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copy critique please.

 
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davebarnes04

posts: 52

Feb 10, 2009 10:43 AM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Hey Bob,
You`re very welcome. I checked out the bomber ring, man it`s nice. A note about that page...
 
That`s more like it for page organization. The left column with some tweaks would be the way to go. I`ll put together a template for you and shoot it over in an email file. After looking through what you`re doing already I think you`d probably need 3 or 4 templates; Home page and info type stuff, product detail, and a category or catalog page. Then you can start busting up your info in an organized fashion. Also, you might want to look around for some javascript image presentation scripts. That way you could easily build slide shows for presentations for things like the bomber ring where the images tell the progressive story. There are lots of websites where you can browse through different scripts and see which one works best for you. Then they have instructions on how to install and modify the script for your image files and design preferences. That would help keep your detail "Above the fold" as they say. Less scrolling down the page.
 
I`ll be out of town for a few days this week for a convention exhibit, so I probably won`t get to it until next week. But hey...wadda ya want for nothing! ;-)
 
Talk to you soon.


-------------------------

Dave Barnes
Spider Climbing, Inc.
(734) 994-0646
www.spiderclimbing.com

2009 Elevator Pitch Contestant Please vote for us!
idahobob

posts: 48

Feb 10, 2009 12:04 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Thanks dave...
 
the customer was pretty happy with that one. if you get a chance, read his testimony... he was a lot of fun to work with.
 
I started photographing the work pretty much as soon as we got the web site up, you know, send the customers a link to their page so they can see the process, suggest changes before it get`s to the point of no return... the customers like that and, we have a natural and eassy way to always be expanding our web site. And, It helps people get a feel for what is possible and expands their mind a little ... by doing that, we get to make cooler stuff. they send the link all over the place to their friends and their friends can watch and they get cool ideas and that was my big marketing plan...spoil the customers... that`s simple and cheap:)
 
I hate the way the images are presented on my site. and for some reason, I can`t get my front page to make a slide show work. It works up to the point I load it to the server or host or whoever i load it up to..
 
Next week is fine, I`m only 3 years behind schedule as it is but, I have a plan to make those years up.
 
 


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Bob
idahobob

posts: 48

Feb 10, 2009 12:12 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Thanks Steve
 
I was wondering how the bright lettering could come across... it looked kind of "carnivalish" to me at first but than i talked myself into it and have been using it... probably a better looking page and just plane text eh? 
 
Hey Loren,
 
What kind of information do you think should be added that would sell the most possible??  What is it missing?
 
THanks


-------------------------

Bob
Loren

posts: 242

Feb 16, 2009 12:52 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Hire a pro.... you need serious help.   You are clearly
flying blind as far as copywriting, web-conversion,
and advertising layout skills.

Either hit the books or hire skilled help.  Turning this mash
into a winner goes far beyond the scope of what you 
can expect to get from free critiques from forum gadflies.


idahobob

posts: 48

Feb 16, 2009 6:10 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Thanks Loren
 
telling me i need help is like  like watching a guy choking on a bone and saying, "hey, you should get some help with that you idiot, can`t you tell your choking?? lol
 
I realize i need serious help but, finding the help within the parameters available is the trick. My reason for being here is to find a like mind with a different skill set than mine and identify people who I can count on for advice in their field of expertise. and to get advice.
 
I like yours, haha it`s honest and the simpliest approach... the fastest way to get from point a to point b.but, it`s not a revelation.
 
Of course, if i had professional representation or a project manager with scope and resources, i`d make more money who wouldn`t? maybe the trump and deutch team will come to my rescue? (one can pay for the other`s services) and do a  makeover ...
 
But, your observations are correct, professional help would make a big improvement.
 
Thanks.
 
 
 
 


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Bob
CraigL

posts: 9051

Feb 16, 2009 7:00 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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This brings up a problem that actually has a formal name in philosophy. It`s called "epistemology." That`s a $100 word that means "the study of how do we know what we know."

