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Having written and executed press release in the past, here is my opinion about your press release.
After reading it a few times to ensure i have every bit of info understood, i think the press release is a tad long. You want to trim that press release abit so its short, sweet and direct. I would change the title to something more eye-catching instead of the current stale title which i would not be interested in reading in the newspaper. Instead of saying you're passionate about the thing you do on the top paragraph which is gold for press releases, include as much possible info about your company as possible. Try to sell your business to your potential customers about the service you provide not your bio. your bio can come later in the press release. Probably also include something catchy within the first sentence or so to 'hook' your readers.
Nevertheless, writing a press release is difficult but i see you have a good start here. All the best to your startup!