What Part of Work From Home Don’t You Understand
I have a slight problem with the whole home-entrepreneur gig. Apparently, to you, me, and the rest of the Startup Nation, working-at-home means that you are WORKING at your HOME.
That seems clear enough.
However, the deluded, including the hubby, sometimes slip into thinking that if you WORK from home, you’re actually just sitting around waiting for something to do. You know, domestic chores: Washing. Baby sitting. Buying groceries. Driving lunches out to my husband’s office. Darning socks. Darning socks? What the heck is this, Little House on the Prairie?
Obviously, working from home does make taking care of household chores a little more convenient, but it doesn’t mean I’ve become the estate’s maid or butler. It’s hard enough to squeeze in all the sales calling, copy writing, bookkeeping, and partnership-building duties on a daily basis.
Here’s what I do. I observe the three-fold path of: avoid, ignore and never volunteer when it comes to excess domestic chores. For instance, there is a pile of my husband’s dirty laundry that is now snow-capped. I’m thinking of installing a ski lift and promoting it as a resort.
Anyone else have similar situations and suggestions on how to handle these incursions?
OK. I have to go. There are some snowboarders at the door who want to use my husband’s laundry pile for mogul practice.
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September 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am
LOL I love this article…you are so right just because we work out of our homes don’t mean we have to be the maid for everything. I can sometimes be working and hubby can arrive and say what did you do today…nothing… and that makes me very mad. I have a very clean home and I keep it up very well due to being able to work at home but my goal is trying to get our business up and running . Everyone needs to know working at home is just like working at your office.
Great Post!!!
September 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
This is sooo funny. My husband also sometimes works from home some times and just because I am there he continuously asks me questions whenever they occur to him. He does not even realize he’s totally interrupting my work flow. I usually respond to his inquiries still typing away in a distracted manner hoping that he will get the hint. Maybe it would be better to be more direct and just say, honey I’m working remember :).
September 30th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I currently work two jobs out of the home and today my husband came to me as I was leaving and said, “My shirt needs to be ironed, it looks wrinkled.”
My personal experience, which comes from two husbands, and working from both home and an office, is that this issue stems not from being AT HOME, but from being a woman. It is naturally assumed by most men that the woman should handle all household duties, as well as childcare issues.
My findings have been that hints do not work with men at all, a better course of action is a direct command and clear written division of duties.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Isn’t it unbelievable how some people think that just because your home ,you don’t work. My huh-hmmm; Better half will come home and ask why I need help with chores because he works all week and he should’n have to do them when he is home. And the children don’t think I work because I am home, but where do they think they got the money to take chello if I wasn’t “WORKING”. They just don’t realize the time involved when in acctuality, most work at home people put more than 40 hours in to keep the buisness blooming.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Very good, I can fully understand this due to being an online student when I am at school I do not appreciate the interptions either. I get a barrage of children that always need my attention. I don’t go to their school and ask for favors fromthem all day, but hey maybe I should start.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Stella, why are all the ladies coming out of the woodwork to agree with you???
fyi, Stella fans, i posted this at Digg using the ShareThis function at the bottom of Stella’s post. here’s the link, Digg it too if you want to spread the word about this…
http://digg.com/arts_culture/What_Part_of_Work_From_Home_Don_t_You_Understand
September 30th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
It must be a sistuh-preneur thing.
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October 1st, 2008 at 2:37 pm
This is a funny blog…I personally love Little House on the Prairie…I have the entire series on DVD. (don’t worry even my husband thinks that is strange)
I agree with Brenda…people who work from home work more than 40 hours a week…easy!
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
What a great blog! I work at home and at the office, home more when my kids are sick (AKA in the winter). And I’m running my own home based business. I hear people talking about their hubbys and I have to say I think I found one that isn’t quite like the others… When I work at home he doesn’t expect dinner to be ready, or the errands to have been run, or the house to be clean. He knows I’ve been working all day just like he has. If there’s laundry to be done he brings the bin down and starts to do it himself (although most of the time I have to take this one over). Then after dinner if the dishes are still around and we’re upstairs doing bath time he cleans up. I know it’s rare, so I thought I’d post about a great guy!