The basic concept isn`t hard to understand, we`ve had lots of references to it throughout culture. For example, "I don`t even know enough to know what I don`t know." It sounds like a confusing statement, but it`s basically another way of saying "epistemology."

Bob, I think the problem here is that you imply that you`d like some "help" with regard to a problem, where the actual work of solving the problem will be yours. You seem to want to apply a hands-on solution, with the instructions for that solution coming from an adviser or counselor.

But there comes a time when it can`t work that way. And so, referring to your other topic, the next question is how to find a reliable, competent, trustworthy and affordable "executive manager."

I believe it`s going to come down to money. But how to spend that money wisely is the second half of the problem. Perhaps phrased like this:
  • How do we bring in a management consultant at the micro-business level?
  • How do we validate that consultant`s experience, and make sure it applies to our specific problem?
  • What sort of financial arrangement warrants that we don`t lose all our money before discovering the consultant was a bad choice?
  • How do we interview such a consultant when we don`t know how to define the problems we need solved?
Loren

posts: 242

Feb 17, 2009 12:13 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I don`t intend to be mean.  I`m a former artisan myself.  I had
to adapt the way my thinking worked to transfer from working
with my hands to writing copy and building internet marketing
machines.

3 factors played major roles:
1. I read dozens of books about copywriting and marketing
2. I wrote a lot of copy and web content
3. I spent 1000s of hours online studying what marketers were doing

Now I`m not suggesting you have to do as much as what I did
to learn to sell your jewelry.  Far from it.  I didn`t just pull those 3
success factors out of thin air though.  I noticed the most successful
marketers did those 3 things so I did them too.  

You gotta start somewhere.  Read the core classics of advertising
and copywriting and that`s a start.  I`ve got reviews of many of them
on my site in an RSS feed from Amazon.com.  


idahobob

posts: 48

Feb 17, 2009 5:04 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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for a forum gadfly your pretty informative:)
 
Maybe I`m mistaken but isn`t what we know and how we come to know (in the basic form) just a series of accumulated experiences we have, combined with all of the senses and other knowledge, at the time we experienced them, all wrapped up, equal the volume of knowledge we can process at any given moment?
 
 I know (or I "think" i know) how i came to know what i know and i have a pretty good idea of what i don`t know... seems, the older i get, the more i realize how little i know. but in terms of what can be "known" it`s staggering what little I know! Of course i don`t know what i don`t know but i know it`s a lot! 
 
  i know enough that regardless of what don`t know, someone else knows. Back in the day, If i needed to know something,  i`d just look in the phone book or call 411 or look it up in an encyclopedia. but, this is the new day so anything i could hope to ever want to know can be found doing a google search.
 
but, i didn`t know people studied such things or their was a word for it:) now that i know it  and think it`s been properly answered, they can move on to a new study:) save some time and be a little more productive:)
 
if i break it down to something simple (the problem) it reads like this..
 
I want to get from point a to point b. from their my choices are walk, horseback, bicycle car, train plane or truck. The first 3 choices take too long and are unpractical so that leaves me with train or plane or car. maybe a truck?
 
Maybe I have a car but it needs gas or tires or it`s not the surest mechanically and to take it would cost a lot to get it running. I could rent one though and that would get me there but it costs money too.. Train costs money, plane costs money as does a truck.. So what can I do?
 
Well, first, I need to make sure i have a good reason to get to destination b. what is there that is so important? If my reason for getting there is sound than it`s a matter of looking for a way to get there.. If i can`t get there under my own power, I know someone is going in that direction and will "get me there" if, I can show them a good enough reason. the main point is to get to point b.
 
I had a guy come to me once wanting to borrow an ungodly amount of money for a platinum mine he had claim to. it was a real deal and all of his assay`s were spot and verifiable. being he was a miner and a little crazy and greedy and secretive and knowing anyone who has money isn`t going to give it to a miner, I like a hundred others before me told him he was a crazy old coot. but, be that as it may, he still had a platinum claim and needed a way to get his dirt to market. 
 
