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press release critique, hit me with it.

 
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DaleKing

posts: 1061

Jan 28, 2008 10:55 AM ET    Quote
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Hi Dale,
 
I totally agree with you and like your suggestions. I`m sorry if my note didn`t project that.
 
I was just offering my two cents for Katherine to help her with her release.  Many of my clients use the "benefits-oriented event press release announcement" approach with a headline and sub-headline, and it works well. 
 
Thanks!
Melanie

 
 
 
Hello Melanie. That`s cool. Thanks for explaining your position. I appreciate that. I guess we`re all here just trying to help - and that`s a good thing!
 
Dale King
DKing1/28/2008 10:57 AM


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Jan 28, 2008 12:06 PM ET    Quote
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Hi, Katherine,
 
I agree with Melanie.  As a past journalist and PR pro I always recommend a head and subline with a strong lead paragraph.  This is because most journalists won`t get past the lead, and you need to convey as much as possible (read: make it news) to encourage them to read further.   They`re way too busy. 
 
It`s slightly confusing that proceeds are going to so many charities.  The perception will be that many will get fewer proceeds, while fewer get more.  Plus you can achieve support from the organizations, if it`s worth their while.  You ask them to distribute this to their mailing list, supporters and staff.  I suggest including the charity angle up front as a possible subheadline - Event Proceeds Will Go To X Charity.
 
This should actually be in media alert form (who, what, where, why, how, etc) and offer some background on your company.  Especially since you`re still in the introduction process.  You can include the press release on your business to help build awareness with journalists.
 
Hope all is well, Katherine.
 
Best,
Jennifer
 
 
katt33

posts: 484

Jan 28, 2008 2:44 PM ET    Quote
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Thank You.  I really appreciate the feedback ect... from everyone.

-------------------------

Rev. Katherine Appello I am a seminarian who will in Fall will be formally ordained to the Anglican priesthood.
katt33

posts: 484

Jan 28, 2008 2:55 PM ET    Quote
Points: 0   Vote
Thanks Jennifer.  I am now working on getting the promotional video done, as it seems the persons who were going to do it are not coming through as quickly as I need them to and trying to figure out how to get a sponsor for me to participate in two tradeshows.  I don`t need a lot of money, as I would start with just making literature available and perhaps CD catalogs, which I can create on my computer myself.  Both shows are in April, so I have little time.  Such is the life of a start up.

-------------------------

Rev. Katherine Appello I am a seminarian who will in Fall will be formally ordained to the Anglican priesthood.
creativelyse

posts: 70

Jan 29, 2008 1:20 PM ET    Quote
Points: 0   Vote
kat you got lucky that D gave you a rewrite. I`m too late but think the newer version works better!


-------------------------

Kristen Fischer, Copywriter/Editor/Author
Creatively Self-Employed
DaleKing

posts: 1061

Jan 29, 2008 1:29 PM ET    Quote
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kat you got lucky that D gave you a rewrite. I`m too late but think the newer version works better!
 
 
Thank you very much, Kristen! I really appreciate you saying that.
 
Dale King


-------------------------

If you`re tired of all the money-making
hype, lies and scams...read this!
Click here for more details!


katt33

posts: 484

Jan 29, 2008 1:58 PM ET    Quote
Points: 0   Vote
I appreciate this so much.  I am going to send this one and the general press release out on the internet and to 10 local media sources as soon as I have the photos I want on the site.   That will probably be next week.  I am also working on getting sponsors to have an official launch party.  I also have another site, apart from this business www.katesecomall.com and will adding my own products, not as expensive as the ones on the Caterina site.


-------------------------

Rev. Katherine Appello I am a seminarian who will in Fall will be formally ordained to the Anglican priesthood.
DaleKing

posts: 1061

Jan 29, 2008 2:55 PM ET    Quote
Points: 0   Vote
Katt, you`re putting in a lot of time and effort to be successful. Anyone can see that. But in my opinion, you should get a professional to work with you on your websites. They come across as very "micky mouse" to me. I think that`s going to hurt you, if it hasn`t already. First impressions are everything - especially in your industry. You sell fashion and beauty products. I think that you should have beautiful websites as well. I`m not trying to hurt your feelings. I would never intentionally do that. Again, I`m just keeping it real. If I didn`t care, I wouldn`t say anything. I only want the best for you and everyone in this forum.
 