I think your blog is great and very funny. And I have met more then my share of husbands that sound like these. But I just have to say I think I’m lucky! They do exist out there.
- mother of 2
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Great work from home advice !
October 7th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Oh my gosh - this is so true. While my fiance understands the amount of work I do, I don’t think a lot of my friends and family understand. As a copywriter, I work very long hours to meet deadlines and create perfect…well, whatever the client wants.
I’ve even had someone ask, “What do you DO for all those hours on the computer?” Or, they will ask me to help them make money on the computer too. LOL Long ago, I gave up trying to explain that I spend hours checking stats, researching competition, writing and re-writing, and more!!! I’ve also stopped explaining that you simply can’t log onto your computer and bring home a paycheck.
And it’s very hard to keep up with the growing list of chores at home…women entrepreneurs - thank goodness we were made out of strong stock!!!
October 7th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
My solution has been to stop doing for my husband. His clothes, his responsibility. Leave it laying around - you lose it (this is especially nice when it’s money!) I love love love this teenager, I mean man
I think he is starting to get the picture.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Since my wife and I run our business together, from home, we very well understand each others ‘collateral duties’. We have had to call in for help via a office cleaning service (weekly). It reduces the load on our time-short days.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I am happy to say that my husband is supportive. He does all the laundry and fold them all the time. He does the dishes most of the time. The other day, I came back from 2 weeks of working in Texas the floors were scrubbed, carpet vacuumed, tables polished, daughter’s hair nicely combed and attended school every day, and there were new plug ins that made the house smell great.
I am very thankful.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
My husband works odd shifts, so he’s home often during the day (I work from home). He is so annoying always asking, “Are you working or playing?” I’m a virtual assistant, almost everything I do is on the computer and the Internet. He thinks that if I’m on the computer that I’m “playing”. I don’t get the opportunity to network in person, so I network virtually…he, of course, sees that as “playing”. I often find myself telling him to stick a sock in it!
October 7th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I say outsource that stuff as soon you can afford it.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
This is a great post! I’ll take it one step further… both my Significant Other and I own our businesses… I work from home and he works at his shop. BUT, he seems to believe that, since I work from home, I can run his errands, drop off lunch, etc., etc. After all, he “can’t” leave the shop in case a customer calls.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
My problem is my mother. She works a traditional 8-5 outside the home and assumes I have all the time in the world to run errands for her, take grandma to all her appointments and has even asked me to go pay a utility bill for her. I had to have a talk with her and explain that AT HOME doesn’t mean NOT BUSY. In fact, I’m busier now than I was when I worked a traditional job. Thanks for this article. Its nice to know I’m not alone.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
My mother does not think my job is real. She believes for a job to be real it has to be 9-5 for someone else, provide benefits and a set amount of money and misery.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Thanks for the laugh - great writing.
My business partner and I decided to work from our homes and to have our employees telecommute.
It’s been a blessing. However, friends and family seem to think that since I work from my home office, I don’t REALLY have a job.
As mentioned by the other posters, I don’t just work 40 hours a week, I usually put in about 60 or more.
I’m consistently called on for favors during work hours by other working friends/family. That cracks me up. Even though I’m not in an “outside” office, I am doing the same thing they are and I’m boggled by the reasoning behind the requests.
Friends and family who don’t work stop by often for a visit in the middle of the work day (because they know I am always home). Or, they call me during business hours to chat. I know from experience, when working in an office outside of your home - this just doesn’t happen.
That aside, I am grateful for the opportunity to work from home.
Thanks for the great blog!
