Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

I took everyone`s advice and changed up the copy. I have more changes to make, but thought these matters were the most pressing:

- Made the font darker and bigger on all pages.

- Changed the homepage content. Shortened it, took out a lot of the jokes, and added in bullet points with links to sign up.

- Changed the "services" tab at the top of the page to "Sign Up!"

- Changed the "How it works" content. Shortened it, took out many of the jokes, added in a paragraph about our discretion, and tried to answer some of the questions you guys had.

Please let me know what you think of the changes. I look forward (I think) to the critiques!

www.studentsuds.com

KUDOS to you!!

EXCELLENT job on the revision!!!  I believe this will be an excellent venture for you.  Probably won`t be long until we see student suds all over the country.

Best of Luck to you!!

brilie54, this is such a wonderful concept! I love the site and I did not know services like this existed...  I`ve been out of college for a while, but where were you in 1993!?   Being a graduate of  UCF, I can`t help but root for ya!!!  Go Knights!

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Leslie
Founder and President
Charmed Life Products LLC
Grill Charms™… The MUST HAVE grilling accessory that is revolutionizing the American Cook-out AND The perfect gift for any occasion!
Grill Charms
                                                                                                    

WAY gooder!! I had no problem at all navigating right from the underlined "Sign up" link, to the specifics.

One simple suggestion. On the specific plans, add the words "Per Semester" to their titles. So "Lite Plan -- $239 per semeseter." and so for forth. This hopefully will still the troubled hearts of those who think it`s too expensive.

You might consider having, on the details page, a "cost per week" breakout, or even some sort of cost per load. I know I saw on the other thread a concern that $100 (with no time frame) is a lot of money for a college student. But if it were broken down...or maybe even sold as...$7 per week, that`d help.

Copy could still use a bit of work, but we`ve been there done that. Much more important is that Very Fast transmission of a) Your problem, b) What we do, and (most importantly) c) What we Offer as a solution.

Excellent :-)

The way my site is set up....I put in the price of the product, and it automatically inserts it into the description.....ie $239.99.

I will ask my web developers if I can change that, but I think it`s pretty solid as far as the e-commerce program goes.

Craig, when you say the copy still needs work, are you still talking about the sentence with the `taboo" in it? I really don`t know what to replace that whole introduction with. I think its a good lead in, and I think if I change it a little bit I will need to just wipe it out and start from scratch. I`d love to see an example of what you`d change.   : )

Your site has improved considerably from what I saw a week ago, and as a parent, I would now want to know more.  I hope that you have plenty of appropriate meta-tags so that a Google search will find you in a couple of years when my kids start going off to college.

The second paragraph on the home page is still your weakest point in the site.  "Taboo" bothers me  The literal meaning of "taboo" doesn`t fit the context of the site or your service.  The humor in your supporting pages is appropriate and it does add to the feeling of "family" (temporary mom away from home).  Surely you can do better than something as abstract as "taboo".  (Yuk! comes to mind when I think of burning up two or three hours to do laundry.




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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

Brillie,
My suggestion would be that you get a consult from a copywriter who does this for a living. Make it a flat-fee, and you could even bid it out with a price limit you can afford, on someplace like elance.com. Have them look over the site and give you a report as to what you might want to consider.

Copywriting is global to a site, it`s not just 1 sentence or page. One of our community members wrote a basic article about copywriting that discusses some of the key concepts. "Copywriting, Part 2," -by CookieMonster.

I don`t know if I missed it last time or you just added it....but I found the "participating schools" block on the front page of your website.  TOTAL bummer that you don`t have it out here in LasVegas yet....siiiigggh....maybe contact student government at College of Southern Nevada, University of Nevada Las Vegas & Nevada State College.  Perhaps they could get you in contact with some budding entrepreneuers with in the school to get your ball rolling out here! 

   Although I still absolutely love your idea, I still say you need to play up gift certificates / gift cards.  I`m still not seeing that?   That`s a lot of money for someone who`s in school full time and working part time and they have normal bills as it is.  Having a laundry service is a luxury.  You`re excluding a big majority of students I say with the price, but I know you`re not a charity.  Gift cards or certificates that family could purchase on-line for their soon to be college student I bet would generate some more income for you.  Hit up the high schools with on line flyers or even mailers close to senior graduation to get the word out about your services - AND GIFT CARDS that mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma & grandpa could purchase for them.  I sweeeer too corporations have got to love gift cards .. can`t tell you how many I`ve lost and not cashed in on.  

Best wishes to you!!


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JM

Wow, Great Idea!!! Love the site! Love the pictures! I think it`s superb!

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earthlyaffair.com (work in progress)
earthfriendlywedding.blogspot.com (blog)

This whole concept is just begging for franchise operations. Costs a lot of money, though....but no doubt there`s a market across the country.