Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

First critique:  You didn`t provide a link to your web site or put it into your StartupNation Profile.......




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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

Hi anitaj08,
Although I am not that familiar with the products you`re offering or the market you`re advertising to.. but I _do_ have a few suggestions

1.Presenting your products.
On my first visit I found it hard to know what your site offers...if I could suggest posting your products on the front page.  .. or just a short version of them.. a small explanation with maybe a picture... those could make the visitor`s experience more enjoyable

2. I think you can remove the paypal banner from your front page.. as a costumer it would just seem like you`re not aiming for my interest, you`re aiming for my money. if a costumer would want to buy 1 of your products or hire your service, he would look for the payment options (the paypal banner in the price list page is a good example)

3. Price list: I think you should label your "Price list" tab to "Products" or to "Purchase" or something people would find more appealing...


On a general note, I think your site`s appearance is strictly professional...   if that is the specific crowd you are targeting than it`s all good. but if not, the general user might find it off-putting to have a text only, strictly professional web site. 

I hope this was as constructive as I tried it to be..  and not offensive (I`m just trying to help. share my experience as a visitor)

I sincerely wish you the best of luck

Jmes



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My LookupPage

" As a Virtual PA, my target audience is primarily Cardiac Surgeons/Cardiologists with a few other specialties thrown in for good measure. I am offering a digital transcription and powerpoint presentation service for these professionals - typing their correspondence, reports, manuscripts, training materials, etc. "

This, in a nutshell, is primarily what you need to state on your main page ... if people read your main page and still wonder what you do, or need to ask if and how it benefits them, or don`t know if your service is specialized or even applicable for their needs, then you aren`t getting your message up front and making it easy to understand the users benefit, which is all the user will care about .... your visitors may not care what you do in general, they want to know what you can do for them.

You know your business, we don`t .... look at it from the perspective of not knowing you or what you do, and see if you would get your message across in a few seconds.


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M Hall
Website Critique Community
International Society of Curmudgeons

Got it this time.

For the professional, uncluttered look, I would give you an "A" grade.

However, your text is all passive.  Bad.  "We can, you can, if you..." are all passive.  You are asking for their business, but you aren`t telling them "What`s in it for me [the client]"? 

Here is the very best explanation of Passive Voice that I have ever seen:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/print/grammar/g_actpass.html

Write your copy with this perspective and your site will be a winner.

You also have some fragmented sentences.  When talking to medical professionals, speak slowly and use complete sentences.  After all, they pay by the hour (LOL).  Actually, English and grammar are not their strong suits, so help them.

Steve Mann




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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

I learned to write in the passive voice as an engineering submissive.  (I.E., staff engineer).  We did what made the boss look good, and passive voice allowed them to re purpose our progress reports into what *he* did.  It took me *years* to learn active voice when I want something from someone else.  Try it.  It works. (active) -- I tried it and it worked. (passive).  Which one do you see in advertising most often?

When it comes to my High-School English grades; well someone had to occupy the lower percentiles.  (Would you believe it was a service to the students further up in the average?)  And I`ve been paying for it since then.





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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email