October 7th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
All I can say is “wow” . My situation is simular but different my husband is in the military and so the home based business is even more demanding with the whole moving thing. but after 9years of business and the extra income my husband ” kind of ” gets it especaily at tax time! lol. You just have to do time management I also have three kids who I pay to help me label product empty trash,wash clothes and the oldest answers the phone very professional. I AM PROUD . But there are times things go crazy too. But like I said my husband is gone most of the time just me and the kids.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I can relate! My ex-husband thought I sat around all day doing nothing. Then he had a paid vacation day (something we entrepreneurs don’t get …) and was stunned that I was not available to hang out, have lunch, etc. but was actually WORKING. I don’t know where he thought the income was coming from!
Blessings,
Andrea
October 7th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I hear you! All of my male friends seem to think that because I now work from home that I sit around eating bon-bons all day, waiting to have chores assigned to me (like picking up their dry cleaning for them!). Fortunately my husband gets it, though.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
The reverse is also true. I worked from the house for three years. My wife viewed my work (running a graphic and web design firm) as “playing on the computer” for the first year - despite pulling a profit. The last two years were spent asking the exact questions.
“Don’t you have time to do a couple loads of laundry?”
“Couldn’t you find a couple hours to do the lawn during the week so we can go out over the weekend?”
“What do you mean, you don’t have time?! You’re home all day.”
Don’t make the comments a gender issue. I think anyone who works from home while the spouse is in an office must deal with the home office attitude.
Of course, the tune changed when she realized there were 8 people working in my “virtual studio”, we had a television commercial airing during Monday Night Football, and were seeing steady 75% to 100% growth each year.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I’m lucky too. My husband and I are partners in everything. Sometimes I have to ask for help and that can be hard to do, but I understand that he doesn’t see the same messiness that I do.
Also, I made a deal with my 12 year old that I would pay his unlimited texting and a nice cell phone if the dishwasher was always attended to. He takes care of it every evening and I never have to ask.
Who I get issues from is the neighbors who are stay at home moms. They don’t understand why I can’t have their kids over for them if they need to run errands or I can’t take their dog into our home while they’re on vacation. They look at me like I’m just being rude when I have to be on the phone and can’t have kids and barking dogs in the background.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I officially have the coolest readers in the world.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I made my husband fill my shoes one week. He was responsible for all of my responsibilities and I was responsible for his for one full week. We made lists (my list was to do what he needed me to do. And, please note we have 4 kids age 2, 7, 13, 15). We also had to “mess up” like the other one. When he mopped the floor, I made sure to spill a bunch of stuff and leave it 15 minutes after he finished. I left diapers on his pillow, dirty clothes in the tub, shoes where he would fall, toys all over, toothpaste on the floor and he had to cook, wash, clean, carpool all four kids to four different schools before and after school and alas… he had to go to work. Any time that he asked me to do something I would grunt “One minute” and never do it or I would hide out in the bathroom with a video game complaining that I had “stomach issues”. Now, all I have to do is threaten a switch and he shuts up while I’m working.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I agree that working from home is difficult. I have thought seriously about opening a store but with this economy, I am hesistant. All the responsibities are overwhelming. So I pick days that I will contribute to the household duties. After reading some of the men responses, I guess it goes both ways.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
This sounds more like a Relationship issue, and not a working from home /entrepreneur issue. YOU Picked husbands who believe in the common place house wife / maid. I bet you also get benefits/considerations from you husbands you probably wouldn’t get from a husband who would be more equal minded.
Use your creativity as Entrepreneur to solve this problem. It could be a possible business idea! You and your husband chip in to pay a part time maid??
October 7th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I agree. There are many of us who work from home that have relatives that just don’t get it. My problem is my parents. I am a single parent of a 3 year old, so they think I should put her in daycare and get a real job where I know exactly what’s coming in each month.
What they don’t realize is that since we live in a small town, I’d need to work 2 jobs to make the money I am from home.
They don’t like my schedule of working a few hours before she wakes up, a few during nap time, and a few in the evening once she’s asleep. They think I should have more free time to take care of the house and visit them, and that if I work a ‘real’ job (9-5), I’d have more time for that. But, I get to see my daughter grow up. I get to instill the values I want her to have. I don’t have to pay someone else to do it. I love being home with her.
