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Thanks to All. By George I think I;ve Got It!!

 
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katt33

posts: 484

Jan 06, 2007 2:59 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I Have Got it Haven`t I?

 

Caterina Fashions & Beauty Incorporated

P.O. Box 904 Peck Slip Station

New York, New York 10272-0904

media@caterinafashionsbeauty.net

212769 7912

Katherine Appello

212 769 7912

New York, NY – January 6, 2007  - Caterina Fashions & Beauty is partnering with Wi-Fi TV to create an Eco-fashion Channel that will feature shows and infomercials about eco-friendly and fair trade fashion and accessories. 

The firm is committed to selling clothes that reflect not only beauty, but also sophistication.  To this point, Caterina is offering manufacturers of such apparel and accessories the chance to showcase their lines on the Caterina ECO-Fashion Channel.  This can be done in several ways, such as half hour or full hour fashions shows and commentary or 60 second infomercials.  We can put together a package to create, produce and air your show or infomercial.  Give us a reasonable budget to work with and we do the rest.  The channel will have global outreach and can later even be syndicated.  The goal of this firm is to bring beauty to households worldwide that do not involve exploitation or slave labor.  If you also have that goal and are trying to bring your fashion and accessories to a mass audience, please consider doing so in partnership with us.

Why Wi-Fi?  Wi-Fi TV pushes the door wide open for all businesses and organizations to take advantage of Internet TV ownership and advertising for those who don’t want the hassle of owning a station.  Combining this valuable tool with an internet mall that allows vendors to have their own customized store and much more for a low monthly fee and minimum royalties will take business to new heights. 

In addition, Wi-Fi TV Inc. is ending 2006 with a impressive content, technology, and aggressive promotions and business plan that seeks to outrun such web and technology leaders as MySpace, YouTube and Skype.    Wi-Fi TV Members in up to 25 Different Locations Can See and Hear Each Other and Any Member Can Host a Party as Social Internet TV(TM) Goes Global

You may contact Ms. Appello by phone or email and we look forward to working with you.

katt332007-1-6 15:0:20
PRPro

posts: 441

Jan 06, 2007 4:22 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Hi Katherine,

You did a nice job on the rewrite. At this point, you may want to review it one more time for readability issues.

It is somewhat difficult to read on this page so you may want to make each sentence more short and succinct. Also, what is the headline for this release?

Thanks,
Melanie



-------------------------

Melanie Rembrandt
CEO, Rembrandt Communications®, LLC
Visit www.rembrandtwrites.com for valuable PR tips and SEO copywriting help!
Twitter: @RembrandtWrites
ujeans

posts: 89

Jan 07, 2007 12:14 AM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Hello Katt33,

Your business sounds cool.  I like companies that have environmental and ethical standards.  Overall the press release is good, but it seems too much like the first half was written "differently" than the second half.  Was the part starting with "Why Wi-Fi" provided by Wi-Fi?  It doesn’t detract from the press release, but I think it should flow better.

I’ve a big fan of "less is more".  Try not to be too "wordy" when writing the press releases.  If there’s a way to say the same with fewer words (with out taking away from the over all message), then you should.

With that being said here are my suggestions:

The firm is committed...
Caterina is committed...


We can put together a package to create, produce and air your show or infomercial.  Give us a reasonable budget to work with and we do the rest.

With a reasonable budget we can put together a complete package of creating, producing and airing your show or infomercial.


The channel will have global outreach and can later even be syndicated.

The channel has a global outreach with syndication potential.


The goal of this firm is to bring beauty ...

Our goal is to bring beauty...


If you also have that goal and are trying to bring your fashion and accessories to a mass audience, please consider doing so in partnership with us.

If you share our goal and are trying to bring your fashion or accessories to a mass audience, please consider partnering with us.





-------------------------

Daniel the Denim Doctor
CraigL

posts: 9051

Jan 07, 2007 8:20 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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If this is going to be a "press release," nobody cares about your personal thoughts, your editorial comments, your hopes and dreams. All that matter are the facts.

On the other hand, if this is actually meant as an introductory cover letter to an offer package or investment or sales package, then you can get into the personal stuff.

Stick with the "Executive summary" for a press release, and the standard WWWWH:

Who: is this who`s talking to me?
What: are they trying to tell me?
When: does this information take effect?
Where: do I have to go to take advantage of it?
How: do I get involved if I`m interested?
katt33

posts: 484

Jan 07, 2007 10:01 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I figured to just post it as a response to you and all.  Again Thank You.  If anyone is interested in this opportunity, please let me know.  I made changes.

 

Katherine Appello

212 769 7912

 

ECO Media Chic

Katherine Appello and Wi-Fi Working To Making It Happen

 

New York, NY – January 6, 2007  -  Katherine Appello, President and CEO of Caterina Fashions & Beauty, which is poised to create a second firm for this venture, is partnering with Wi-Fi TV to create an Eco-fashion Channel, and media firm that will feature shows and infomercials about eco-friendly and fair trade fashion and accessories. 

 

The firm is committed to selling clothes that reflect not only beauty, but also sophistication.  To this point, Ms. Appello is offering manufacturers of such apparel and accessories the chance to showcase their lines on the Global Horizons ECO-Fashion Channel.  This can be done in several ways, such as half hour or full hour fashions shows and commentary or 60 second infomercials.  We can put together a package to create, produce and air your show or infomercial.  Give us a reasonable budget to work with and we do the rest. The channel will have global outreach and can later even be syndicated.  If you are trying to bring your organic, fair trade, fashions and accessories to a mass audience, please consider doing so in partnership with us.

 

Why not take advantage of Internet TV ownership and advertising without the hassle of owning a station.  Combining this valuable tool with an internet mall that allows vendors to have their own customized store and much more can take your business to new heights.  In addition, with syndication options and the constant growth of Wi-Fi TV, your business can reach new heights or expand on the ones already in place.

 

You may contact Ms. Appello by phone or email and we look forward to working with you.

 

CraigL

posts: 9051

Jan 08, 2007 12:01 AM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Now THAT`s what we`re talkin` about... ;-D
ujeans

posts: 89

Jan 08, 2007 12:39 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I like, much better!



-------------------------

Daniel the Denim Doctor
katt33

posts: 484

Jan 08, 2007 2:15 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I would love to offer all SUN members aligned with planet conscious products and services to be part of the mall and TV Station online, of course, at special rates.  I will post all that once it is all set.  Thank You all so much. 

OHDenise

posts: 438

Jan 09, 2007 5:55 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Katherine,

I don`t have any critique comments to submit, but I did want to express my support of your endeavor. I`m so happy to see that you have followed your passion and have been able to take the steps to make it happen.

Way to go Katt! You are an inspiration to startup entrepreneurs everywhere!

Denise

beautifulpetunia

posts: 327

Jan 19, 2007 2:51 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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It is so awesome watching you take this from your vision and ideas to a structured press release!

This is such a great opportunity that you have created here, and you have taken all the little pieces and fit them together: Outstanding!

How can I get onboard?  

 

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