| Nov. 17 2008 at 10:39 AM |
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Let me know what you think. Thanks.
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| Nov. 17 2008 at 12:37 PM |
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I only looked at the home page.
The copywriting is weak. Mostly in the passive voice, some confusing grammar and too wordy. Your first sentence starts by answering a question. What is the question?
"They can be useful..." could be ambiguous (as well as passive - can be). I had to read it twice to realize who "they" are.
Pick a subtitle and stick with it. The top of the page uses the passive voice to say: "Let Us Lighten the Load", and later in the ext, you use the active form (much better): "We Lighten the Load". See the difference?
Here's a rewrite of one paragraph to illustrate my point.
Original:
Virtual Workforce helps out small businesses that need extra help in the office. We help our clients with projects that need to get done that busy professionals may not have time for. These projects are important, but sometimes they get put off until later, or there just isn't enough time in the day to complete them. That's where we come in. To answer a big question with a simple answer "We Lighten the Load". To see a more specific list of our services, click on the services page.
Rewrite:
We Lighten the Load. The assistants from Virtual Workforce will help businesses that have important projects that are behind schedule. Contact us to discuss the extra help that Virtual Workforce will provide to your business.
Comment:
You don't have to remind them that they have mismanaged their time. They already know
that. Talk in the active voice. State the problem, that you can fix it, then the call to action.
Edited by: Videography - Nov. 17 2008 at 12:38 PMSteve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email
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| Nov. 17 2008 at 2:05 PM |
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Homepage way too wordy - people will not have time to read all your text. Break it up. Add some Colour / different font styles - Change it to a Question and Answers format maybe?
Your Tagline - its good but still a bit vague. I want you to be able to sum up in exactly one line -what you will do for me? "lighten the load" are you a courier company? - sorry I am not being facetious....why not say "lightening the load of the busy executive - we are like your own PA but on the internet"...something like that.
Answer the question - How will a virtual assistent help me - if they are only virtual. List your "virtual services".
Show me the "Evidence" about how good a virtual assistant is - Quote from book " 4 Hour Work Week" he speaks highly of getting a virtual PA. Use his quotes on your website.
No logo on page - while a logo is not that important - it does add to the professionalism of a
website.
You're using the same pic all for every page - change this! - show picture, these can be stock pictures btw, of busy executives can help.
Left hand side menu looks amateurish.
Testimonial Page is excellent. Some of these excellent testimonials should be on front page. Picture of youself adds to trustworthness of the business.
Please do not take advice personally - I am just giving you my opinion from a business point of view.
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| Nov. 17 2008 at 4:31 PM |
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So tell me on the homepage EXACTLY what kind of projects you do. Make a list of examples visible on the homepage. Also maybe change it up a bit and ad different pics other than the one with the laptop and pencils. It will make it look less plain and adding visuals always helps a site.
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