Ah, the joys of doing something that’s not traditional.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Well,
I am a work at home dad and husband. I just don’t understand what all the fuss is. Why does marriage have to be about “What did you do for me today?” I manage my business keep the house clean and watch the kids (2 at home right now). On the weekends everybody chips in to do the laundry. I don’t complain and my wife doesn’t either.
So why all the whining. Housework is just as important as businesswork. The problem with society today is that we view housework as demeaning. It is WORK and WORK is never a bad thing. If you don’t see the dividends from then look harder! Both housework and business have to be done (you can’t have one without the other) and if your at home, then do it and stop complaining.
My two cents!
October 7th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Funny article with a poignant message. Fortunately this misconception seems to be mostly limited to husbands. For them and any other male that seems to think working from home is code for doing next to nothing, loan him a copy of ‘The Power of The Purse’ by Farrah Warner. Its not about women working from home, but it illustrates the ENORMOUS clout women wield in our economy.
I am very fortunate to have a husband who works more than full time outside the home, and does more than his share of the domestic duties. I am blessed. Some of my colleagues are not so lucky. If household chores are really a point of contention, hire the work out. Your focus should be on doing value added activity that grows your business, not the laundry.
October 7th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Justin,
You are right. Housecleaning is important. I happen to hate doing it, so I broke it down to only doing 30 minutes a day. Everything gets done that needs to and it helps to avoid an all day cleaning spree. Plus, my daughter will do just about anything to help me, so I use a mixture of vinegar and water for cleaning so she can help. It’s part of our time together. She loves it!
October 7th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Funny,got a good laugh! My honey has made several comments on my HBB since we have’nt had a profit yet,(”you have time don’t you,your here all day!”)Like others,I work longer hours at home trying to make it than I ever did at the office!One of these days,I’ll show him the money!Then he’ll get it!
October 7th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Dear Sheila:
I am a male entrepreneur writing in SUPPORT of you.
I understand because I too spend long hours working on websites, making flyers and business cards for my online store. I also have to spend a lot of time on search engine optimization and website maintenance and creation. That paid off already today because I had a new team member sign up through my website. It is hard work and time consuming. some of the time is lost due to unnecessary interruptions. People asking for things someone else (or themselves) could have taken take of. The interruptions add up and they also take away from a productive train of thought and there never seems to be enough hours in the day.
But believe me when I say that women count just as much as men and are NOT some second class citizen that should get second rate pay for first rate work and skills. I am all for equality and the best PERSON for the job.
Good luck Sheila with your endeavors.
Yours in success,
Joseph R. Mays
October 7th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I hear this for a long long time and it is very strange to me.
From very young I was doing my own laundry ironed my own cloths and continue to do so I never asked for a cup of coffee (not even my secretary as I like to move around a little). At home I will do anything from cleaning help with the kids cooking and it never crossed my mind that my wife is just having fun sitting around home.I’m extremely appreciative when after a long days work she has made dinner and I create opportunities to go home early when she out with the kids and cook dinner for them.Has it’s cost from getting off work early but their appreciation makes up for it. I left home very young and I married late. Doing my own cleaning was a matter of necessity and independence was a part of the life I had choose to live.It has come handy now that I have a family and is an additional tool to keep it together.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Again, my husband supports my business. He wants me to make it a success and encourages me when I feel like I am in over my head. He changes his work…travel schedule to match mine because my business requires me to go out and recruit parents and students for tutoring.
He has always been a father who will take care of our daughter and everything that goes with running a home when I have school or work to do. I am blessed to have found a partner like that. Once, he did complain that I never did the laundry. I reminded him that when he met me I was sending my laundry out to be done and he knew of this fact. I had bared my soul to him before we got married…I do not do laundry including folding and ironing. That has not been an issue since the gently reminder.
My husband is similar to Chris E. he left home early and married in his mid-thirties.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I solved the problem!
My husband and I are in business together!