So, Instead of trying to fund a loan, I found a pal and explained the problem to him. we structured a deal where my pal would supply this guy all the labor &  equipment to dig the dirt, trucks and cost to take 7 truck loads of dirt to refining for a 1/2 stake in whatever the refiner recovered. This would give the miner enough cash to get some of his own equipment to get started and my pal would be out of it after the 1 deal. (or continue -miners choice)
 
Now, the miner has no cost or risk in getting his first loads to refining, i have no cost involved except a couple phone calls and some time, and my pal is putting up the equipment he owns and a little cash for the labor and expenses. How perfect can that be?
 
their were a couple dozen more options i had to get this guy`s dirt to the refiner that would have all been structured the same way. but this one was the fastest, required the least amount of paperwork and offered the fairest split to everyone and, business pals do business with each other... .. So,  the only guy taking any cash risk was my pal. it wasn`t even a risk but a calculation. x tons of dirt = $x profit. it doesn`t get any easier than that. and I get a cut  from both sides.
 
any legitimate need can be resolved.
 
Structuring a deal or finding a ride to point b doesn`t require money, it requires a good reason... if a good reason is there, their are a hundred guys waiting in line to "fund" it.
 
 If one guy is interested, maybe another guy is interested as well? maybe I can discover a need that I can fill while trying to fill my own need?   maybe i`m going to discover 100 people who all want to get to destination b?? than, we can eliminate the need for a car and try to get a bus. maybe the pot needs to be sweetened, maybe expanded??
 
 IYou know, you shouldn`t let poverty effect your lifestyle... "lack of funding" shouldn`t get in the way of a viable  project. and it usually doesn`t. especially in these economic times... people might lose faith in the "market`s" as a viable investment vehicle... seems to me, the only decent investment now a days are directly with the start up`s. if it`s not that way today, it will be soon.  
 
the answers to the other questions seem pretty simple..
 
I can tell you exactly what kind of financial arrangement warrant`s not losing all my money before discovering the consultant was a bad choice and that`s performance pay. I know this is back to the old school philosophy discussion and how that is out of tune with the younger generation but if I am going to be involved with it, which i am, than it`s going to have to go the way i want it to. that`s just how it`s got to be.
 
your right, the work in solving the problem is mine but the best person for the job has to be the best person... likely, i am the least logical or likely person to be the best person for the job... I would not expect or want an investor  or partner to have to rely on me making a web site or me programming a shipping program or me developing an affiliate structure or me handling the accounting or me managing ad costs or me doing anything that is critical to the daily function. I`d only hold things up. The best i can do is to paint the picture in their head and let them create it. not to be directly involved in daily function.  you want to put me in charge of stamping widgets and your roi is dependant on me stamping widgets??? get outta here! better to just hire a widget stamper.
 
how to bring in mgmt consultant into micro biz? simple, structure a worthy deal, make it worth their while show them how by helping me, they can benefit.
 
how do we validate the consultant`s experience? simple, find the guy who has already been to destination b, knows the route and has a vehicle and is going there anyway and can benefit from taking me too.
 
The ol wheels are turning now and I can feel this build up of inspiration... an idea is starting to take shape and a plan is in the making...
 
oh, and the miner deal?? never happened... the miner, being a miner, insisted on a cash loan...  i just couldn`t find a window into his house of reason and common sense.  but it was a damn good plan:
 
you know, I`ll bet you would be a blast to have a beer with around the campfire:)
 
 
 
 
Loren:
 
Don`t worry, old guys get tougher as we age... and, you were being truthful... "truth" is raw...   it doesn`t always come nicely packaged and sweetened. usually it taste like hell but it`s good for you... like castor oil.
 
 
 
 
 


-------------------------

Bob
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