Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

OK, so I`m looking to move from the research phase into the actually getting things done phase, and I find that after all the courage I`ve built up, I need to double it to get my husband on board. He knows this is important to me, but he`s afraid of the time and money comittment. He is nervous about the risks involved, but I have researched my ideas, and you will never succeed until you try.

I have figured out some ways to lower my start up costs, but the time thing, I really don`t know how to ease his tension on that one. How do you spend some time working on your business (after coming home from your full time job) and then assure your loved ones that you`ll still make time for them?

In order for any business to succeed you have to be willing to dedicate all of the time necessary.  On the other hand, in order for any marriage or family to be happy and healthy you need to be willing to dedicate the time necessary to make that work too.  You can certainly carve out specific periods of time throughtout the week to spend with family, but lets be realistic...if something comes up that could mean advancing your business but you are scheduled to watch a movie with the family, which one are you going to do?  Don`t make promises you can not realistically keep because it will only cause more difficulty and serve as a distraction.  This is a tough one...if your husband is not onboard with sharing what time you have left after your full time job and you know how much of "you" it is going to take to make this thing work, then you probably already know the answer to your question.  Perhaps "you" are ready, but its just not the right time.  Had I started a business 10 or even 5 years ago, I would be in the same boat.  Today, my husband is fully supportive.  If you do push forward, be prepared for the consequences...and good luck!

-------------------------

LoriKay

I am married with 5 kids.  I began my business while working full-time outside of the home.  I committed to myself that I was not going to let the "busywork" of my business interfere with family time.  I am fortunate in that I require very little sleep and my family is down and out by 9:00pm.  This left me with 3 hours every night to do paperwork, accounting, website updates, organizing and planning.  I used my lunch hours at my day job to return phone calls and do those business matters that required daylight.  HOWEVER, there were still evenings and weekends that my family had to manage without me.  It is a constant balancing act.  I agree with Lori in that 5 years ago, this would not have worked for my family.

You will make a good decision together with your husband.  It is rare in couples that both parties are risk-takers.  My husband certainly is not. 

Good luck!

-------------------------

Kindra Beauprey Director Liberty Bell Spirit Squad www.libertybells.net

Actually, if you think about it, this isn`t any different than when two people marry and have two different careers. How do they decide which career takes priority if one or the other gets a fabulous promotion, job offer, or is relocated?

To me, if two people haven`t discussed this problem before getting married, that`s a core communication issue. It`s like never discussing each philosophy of child-rearing before having children. (This presupposes not "having to" get married, but choosing.)

Philosophically, it`s better to focus on one`s idea and passion than to derive happiness from another person. In other words, if two religious people marry based on the shared faith, it`s actually a three-way marriage: Man, woman, and their God.

Suppose the man marries the woman because he`s enchanted with her, but she`s deeply passionate about her religion and decides she`d like to pursue something like mission work. Does the man-now-husband have the right to tell her no? Wasn`t her religion a higher priority before they married?

So too, your individuality, your core self, your values, your creative spirit, all take precedence over how your husband feels about his own fears and insecurities. Which is more important to you, your Self, or your compromises and efforts to make someone else happy?

I`d propose you read "The Virtue of Selfishness," by Ayn Rand. It differentiates between what modern people sense is some vague thing about being selfish, and an articulate philosophy of self-interest, rational development, and personal growth and development. There`s a big difference between rational self-interest and being stubborn or egotistical.

If you throw away your life-time dream on the basis that someone else is scared, you`ll probably regret that decision for the remainder of your life. Yes it`s scarey to contemplate losing your husband due to his worries, so why contemplate it that way? Why not contemplate how marvelous would life become if you and your husband both shared a third perspective---the fulfillment and joy of creating something?

Hi! Yes, it will be tough in the beginning, but believe me - once you start selling your items and the money starts coming in he will change his tune. :) I don`t know exactly what your business is, but perhaps you can involve him in some things so you can spend time together. Also, remind him that as you get more successful, you can both celebrate by taking some fun vacations.
Good luck!

It took some convincing to get my wife on board, and I find myself having to constantly reassure her. The trick is to not give your husband anytime to think about the odds. Think of any issues that he has or can come up with and come up with a rock hard counter statement that basically shows him that there isn`t anything that he can think of that you haven`t already thought about and worked out. A side benefit to this, is when you are talking to potential clients, investors, etc, you will be able to give clear concise mini elevator pitches that leave everyone thinking that you have a level head on your shoulders and you aren`t jumping into something blindly, but are well versed in your field.

FiberArtist--

I have no clue what fiberartists do or what your full time "job" is; however, you work outside the home at least 40 hours/week, you are a homemaker and wife, that`s a full time job and you might also be a parent, another full time job.  None of these jobs can be done fully and well unless you, yourself, are also fulfilled.  Furthermore, at any given time your current employer could downsize or change strategies and your current outside full time job could be eliminated (this happened to me while I was on vacation several years ago).

Most women are fabulous multi-taskers.  There might be many ways in which you can streamline the risks and the things you need to do for your startup business while maintaining the rest of what you do in order to make the whole process easier.  Any time you take a risk there is fear, but you can`t let fear stop you if you want to succeed.  Perhaps you can outline your business plan to your hubby, the steps you are going to take, the ways in which you plan to minimize risk, and ask him for his input and what he would do differently.  Hey, another perspective can`t hurt...he may come up with something you never thought of! 

His involvement might help alleviate his fears. 

Let us know what the business is--maybe we`ve got some suggestions too!  Good luck!

Jillybeans

Hey Fiberalist.
A good question is, "Is your husband afraid of change?"
Big lifetime events such as:  A new home, a new car, growing family, etc require change.  After reading your post, I reflected on my past experiences with my wife and I was always the one to say, "Yeah, but..."
It may sound silly, but you might want to involve your husband with  your business activities in small, comfortable increments that won`t spook him out of his "Confort Zone."  The main thing is, keep him involved to assure him his advice and support is important to you.
I hope this helps!
John


-------------------------

John Goette Mi Ventaja Computer Training Systems

I  know where you are coming from about getting your mate onboard.I went through that with my wife.It can drive you crazy.

In the times we live in, and the high cost of living, it is foolish not to think about making money on the internet.There are a few  quality companies that offer enormous compensation.

Show him the money. Again and again and again. Any quality business will expose their revenue stream. And it should be easy to see. He should be able to see the stream of clients needed to make him wealthy.

Maybe by next year he will be working full time marketing your business ideas

Best of luck