Ok I`m going to make this painful and constructive. For too long my brother and I found ourselves pussyfooting around afraid to tell the marketing guys how we felt about the way something was done...just say that we didn`t want to hurt their feelings. That proved to be a very poor decision. Now we are very forward and blunt about most types of mistakes; mispelling, improper or incorrect information, graphics that don`t fit the caption, poor color coordination, or just being plain boring! Now we have quality work coming out of them. They are more careful to check things on their own and they even seek the opinion of others which also aids them in finding hidden errors. If you are thinned skinned and can`t handle criticism you need to NOT be in marketing OR learn how to accept it and correct it.
What we do is a quick review something like this...(Keep in mind this is a quick revision.....you will have to do the fine tuning on your own! and then learn to self-tune.)---------------------------------------
New 2-Piece Tandem Pin Puller and 5th Wheel Release
What is the name of the product? This would be a good place to put it. How about the announcment style? Can this be made to at least generate some level of anticipation or excitement for the end-user-- the guy that has to put up with pulling pins all the time and hates it? Don`t put the reader to sleep with boring repetetive statements.
M & G MFG CO LLC has introduced a new tandem pin puller & Fifth Wheel Release to interface with multiple trailers.
Incorporate the name of the company and the product description at the beginning. Don`t worry about contact information. It is generally accepted to be at the bottom of an article.
Crossville TN (PRWEB) April 17, 2006 -- M & G MFG CO LLC has introduced a new tandem pin puller & Fifth Wheel Release to interface with multiple trailers.
Ok. This is the 3rd time I`ve seen the phrase "new tandem pin puller" we get the picture. The release date should be in the heading. The company name should be in the first line along with the product name.
To pull the tandem pins requires a truck driver to use the strength in their arm & back. This causes a great amount of stress on the shoulder and back.
Wow that is a really awkward sentence! We also have the sentence starting with "To" and then it`s followed with an incomplete sentence. This is where you dive in and remind the reader of this problem and then quickly let them know that there is a solution and it`s YOUR product!
EXAMPLE: Truck drivers everywhere are all too aware of the difficulties involved with pulling tandem pins. The standard way of pulling the tandem pin creates tremendous arm, shoulder, and back stress which too often is great enough to cause debilitating injuries. The new Equalizer tandem pin puller greatly reduces the chance of injury and allows this typically difficult task to be performed with ease.
CHANGE THIS---->The Equalizer tandem pin puller was designed to let a driver stand beside their trailer and use the leverage of the side of their trailer and the leverage of the curved handle of the tandem pin puller, instead of being bent over under your trailer, in an awkward position, trying to pull the tandem release handle.
TRY THIS INSTEAD--->The unique patent pending curved handle design of the Equalizer tandem pin puller allows the driver to comfortably stand beside their trailer to pull the tandem release handle. Without the Equalizer the drivers find themselves in an awkward and sometimes painful hunched over position. This problem has been cited as the cause of many injuries leading to medical claims, missed work days and ultimately costs trucking companies thousands of dollars.
REMOVE THIS----The design of the new Equalizer Tandem Pin Puller saves injuries to the driver. When truck drivers get hurt it can cost trucking companies thousands of dollars in medical and time off. The driver shouldn`t have to get hurt to do his/her job.
MOVE THIS AND REWORD--->There are a lot of different tandem pin pullers on the market, but the Equalizer tandem pin puller takes a simple, straight forward approach to a difficult job.
REWORD THIS--->Truck Drivers that we had contact with tell us that getting the tandem pins pulled is a hard strenuous, sometimes dangerous job. Drivers have hurt themselves pulling the tandem pins. The equalizer tandem pin puller makes pulling the pins safer and easier.
Truckers agree- there are dozens of kinds of tandem pin pullers on the market but none of them achieve the task of this difficult job in a more simple and straightforward manner.
(DON`T KNOW IF YOU`VE DONE ACTUAL TESTING WITH DRIVERS BUT A QUICK TESTIMONIAL HERE WOULD BE GREAT)
REMOVE-->It`s Unique. The Equalizer Tandem Pin Puller is the only tandem pin puller that has a curve in the handle. ALREADY SAID THIS
After trying the pin pullers on the market we found that most of them didn`t meet the needs of the truck driver. The straight handles couldn`t supply the leverage that was needed to release the pins. With the 45 degree curve in the handle of the Equalizer Tandem Pin Puller, this gives a truck driver a longer straighter pull that is needed to release the tandem pins. (SOUNDS GOOD)
The Equalizer Tandem Pin Puller is the only two piece tandem pin puller. The one piece pin puller doesn`t work on all trailers, because a driver can only hook them up one way. This is a problem because some handles are round, some handles are square, some handles are straight, some turn up and some turn down, making it difficult for a driver to always have the right pin puller for that trailer. Since the Equalizer Tandem Pin Puller is a unique two piece tool., the truck driver that carries the Equalizer is always prepared for any type tandem handle. AGAIN VERY AWKWARD. THIS CAN BE SUMMED UP NEATLY AND YOU CAN ADD THE CONTENT FROM THE NEXT TWO PARAGRAPHS AS WELL BUT THEY NEED REWORDING ALSO
REWORD AND ADD TO ABOVEhe Equalizer Tandem Pin Puller looks good.
We wanted the Equalizer to look as good as it works, we decided on a black handle with orange grips. The black hides dirt and grease. Is a good strong color and works for everyone. The female and the male truck drivers.(?????) DID YOU ACTUALLY READ THIS?
PRODUCT DESCRIPTION CAN BE PULLED TOGETHER INTO A COHESIVE PARAGRAPH. THIS IS ALL OVER THE BOARD AND BROKEN UP. --->The orange grips helps to find it in the dark, protect the side of the trailer and the hands. The 25 inch unit can be stored in your side box and provides a simple hook-up and release . The Equalizer Tandem Pin Puller a one driver release system for your tandem handles. Its patent pending design is unique, strong and made to save a truck driver time and money.
THE END NEEDS A QUICK WRAP UP (VERY QUICK) AND CONTACT INFORMATION........
The Equalizer tandem pin puller is quickly changing the everyday lives of truck drivers everywhere and increasing productivity at the same time.
For more information call Willie Dotherightthing at 123-456-7890 or visit the web site at equalizerpinpuller.com
One more quick note......if you haven`t looked into trademarking your name for your product you should and then use that trademark symbol whenever possible next to the name. It gives it authority and put potential buyers at ease.
Thanks for reading my long winded reply!
JE Design Group, LLC
If all you do is what you`ve done, then all you`ll get is what you`ve got.