When there is work to be done around the house, we take a break from the ‘business work’ to do ‘house work’. When business is brimming and there is no time to do house work we both understand and let it sit. No one complains because we both know how hard each other works.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:48 am
lol lol omg, I thought I was the only one. I’m ‘ONLY’ in start-up phase as my male counterpart seems to think that start-up should fit caring for my rambunctious 2 year old son 7 days without a moment alone, domestic chores, and cooking. I’ve been questioning his support of my success for a while now. I asked nicely, pleaded, argued and I’m not even married yet. I’m literally at my wits end. I don’t know what else to do?
October 8th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Kudos to the men like Chris E and Joseph Mays. But if your guy isn’t that evolved, you can help him along.
Men don’t hear gentle hints or subtle suggestions. Use clear and direct language. It won’t be perceived as rude. Don’t have expectations that he has no idea you have, and then resent him because he doesn’t read your mind. Ask for help. Clearly. (Don’t believe me? Read “You Just Don’t Understand” by Deborah Tannen.)
And for heaven’s sake, if your guy starts helping you out, thank him profusely! It may seem to you like he’s only doing his share, but you want to reinforce good behavior, right?
October 8th, 2008 at 8:18 am
This is just another male-bashing sexist hate statement.
Men who work outof the home don’t get respect from women eitehr so to single out one gender is just discrimnatory.
October 8th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Here is a suggestion but not a solution because men can come up with the most ridiculous answer to questions.
Do absolutely nothing. No cleaning, cooking, laundry, love making. Let the dishes pile up, let the garbage stink up the whole house. In about a week, the hubby will come to you and say why the house is not clean. Tell them well, since I do nothing all day long, I might as well give my wonderful partner their wishes.
I have to tell you up to date, he does his own dishes, helps me with the laundry, even cooks. Depending on the stubborness of your hubby, a couple of times might do until he gets the picture.
I love to work from home and men just a little note, woman can do 10 times more everything and even better, than you will ever do in a day. God equipped us that way. So when you tell your significant other that they do nothing, ask GOD what we do.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Maid of Honor, I love this idea. I must have already been on your wave length today because I did absolutely no domestic chores today. and used all that time to work. Normally all my free time (my son is napping, playing a game on his own, or watching a movie) I’d try to clean quickly and use the remainder of the time to fit in work.
Well not today I used all my sparse spare time to work. And honestly it not only felt great but I accomplished what it would have taken me 2 days to scramble and do in one day… wow
Now when my Man got home he looked around and said OMG what happened here. I just smiled and said I needed to focus on work today. He looked so puzzled. But I’m keeping it up until he says well it looks like you need help ‘how can I help’
October 9th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Congrats!!! Keep it going. I don’t mean to downpour on the men but let’s face it, they start this “We do Nothing” business. I own 2 companies (wedding/event coordinator and caterer), take care of teenagers, go to school, cook and then we clean as a family, as a team. Took me months to figure out that all I had to do was stop and disappear into my business and books. They all love when the money comes in but they did not understand the pressure I was under. Taught them a lesson ^_^.
Fabi - keep it up. When the question comes up again about what you do, trust me you will know exactly what to say with finesse and if you can, disappear to Barnes and Noble or one of your favorite places. They will eventually start to feel the emptiness and the smell of the house. Good Luck!!
October 9th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
LOL WOW. By neglecting YOUR house you’re going to accomplish what? An Argrument, Drama? Sounds like the early warning signs of a divorce. Hope you are saving money from your home business to cover a marriage consoling and possible divorce court fees.
Simple Solutions: You and the husband outsource the house work and split the cost. Hey we have to pay someone to clean our office, stop being cheap and get someone to clean your office “Home office”.
YOUR CAN’T FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE: IT WILL MAKE MORE FIRE PROMISE!!!
