Creating Brain Trust and Rapidly Building Rapport

The First Three Seconds

The Gatekeeper

Bruno Catellani of the Institute of Communication, Management and Sales in Switzerland refers to this primitive brain function as the “Gatekeeper”. If your initial interaction with someone stresses that person’s Gatekeeper, it will switch on the “fight or flight” response that includes shutting down message receptors and terminating any meaningful rapport with that person.

This neurological mechanism was necessary during our evolutionary development – in order to survive as a species, when our cave-dwelling ancestors saw a saber-toothed tiger they needed to react with lightening speed. Although for the most part we have outgrown the need for such a rapid response to perceived threats, it is still a response that is hardwired in our brains and is the main obstacle to building rapport with others. So remember when someone first becomes aware of you, in business or in any environment, you have less than 3 seconds to make a positive, nonthreatening impression.

Tips for Rapidly Building Rapport

So how do you get past this neurological Gatekeeper and build rapport with others? The opposite of a threat is trust - if you’re trusted you can’t be a threat. Therefore, create the conditions for trust and you will prevent anyone from perceiving you as a threat, which will allow you to build rapport. Remember, you have less than 3 seconds to make a first impression and get past the brain’s Gatekeeper.

Here are a few tips to help you rapidly create neurological trust and build rapport with anyone:

• You should smile. Nothing disarms a perceived threat as much as a smile. Even if your first contact is via the phone, smile – it will be reflected in your voice and overall attitude. (I have a mirror by my office phone so I can make sure I am smiling when I’m on the phone.)
• Your body language - translated by your movements, gestures, facial expression and eye contact – should be open, friendly, relaxed and your posture reflects enthusiasm. Again, even when using the phone your body language is subtlety reflected in your voice and breathing. (I actually stand up and use a positive body posture at least during the initial part of a phone interaction.)    
• Your voice modulation and tone should be calm and the speed of your speech should be steady and not too fast. By the way, as Professor Albert Mehrabian of UCLA has documented, the importance of the actual words that you use are minor compared to the importance of your body language, tone of voice, etc. – the brain’s Gatekeeper usually has decided whether or not to treat you as a threat before the brain can comprehend the meaning of your words.
• Your clothes and overall appearance should be appropriate for the situation. For example, if you run a childcare center, multiple facial piercings probably will not build trust with parents. However, if you run a tattoo parlor maybe multiple piercings are appropriate.
• You should smell good - or at least don’t smell bad. Interestingly, olfactory inputs (smells) are processed by the brain more quickly than inputs from any other senses. Very often it is an unconscious smell that first causes someone’s brain to determine whether to treat you as a threat. By the way guys, research shows most women perceive a man who uses too much cologne or aftershave as untrustworthy.
• You should not invade the other’s personal space. At the same time, you should not be too far away – too much physical distance creates an emotional distance. However, when in doubt, give the other person space.

Once you have impressed upon the other person’s brain that you can be trusted, you can easily and comfortably build a genuine rapport that will be beneficial to both of you.