| Nov. 16 2006 at 8:13 PM |
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Great article. Lots of stuff that I teach real estate agents, especially the listening part, covered in paragraph 4.
I do have a problem with paragraph number 6. I know many companies that will NEVER accept the first offer, and I think that is a mistake if it is a firm policy. In housing, I frequently see that the first offer is the best that is ever going to come. If someone offered you a new Corvette for $25K, would you negotiate? Of course not. You would simply extend your right hand and say "deal." Sometimes it is best not to be greedy. In fact, it is always best not to be greedy. A good deal is good for both sides, and the warmth that comes from easy and reasonable negotiations can be the foundation for many future transactions.
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| Nov. 16 2006 at 9:03 PM |
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I thought this
article was pretty cool too! I wonder how many people really don't
understand that simply being alive and walking around can be construed
as being involved in selling. You're selling yourself whenever you want
to be chosen instead of someone else for something. Being picked on a
team in grade school can be looked upon as selling your skills. Yet
people don't think living is partly sales.
So too, I'll be a lot of people don't understand the concept of
negotiating. Well, at least until they have to deal with a 4-yearold
who's adamant about not taking a bath. :-)
To me, the main article point was knowing what you want, as in "Make
sure you are clear on what you really want out of the arrangement."
It has to be achievable to the other party, and there should be a
clear, written (if possible) statement of the deliverable(s). If you
don't know what you want, you hardly can ask for it, right?
The other thing I liked was the reference to not taking on the other
person's problems. It took me a long time to learn how to do this, but
it comes down to being far to quick to return a "defense" in an
argument (a negotiation), when the other person really hasn't provided
any reason for disagreement.
The Monty Python "Argument Room" bit is a terrific example of how to get lost in an argument that's actually not an argument.
Finally, I agree that listening skills are fundamental. But my question
is how exactly do we train those listening skills? What exercises might
someone have? I'm a musician, so it's natural for me to listen more
closely and differently that others. I also grew up outside the US, so
although English is my first language, it isn't as "locked in" as those
who were born here. The result is I hear words differently.
What would be three exercises to perform (hopefully doable alone) that would improve one's listening skills? Anybody?
Craig Landes
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Defining the undefinable. "There are 10 kinds of people in the world---those who understand binary numbers and those who don't." - Unknown
International Society of Curmudgeons
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| Nov. 16 2006 at 10:59 PM |
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Craig,
Good question. Three exercises that would improve one's listening skills. You asked for them to be able to do alone - that's the hard part.
- You could listen to books on tape. Listen to a few paragraphs of reading, stop the tape/CD/DVD, then repeat back what you heard - then run the paragraphs again and see how close you came to getting it right.
- Get some tapes/CDs of another language and try to learn it. I have a set of Spanish tapes for my car when I drive.
- If you have DVR (or TiVo) watch some TV, stop the program, repeat back what you just heard, and then rewind and see how close you are to nailing it.
Just some shots in the dark.
Here's the top 5 things I learned from Jack Kaine and his class on Mastering the Art of Negotiating:
- The person who speaks first sets the tone for the negotiation.
- The person who asks the most questions determines the content and the direction of the negotiation.
- Never argue. No one ever won an argument. Always question for understanding.
- People do things for their reasons, not yours.
- The person who listens the most will have the greatest effect on the outcome of the negotiation.
R@ Richard Arnold · Key Concept Writers · Business Communication: The "Key" To Success· Law of Attraction Blog · Life Ain't Brain Surgery Blog
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| Nov. 17 2006 at 12:12 AM |
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Interesting exercises in listening! However, now I've got a question :-) following point #3.
When people talk about "listening skills," do they mean actually
retaining the words, or do they mean letting preconceived thoughts,
biases, or interpretations over-write what's actually being said?
There's a story about a teenage boy who was terribly afraid of the
color green. Nobody could figure it out, and it was making him a
nervous wreck. He went to see a psychologist, and they talked about all
sorts of things.
Turns out when he was little, there was a wake held for a beloved older
member of the family. Being about 5, he wanted to stay up and watch the
excitement, but his folks told him to go to bed instead. Naturally, he
snuck out, and crept down the stairs to listen.
Along the way, someone came out of the living room, shaking their head
in condolence, and said to someone else it was a shame that the Green
Reaper had taken their loved one.
The boy was astonished, and from that point forward, kept a sharp eye
out for anything green as it was surely a harbinger that the Green
Reaper was afoot, prepared to steal way another loved one.
How do we learn to isolate wrong words we hear? In some cases, it's
just an accident of the moment. But think about how many serious
conflicts have arisen due to hearing the wrong meaning to a word?
In other cases, we're so "sure" that we know what someone is saying,
we're not actually hearing what they mean. Isn't that a large part of
developing listening skills as well?
Craig Landes
---
Defining the undefinable. "There are 10 kinds of people in the world---those who understand binary numbers and those who don't." - Unknown
International Society of Curmudgeons
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| Nov. 17 2006 at 12:14 AM |
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And on another front, just because I never forgot it:
I remember a major negotiation I sat in on, where a large project was
about to go down the tubes. The owner of the Company (my boss) called a
meeting with the Developers. The problem was a hard date for delivery
of the finished product, and the Developers were months behind.
The Developers were cocky, believing that because it was a technology
solution nobody would understand their gobblety-gook. The Company hired
me as the liaison, to act as translator and process analyst.
We walked into a Board room, with a long walnut table, nicely done. The
Developers took seats, indicating where we and the head of the Company
should sit. As soon as I sat down, I noticed that the chair provided
for the head of the Company was about 6-inches lower than any other
chair in the room. The boss looked like a midget!
There followed about an hour of talking, mostly from the Developers,
explaining with pleasant smiles that they would finish the project on
some date, it was all going very well, things were wonderful, and it
was a mystery to them why the meeting had been called.
The boss said nothing, just sat there with her head barely showing over
the edge of the table. She smiled, nodded, and sat quite pleasantly.
When the Developers wound down, running of of things to say, the boss
swiveled around and faced them on the opposite side of this conference
table.
She said very simply, "None of that matters to me at all. I called this
meeting to tell you that if the application isn't complete by Date
This, you're fired." Then she stood up, gathered her stuff, and walked
out.
The Developers had intended to make it a negotiation, but let's always
remember that money talks. If you're footing the bill, there's not a
whole lot of negotiation necessary. :-)
Craig Landes
---
Defining the undefinable. "There are 10 kinds of people in the world---those who understand binary numbers and those who don't." - Unknown
International Society of Curmudgeons
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| Nov. 18 2006 at 10:38 PM |
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Have any of you read:
- "Getting to Yes? Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In" by Roger Fisher, Willam Ury and Bruce Patton of the Harvard Negotiation Project
- "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler www.crucialconversations.com
These two books challenge their readers to examine their personal conflict resolution style and role within a dialog. They also provide dialog building skills which can improve communication skills, active listening skills, negotiation skills, and mediation skills.
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| Nov. 20 2006 at 1:50 AM |
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Good tips on the
books, RealtorNicole. I haven't yet read them, but from what you're
saying, they'll help flesh out the whole idea of negotiating.
:-)
Craig Landes
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Defining the undefinable. "There are 10 kinds of people in the world---those who understand binary numbers and those who don't." - Unknown
International Society of Curmudgeons
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