Did I Just Get an Eye Roll?
Labor Day weekend is coming, which means the in-laws are coming–or as I like to call them the out-laws.
My hubby’s parents are great people, but after I quit work to devote time to my business, I sensed they harbor a little bit of doubt in my project. (Little bit: as in, the Grand Canyon is a little bit deep.)
You see, the in-laws come from a long line of “professionals,” as they like to term themselves. They’re both professionals; their parents were professionals, and their parents’ parents were professionals. Their professional lineage stretches the whole way back to our original cubicle-dwelling ancestor, the cave man. I think their pets even have nine-to-five jobs. Their dog is in middle-management. They have a cat who’s a paralegal.
And that’s fine by me. However, when they visit and–as we all know–the wheels of a start-up business never stop turning for holidays. So, while I work on the business, they’ll have a few patronizing comments and more than a few eye rolls when I discuss my business. I hate the eye roll.
Do the voices of your detractors change when they talk to you? The out-laws actually talk to me in a different voice now. You know how you talk to a lost child you discovered crying in the middle of a crowded mall or shop? Yeah, that’s the voice.
What I want to know, does anyone else have these issues? How did you resolve them? And finally, did you resolve them in such a way that wouldn’t require a long prison stint?
August 25th, 2008 at 10:46 am
I haven’t had them in a while. Best way to resolve them: Success. Landing a big client, or other sort of ‘big win’ usually shuts up the 9-5ers.
Alternative: Flexibility - openly discuss how great it feels to work when you want to work, etc. If you have had a recent opportunity to ‘do what you wanted’ because of your self-managed schedule, make sure they know about it the next time they roll their eyes.
It’s also possible that these tougher economic times are making their lives harder. If they mention that there are cutbacks at work, you can say ‘yeah, that’s one of the reasons I went out on my own.’
Ultimately, though, it’s probably best just to assume they’re being snarky and disdainful because they’re envious of your courage, and are looking for any excuse to help them justify their sheep-like conformist existence.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Oh yeah, I know that scenario. I’ve worked as a consultant for years and my friends always make a point of telling me about the new job openings in their companies. One friend is always telling me I should really get a Masters degree and get a “stable” job because the economy is going downhill (he’s a “glass half empty” sort of guy
My relatives are just as bad. Most don’t understand what I actually do and ask if I have a “real job” yet. I simply point out all the vacation time I’m able to have and the traveling I’ve been able to do whenever they start rolling their eyes and shaking their heads.
Most naysayers will never get it. I love the freedom and variety in what I do and would never go back to captive employment unless I was completely desperate and broke
August 25th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Your comment about the in-laws being rom a long line of professionals reminds of the time I heard someone describing their son as a “logistics coordinator.” He was, in fact, a truck driver.
What i recommend is that you chop down your detractors at the knees. Poke right back at them. Nothing more frustrating to a professional than another professional.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Thanks Rich!
I had a job as “a marketing coordinator” which meant I licked stamps for postcards.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Yes, I think this is a particular problem in mid-Michigan. If you don’t work for GM, MSU or state government, people think there’s something wrong with you. The best way to fight back is to ignore the naysayers and surround yourself with other supportive, successful entrepreneurs.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I have inlaws that are like that, but mines want to be at my house every freaking minutue, every holiday and in my hubby and i business. The hubby and i are the only ones doing good things in the family thank you Jesus. I must say i have gotten rid of them and let the hubby know it is time for them to find a new house to bark at. Once the hubby left for overseas business i changed the number and started getting my business going. i only let them have the cell phone to call. If you tell them your busy with getting your business started they just act like you never told them. they would have another family member to call you and act like they were never told to call at a certain time just to get info out of you and call back to the other inlaws to inform them. Now i am in law free and when they call the cell phone can pick up the message. When holidays come they would have one of the sister in laws to call my hubby and try and force him to make me have a holiday gather which turns into a night mare and that is over with too. No more holidays unless i decide to have them. The hubby is gone and they’re wondering what the **** happended. I let them know i am doing my business and they need to get a life. we have not seen them almost a year now which i am so happy my business is on track without all that headache. i just say stay focus and put your foot down with inlaws from hell. I must say some family memebers get jealous when you’re starting a business and not including them. I say don’t include them cause it only leads to problems later and they’ll always want to be in your pocket book and never want to work for a dime of the money. Just keep them out of the loop.