Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

There`s this weird mindset out there (wherever that is) about avoiding putting the price anywhere! Why? I have no idea, but it`s just plain stoopitt.

Replace all your home page stuff, EXCEPT that excellent picture, with the most basic possible information.
What else do you need? :-)

You think it should really be that simple? I`m new to the game, so I trust your judgment better than my own, but I feel like I should be giving a bit more info.

Also, I don`t want to completely give up the `quirky` style that my website has. So, I`d like to keep some of the punchlines, just to give it some flavor.

The above is the basic concept. Yes, you can put in a bit more stuff, flesh out the bullet points, and so forth. But what I`m saying is that you don`t need a whole lot of content. Keep the humor, quirks, and so forth, but note how the "call to action" for pricing and services is a link within a simple statement?

It`s just "keep it simple," y`know? :-) These are college kids, after all, so they`re dumb as rocks!

All of it.

Delete all of it.

The picture says it all, and all the copy that you need is: "We will collect, wash, dry and fold your laundry in a 48-hour turnaround. And because we provide free pick up and delivery, you`ll never even have to leave your dorm."

Move the stuff on the right to another page.


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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

Hi Brilie54!

CUTE CUTE CUTE logo and picture.  All these guys knows what they are talking about.  On my site (which I have not done the updates on as I`m waiting for other stuff to do 1 big ol`update) these guys said the same thing... SIMPLIFY and I can totally relate as to how painful it is to slash and burn such wonderful copy BUT...it`s so true!!!  I`m going to do the same thing and use some wonderful bullet points, more white space and K.I.S.S.  As much as I like to think people love to read the poetry that comes spewing from my fingertips...it`s just not going to hold clickers` attention long enough to convert to sales.  Very cool biz!

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Leslie
Founder and President
Charmed Life Products LLC
Grill Charms™… The MUST HAVE grilling accessory that is revolutionizing the American Cook-out AND The perfect gift for any occasion!
Grill Charms
                                                                                                    

Thanks for all the comments, really helpful.

I`m going to replace the text on the homepage with some simple bullet points. I`ll post them for critique when I finish writing them and before I actually make the changes on the site.

As far as moving the stuff on the right to another page, I don`t see the point of that. The entrepreneurs section is our entire basis for expansion and is a very important section for us. The list of schools we service is also important information, obviously.

The point is that the photo and the caption are an amazingly powerful message by themselves.

Yes, the schools served is important, as is the invitation to franchise and the details of the services.  But they don`t need to be on the front page to distract from that visual.  Just put nav buttons to "Locations" and "Services".  In locations you can solicit for franchises at unserved schools.

Look at it this way, if you are successful, then the list of schools could dominate your front page.


-------------------------

Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

delete the first 4 paragraphs on the home page. it takes too much reading to get to the most important point.

then split it up into 2 columns, one for students, the other for parents.

show the prices on the home page with a big button to the sign up page.

Put the humor in the FAQ section. Refine the humor. I didn`t find it very funny nor witty. But keep trying.

College List: Make the font color for the colleges darker, it has no contrast with the box background. Group this list by state, so the can find their college faster.

FLORIDA
    South Florida University
    Tampa University
 INDIANA
    Indiana Univ - Bloomington

at the bottom of the colleges list, put a link to request this service at their local college. collect the data and then actively find someone to open a franchise at that location, using the "Proof" that there is a market.

Add a viral component, a way for student to email the site to friends. These could be email postcards, short funny videos about laundry, etc. Make it easy for them to spread the word.

You need a toll free number on all pages, up in the header, and on the contact us page. No one will buy it they feel that they can`t contact you buy phone to be sure you won`t steal they`re laundry. :-)

Change the SERVICES link to say PRICES. Keep it simple. Put "per semester" next to the prices - i.e. Light Plan-$239.99 / per semester

On the description of the plan, you need to indicate how often you will pickup. i.e. is this a daily pickup, once a week, every 2 weeks, etc. If I can get you to do my laundry every day for $240 a semester, you`re going to go broke trying. Put a link to the how it works page on the service detail page.

And simplify that how it works page. YUK. I don`t want to read all those jokes, I just want to find out how much fits, when you pick up, when I get it back, how much it costs, what do I do if I have a problem... Use graphic images to highlight each one of these major questions, and then have short but descriptive explanations for each. Don`t waste your readers time with jokes. Laundry is scary, personal stuff - not funny.

I hope you have the operational logistics worked out too. Webvan failed by promising before testing the reality of it, so be sure to have everything planned out first and do some test runs to iron out (get the humor) any problems... especially how to scale and get fast financing to grow if your idea becomes really popular really fast.

Good luck, sounds like a winner.

Ok, here`s my first round of revisions for the "How it Works" section. I`ve eliminated about 25% of the text. Comments welcome!



The average college student spends 3 hours a week doing laundry. That’s almost 100 hours per year!

We know (or hope) you have better things to do with your time. So, in short, we`ll pick up your dirty laundry once a week, clean it, dry it, fold it, and have it back to you before you can say `good hygiene is the highway to love`.

Getting you out of the laundry room and into the library or onto the sports field. Or anywhere else Mom and Dad would rather you be.

Here`s what we do:

- Your clothes are emitting a strange odor from the corner of your room.
- Luckily, it`s your designated Student Suds pick-up day.
- When we`re outside your dorm or apartment, we`ll call you.
- Once you`re out of bed, you provide us with your laundry and/or dry cleaning bags.
- At the Suds House, we`ll split your gear into whites and colors, giving your clothes their very own machine all to themselves. They like that. It`s like a little spa day for them.
- We`ll use only brand-name detergent, Mom.
- We`ll wash whites in warm water and colors in cold.
- We`ll place your load carefully into its very own dryer.
- We`ll neatly fold all your laundry (note: Man Folding is forbidden) or hang your dry cleaning on hangers. For full-on freshness, we`ll wrap it in plastic.
- On your drop-off day (no later than 48 hours later), we`ll deliver your clothes.
- You use the three hours you`ve gained to get smelly again. Perfect.

Sign up for one of our laundry plans and you`ll automatically receive a free dry cleaning bag. Then, simply give us your dry cleaning bag along with your regular laundry bag, and we`ll bill your credit card according to our low rates.

What could be simpler? OK, eating soup is simpler. But less satisfying. And you burn your mouth. So sign up today. Or we`ll get upset.

Need more information? Read the FAQ

Here`s how we save you time and money:

- You throw your dirty laundry in our free laundry bags.
- Once a week, on a day & time you pick, we`ll show up at your dorm or apartment to pickup your laundry. We`ll call you when we arrive at your location to make sure you`re not naked.
- We take your laundry back to the Suds House, and carefully sort your clothes into whites and colors. Your clothes get their own washer & dryer, so there`s never a chance of getting someone elses clothes back.
- We only use brand-name detergent, that`s safe for whites and colors. Whites go in warm water, colors go in cold water, so your clothes remain safe.
- We`ll neatly fold all your laundry and hang your dry cleaning on hangers with a plastic covering for protection.
- 48 hours later, we bring back your laundry with a smile.

Sign up for one of our laundry plans and you`ll automatically receive a free dry cleaning bag. Then, simply give us your dry cleaning bag along with your regular laundry bag, and we`ll bill your credit card according to our low rates.

Need more information? Read the FAQ