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Sales letter critique please

    • 355 posts
    January 16, 2009 2:24 PM EST
    You are not targeting a specific customer.  A lot of decision makers won`t waste time on a generic letter.  Learn something about the people you really want to sell to.  Then write the letter to them.  You might try reading a book by Dorothy Leeds called "Marketing Yourself."  It specifically addresses this type of letter.

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    The older we get, the more excuses we make for not chasing after our dreams. But truth is, goals are attainable at any age.

    • 10 posts
    January 16, 2009 3:10 AM EST
    I don`t think it sounds like spam at all...it`s a well structured email to generate sales. I would include some more information about why your publication is unique, compared to others. Why would I want to advertise with you VS. your competitor? Are you cheaper? Better quality? Identify your unique selling proposition, and make that the focus of your sales letter.

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    THE M COMPANIES - BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT BLOG

    • 31 posts
    January 16, 2009 12:44 AM EST

    Hello fellow sun members, back for another critique but this time it’s for my newly written Sales letter which I will be Mailing and E-mailing

    some questions I’m looking to get answered are

    1.      Does it Feel like spam

    2.      If you where a Kansas business owner would this letter catch your interest

    3.      Are my promotions tempting           

     
     


    Has the economy affected your businesses growth? It’s Time to fight back!

    You have worked hard to get your business up and running, don’t let the economy stop your business from prospering. Now is the time to formulate an aggressive marketing strategy.  You need to insure that when Emporia shoppers looks for a certain service or product your business is the first they think about, because if it’s not your business it someone else’s.

    My business is direct mail advertising; we mail out a 5.5x8.5 publication “Store Front Magazine” to the home owners of Emporia (8,000). Advertisers get a full page and color for their ads and you don’t have to purchase the mailing list. Advertisements are not cluttered together so your ad won’t go unnoticed.   

    My website has additional information. The website also has a forum for Kansas business owners and business start ups. The forum is there for the Kansas business community from Emporia to Garden City. On the website you can also advertise your business for free! Business Associates Online gives Kansas business owners a free webpage to showcase all their business details, add your photos, logo, hours open, address, phone number etc.

    Some of our ongoing Promotions for 2009

    ·         2  for 1 when you buy your first advertisement with us you get a second one free.          (that’s 16,000 Direct Mail ads for $1,000 )

    ·         Community organizations & Fundraisers get free front page announcements for their events.

    ·         New Businesses get front page announcement on the cover of both publications for 2 months with one weeks purchase. (That’s 64,000 Direct Mail ads for 1,000)

    I believe my services will be a great asset to your businesses success in these hard economic times.   

    Thank you for taking the time to read my e mail and I hope you will give me a chance to earn your Trust and Friendship.

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    Kansas Direct mail Service & Kansas Business Netwok

    • 31 posts
    January 18, 2009 1:15 AM EST

    Dear

    Has the economy affected your businesses growth? It’s Time to fight back!

    You have worked hard to get your business up and running, don’t let the economy stop your business from prospering. Now is the time to formulate an aggressive marketing strategy.  You need to insure that when Emporia shoppers looks for a certain service or product your business is the first they think about, because if it’s not your business it someone else’s.

    My business is direct mail advertising; we mail out “ Store Front Magazine ” The weekly magazine that let the home owners of Emporia (8,000) know about local sales and promotions. Advertisers get a full page and color for their ads and you don’t have to purchase the mailing list. Advertisements are not cluttered together so your ad won’t go unnoticed. Unlike our competitors Store Front Magazine does not get thrown on people’s lawn, our magazine gets mailed to the home owner’s mailbox and into the people’s hands.    

    Some of our ongoing Promotions for 2009

    ·         2  for 1 when you buy your first advertisement with us you get a second one free.          (that’s 16,000 Direct Mail ads for $1,000 )

    ·         Community organizations & Fund raisers get free front page announcements for their events.

    ·         New Businesses get front page announcement on the cover of both publications for 2 months with one weeks purchase. (That’s 64,000 Direct Mail ads for 1,000)

    I believe my services will be a great asset to your businesses success, because in these hard economic times your advertising dollars need to go along way. Your money will go along way with Store Front Magazine, no doubt about it!   

    Benefits you enjoy when you do business with us!

    ·         Great  promotions

    ·         Great Prices

    ·         Free Web page

    ·         Free membership in the Kansas business organization

    ·         Convenient & Quality service

    Thank you for taking the time to read my e mail and I hope you will give me a chance to earn your Trust and Friendship. Our next delivery will be on Thursday January 22nd if you’re interested please visit our website for more details.

    KindRegards                                                                                                                            Sergio Alvarez                                                                                              http://businessassociatesonline.com/

    sa@businessassociatesonline.com

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    Kansas Direct mail Service & Kansas Business Netwok

    • 31 posts
    January 18, 2009 1:38 AM EST
    Thank you for your input everyone
     
    I posted a revised version what do you think?
    Better or Worse?

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    Kansas Direct mail Service & Kansas Business Netwok

    • 31 posts
    January 20, 2009 9:23 AM EST
    Thanks for your input and the PDF link Craig. Ill take a look at it.

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    Kansas Direct mail Service & Kansas Business Netwok