Dale King
DKing1/29/2008 3:08 PM


-------------------------

If you`re tired of all the money-making
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Casalbordino

posts: 7

Jan 29, 2008 10:15 PM ET    Quote
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Dale,
What do think about my press release?
 
 PRESENTATION OF EVERYTHING IN GIFT GIVING - GIFT CARDS ARE NO EXCEPTION
 
January 31, 2008 - Wayne, NJ-- Elisa`s Custom Creations has taken the ordinary gift cardholder and turned it into a multi-use gift in its own right. Elisa DiVirgilio, founder of the handmade gift cardholder firm, announced today the addition of Velcro closures to the stylish, fabric pockets that give them life beyond a gift card presentation. "Career women can use them to hold business cards," she explained, "and grandmothers can proudly produce their latest set of photos. I even know one young mother who fills it with Cheerios for her toddler."

The Wayne, NJ firm was started by Elisa in 2006 in response to the relentless growth and popularity of gift cards. Today, consumers are purchasing gift cards as “real gifts” and they want them to look pretty, expensive and thoughtful!

The right gift cardholder “allows you to create that personalization,” says Angela Thompson, program manager for Christmas for American Greetings. The right gift cardholder, expressing just the right sentiment, helps demonstrate that you put thought into the gift and didn’t just buy any old thing, she says.

“Unlike many gift card packaging products on the market (boxes, tins, cards), these gift card holders embody creativity, craftsmanship, beauty and function and will surely add flair and sophistication to gift card giving,” says Elisa.

For further information, contact Elisa at Liz ( @ ) elisascustomcreations dot com.
                                              ***************
Thank you.
Casalbordino1/29/2008 10:21 PM
DaleKing

posts: 1061

Jan 30, 2008 8:30 AM ET    Quote
Points: 0   Vote
Elisa, I think your press release is outstanding! It`s extremely well-written. The only thing I changed was the headline. Your original headline was boring and lacked the all-important WIIFM ("What`s in it for me") factor. Your headline also needed to be more eye-catching and compelling. I hope you like the new headline. By the way, your website could also use some copywriting help - but you`ll have to pay me for that.
 
Dale King
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
 
Contact:
:
Elisa DiVirgilio
Liz @elisascustomcreations.com.
 

Handy New Invention Adds Flair, Sophistication and Beauty to Ordinary Gift Card Holder
 
January 31, 2008 - Wayne, NJ - Elisa`s Custom Creations has taken the ordinary gift cardholder and turned it into a multi-use gift in its own right. Elisa DiVirgilio, founder of the handmade gift cardholder firm, announced today the addition of Velcro closures to the stylish, fabric pockets that give them life beyond a gift card presentation. "Career women can use them to hold business cards," she explained, "and grandmothers can proudly produce their latest set of photos. I even know one young mother who fills it with Cheerios for her toddler."

The Wayne, NJ firm was started by Elisa in 2006 in response to the relentless growth and popularity of gift cards. Today, consumers are purchasing gift cards as “real gifts” and they want them to look pretty, expensive and thoughtful!

The right gift cardholder “allows you to create that personalization,” says Angela Thompson, program manager for Christmas for American Greetings. The right gift cardholder, expressing just the right sentiment, helps demonstrate that you put thought into the gift and didn’t just buy any old thing, she says.

“Unlike many gift card packaging products on the market (boxes, tins, cards), these gift card holders embody creativity, craftsmanship, beauty and function and will surely add flair and sophistication to gift card giving,” says Elisa.

For further information, contact Elisa at Liz@elisascustomcreations.com

                                                        ###

DKing1/30/2008 11:37 AM


-------------------------

If you`re tired of all the money-making
hype, lies and scams...read this!
Click here for more details!


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