October 9th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
You don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if you were at an office job outside the house. You get caller ID and filter the family and friends phone calls and call them back after work hours. It takes discipline but if you follow that then more will have respect that you are working. I am too busy to do the laundry clean up or go out to lunch. If you can do this during the day that perhaps you need to work less hours and call it part time. I have a business that requires me to work at times 14 hourse. The Laundry will always be there…it gets done before I start work and that is before 8 am and I dry it after I work perhaps 6 or 7 PM…Food shopping is on line now or never…If they don’t have milk or toilet paper…oh well it will have to wait until a day off or after hours…your husband can get something…your bank account will resovle whatever doubt…
Dawn
October 9th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Hi Stella~
While I can relate to your frustrations, I will admit, all husbands are not created equal. I’m fortunate after 23 yrs. of marriage, that my husband does get it! Fancy that.. I didn’t have to use that baseball bat after all.
I’ve been an empty nester for over 10 yrs. and have worked the last three years from home. I devote the daytime between the computer to market my business, correspond with customers, list products, etc. for my web shop. Plus photograph products, pack orders, oh, and we can’t forget telephone time! I spend between 1-2 hrs. with hubby, (whatever he can spare) in the evening, until he hits the hay. Then reside to my studio, until the wee hours, creating items to list in my shop. I’m somewhat of an insomniac.
Did you notice what wasn’t mentioned in this comment? Household chores…ugh! My husband would be afraid to close his eyes at night if he ever asked why “something” wasn’t done.lol!…
If I have issues with a messy room, I will certainly clean it up. I would never assume it is solely his responsibility. I also expect the same curtesy from him. The chores are not divided 50-50 by any means, it’s almost like, who can stand the mess longer! Lol.. We have tons of “Fend for yourself” nights regarding dinner too.
I think when we believe our “happiness and well being” is just as important to us, as theirs is to them, is when they will believe it too.
Michelle
October 9th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
It was approximately 40+ years ago when the tide began to turn regarding Women’s Right‘s.
Some things needed to be addressed such as laws created to protect battered women!
The struggle of “Women’s Right’s” may have been necessary in it’s time but these rights has caused a gross neglect of our self worth and respect.
We have been neglectful of our HOMES, our MARRIAGES, our CHILDREN, our FAMILY‘S , our CHURCH!
Before all is lost we can regain the rights, commandments and freedoms God gave us in the beginning.
It looks like we have gone from the right to be a woman; to the right to be everything a man can be!
AssistantMother
October 10th, 2008 at 3:27 am
Dear AssistantMother,
Addressing your last sentence, as Martha says..”And thats a good thing”
Warmest Wishes for a perfect morning~
October 13th, 2008 at 4:07 am
When I was much, much younger, I worried that the bathroom hadn’t been cleaned that day, or the carpet hadn’t been vacuumed the other day, or the laundry wasn’t put away. Then I grew up because life got in the way . . . my Grandmother needed a place to stay and it was my honor to have her move in with me. Well, time went on, she went to the other side, and I moved. It’s been two decades now. I’ve been a foster parent and needed to keep an impecable home (my caseworkers’ were kind of nitpicky, but not all are). Now, since my child is adopted, I’ve learned to let go and not worry about it. Eventually it all gets done.
I’m an older, single mom, and work weird hours (8pm-4am). My first attempt at a business didn’t do so well. Now I’m test marketing my product here where I currently live so that I can be ready for my reinvention of myself (ok, the economy side-railed me for now).
I can’t afford the luxury of “hiring out” the cleaning, the shopping, the yard maintenance, etc. So I compromise with myself and remember the counter my two-year old just swept off because her little broom did’t stay on the floor needed cleaning off anyway! And I praise her for helping Mommy.
For self-preservation, folks, lighten up! Figure out other ways to accomplish your goals cuz continuing to do the same thing with expectations of a different outcome is the definition of INSANITY!
October 15th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Clarence:
Sounds like you need to speak to my husband to really get the nuts of bolts of things.
Fighting is never the answer to anything. How we get even by understanding our significant other, works. When both partners understand, even better. When one does not understand the other (as you say, grounds for divorce) well, it is what it is.
Congrats on having someone else clean your home.