I have to agree with you. You learn to tell them what you are going to tell, tell them, and then tell them what you told them. I think information scattered with no true flow. People will start asking themselves why should I give this person my information if he is not giving me a taste. The video needs some work. People perception would be that theirs will look the same. There should be a professional looking video or shorten the words, and the owner of the landing page do a presentation video.