Lunch from hell
We’ve been to some real doozies of business lunch meetings…including some awkward situations where we had to make on-the-spot judgement calls on what was appropriate to do.
Just to make sure we’re acting appropriately, we thought we’d tap your thoughts about proper etiquette during a business lunch.
Here’s a typical scenario:
Harry calls you at your office. You’ve never met him before. He says Marla, your good friend, referred him to you. He wants to meet for lunch to pitch you a couple of interesting ideas that might make sense for your business.
Etiquette Q #1:
Are you obligated to take the lunch meeting?
…You say yes.
A couple days later, you meet Harry at a fancy local restaurant… his choice. You shake hands, get seated, and start in on small talk.
Then some more small talk…
Then some more… (enough kibbutzing already!).
Etiquette Q #2:
When do you cut the niceties and get down to business?
…You interrupt and ask about the ideas Harry wanted to pitch you.
A minute later, just as Harry is building to a crescendo in his pitch, your phone rings. You recognize the caller’s number–it’s an important call.
Etiquette Q #3:
Do you take the call?
…You let it ring…painfully…
Meanwhile, Harry takes this as a sign of interest and starts diving deeper into detail. (It’s not your cup of tea. Bummer. You’re stuck.)
Etiquette Q #4:
Even so, do you nod your head as if you’re "getting it" and "liking it" just to be kind?
Etiquette Q #5:
Do you start working on an escape plan?
…You smile kindly, masking the fact that you feel like your leg is stuck in a bear trap (trap = Harry spewing off his ideas). You can hear every tick of the second hand on the clock on the far wall.
You’re thinking, I don’t have time for this! I just missed an important call. This guy is rambling on about something I don’t give $.02 about, my fish is raw, my water glass has been empty for 20 minutes, this place is a scene, and WHAT WAS MARLA THINKING?!
Larry (or was it "Harry"?) is still talking about the raw potential of his ideas, but the waiter eventually finds a way to wedge in and interrupt. He asks if coffee is desired.
You promptly say, "No," just as Harry says, "Yes."
Etiquette Q #6:
Do you come out and say, "Sorry, Harry. I’ve gotta run!" …or do you slump a little, accepting your fate, and say, "Oh, then I’ll have some, too" just to be considerate?
…from somewhere deep in your entrepreneurial core, you hear yourself say with gusto, "Sorry, Harry, I’ve gotta run! I’ve got to get back to work."
Harry is crestfallen. You instantly feel bad for him. He looks at you with a forced smile and asks if he should call you to arrange a follow up meeting at your office.
Etiquette Q #7:
Do you say, "Sure, give me a ring." Or do you tell it like it is: "No, Harry, I’m not that interested. But say ‘Hi’ to Marla for me."
And for those of you prone to guilt, the natural last question is,
Etiquette Q #8:
Who pays?
August 9th, 2005 at 12:03 pm
First off, I would have asked what the ideas were before ever meeting with him. I would explain that I would not want to take up his valuable time if I did not use the services or products he offers. In orther words, I would have qualified him prior to committing time to meet with him.
August 9th, 2005 at 1:50 pm
Good thing I made our lunch for a 1 hour block (11:30-12:30). About the phone call, properness calls for PHONE OFF, rudness meter==>10 for phone interuptions! Payment, worked out prior, my turn or his/hers, or dutch.
Keep up the Great work!
August 9th, 2005 at 2:04 pm
Find out more about Harry from Marla - what does she think of Harry, what is Harry working on, etc. Why does she think it’s a good idea for Harry to meet with me? Maybe he has something good for me, but assumes that I am interested in something else. I’d never know from this scenario.
Be polite, but keep control of the conversation. It is Harry that is imposing on your time, not the other way around.
August 9th, 2005 at 6:22 pm
Rule #1 - Better not to go than to go into a ‘blind date.’ Without pre-qualification, either or both people could be mis-connected.
Rule #2 - Don’t feel stuck. If it’s not going well (after several clear signals), best to simply say so and cut your losses. Pay for what you’ve ordered and leave with a smile, handshake, and thanks.
August 9th, 2005 at 6:58 pm
The first thing I would have done would have been to qualify this guy with Marla - how do I know that Marla referred him to me or if he’s just name-dropping? If I refer someone, I make it a personal referral, even if it’s just an email saying that I referred them and that I think it’s worth their time.
I might have given him ten minutes in my office or five on the phone on their say-so that Marla referred them, but not a lunch.
August 9th, 2005 at 11:09 pm
Firstly find out a little background information on what Harry is going to talk about before agreeing to such a meeting. If the background information seemed promising…
Personally I think since I did agree to this meeting that I would hear him out to a certain point. If it was heading in a direction I didn’t like I would say: "That part you just talked about doesn’t suit my business. Is that an important part of you idea for you?" If its too important for Harry then that will be that.
I think that you should pay for what you had to eat/drink, its only fair.
August 10th, 2005 at 9:19 am
I agree with the dating analogy. I don’t know why Marla thought I should meet Harry/Larry, so it is a very blind date. So, fine, whatever, I didn’t vet him before hand. There is no problem with interrupting Larry/Harry mid-stream with something like, "You know what? I have to apologize. My head was someplace else before I got here, and I haven’t been fully ‘there’ this whole time. Add on top of that, I didn’t really take the time to talk with Marla in depth, and so I wasn’t prepared for our meeting. So, can we go back to square one? How is it you know Marla, and what was it that you and she thought was ideal about me that you and I needed to meet? .." Along that line. Give poor Larry/Harry a chance to get back on track before you off him completely. He may just be too darn nervous that he’s babbling. He also may have assumed that Marla already prepped you when she really didn’t. The fact is, you are both there, and you can choose to let this turn into a wasted hour, or you can try to salvage it. If you TRY, and it turns out to really have been a waste, at least you know you tried.