Well, I don`t necessarily mean explaining the technical benefits of ingredients or the chemical makeup of the products. I`m talking about the purchasing benefit to the customer. Why would someone buy a beauty product in the first place? To make them feel good about or improve how they look, right? This is an emotional purchase decision. Even the eco-friendly aspect of it is emotional for those who care about the planet.
But your copy talks about who owns the company. It mentions parabens and EDTA which I would imagine that most people never heard of. In fact, I bet there are
chemicals in the products which have scarier sounding names. These are abstract concepts which confuse consumers.
There are other confusing things like the 500 quantity. In some cases it sounds like one has to purchase 500 of a product.
And you are very repetitive, especially in talking about things like the non-greasy aspect of the products. It sounds like you`re running out of things to say only after a few sentences.
You barely touch on the emotional benefits of beauty products. Why do you buy beauty products? (Assuming you do.)
Plus you have typographical errors and format issues throughout. If you cannot afford a copywriter, then I suggest doing a lot
of reading about compelling copy before you go any further. But if you ask me, a copywriter will be an investment well spent. I don`t mean to sound harsh but you need it.
CampSteve3/20/2008 11:44 AM