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Sales/Intro Letter, Please critique

 
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katt33

posts: 484

Jan 06, 2009 3:20 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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K.A.N.Y.C. Enterprises

P.O. Box 904 Peck Slip Station

New York, NY  10272-0904

212 769 7912

kanycwholesale@yahoo.com

www.kanycwholesale.com

 

Dear Madame or Sir,

 

 

K.A.N.Y.C. Enterprises was formed in June 2008 with the intention of being an umbrella for Wholesale/Retail and other ventures. The goal and commitment is to provide consumers with a fine range of products.

 

 

K.A.N.Y.C. has recently launched its’ wholesale division, which carries bath and body, as well as aromatherapy products. You will find the Classic Creations, completely natural line of hair dyes, anti-aging and anti-acne products.  Also, we carry the Artiscent line of salts, lotions and soaps, as well as the Sai and Nag Champa lines of soaps. In addition, we have aromatherapy products, such as spray colognes, aromatic oil set and incense.  In addition, we have home fragrances as well.

 

What are the benefits of buying from K.A.N.Y.C.:

 

Ø     Products are made with natural ingredients and oils

Ø     Price

Ø     Low Minimums 60 per product

Ø     Various payment methods from check to moneygram

 

K.A.N.Y.C. strives to provide the best products and service.  We look forward to making you part of the K.A.N.Y.C. family.

 

 

Thank you. We look forward to hearing from you.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

 

 

Katherine Appello

President/CEO

 

 

nevadascul

posts: 651

Jan 06, 2009 8:46 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Number 1 - Never send something Dear Madame or Sir.  Find out who does the buying for each company you want to sell to and put their name in the letter. 

Number 2 - Your opening paragraph doesn`t address my needs, only yours.

A contact letter like you are sending out, should target specific customers.  Your letter reminds me of people who send the same resume` to different types of companies.  A resume`, like a contact letter should be specific to the company you are sending it to.

nevadascul1/7/2009 12:58 PM


-------------------------

The older we get, the more excuses we make for not chasing after our dreams. But truth is, goals are attainable at any age.
EngineersCanSell

posts: 163

Jan 06, 2009 9:11 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I recommend backing up at least one step and writing down why you are writing this letter.  Who do you want to read it?  What do you want them to do after reading it?  Why should they read it?  Why are you better than what they`re currently doing?  etc.

It looks like you jumped right into the letter without thinking all the way through what you actually want.

BTW, I can`t get your Web site to come up.

katt33

posts: 484

Jan 07, 2009 3:41 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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This is just an introduction letter, to which a business card will be attached with the website (the domain may not have gone through yet) to let them know what products we offer.  Any suggestions where I can find a template to follow would be appreciated
BeanieBaby

posts: 1

Jan 08, 2009 3:11 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Make the "WIIFM" portion very clear (what`s in it for me) - go beyond the straight `benefits` to the competitive advantage these features would give a vendor.

btw - it`s = it is; its = possessive. Don`t confuse the two.
Also, in addition - too many `alsos` and `in additions`. Make points to bring out these ideas rather than long narratives. Your purpose needs to jump out in the approx. 3 seconds you have my initial attention!

Beanie Baby

MaryKay

posts: 74

Jan 14, 2009 9:56 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Hi Katherine,
 
I agree with the others that when you`re crafting your letter to potential buyers, you have to know who you`re targeting, engage your reader, and let them know how your product with benefit their bottom line.
 
When I was trying to find the right wording for an introduction letter for my product, I googled something like, "product introduction letter template", or something to that effect. Take what you can from the ideas you see, and you`ll easily formulate a letter that will work for you.  Good luck!
Jan 15, 2009 6:11 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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It`s way to impersonal as well. There is a "tone" that just doesn`t sit right with me... Maybe it`s the fact that you are trying to incorporate a "sales sheet" along with an introductory letter.

 In your line of work, you really need to send a pretty slick brochure which outlines your offerings and the benefits to your prospect. This letter, addressed to the specific buyer should be appealing enough for them to look further into your product line.
katt33

posts: 484

Jan 17, 2009 1:07 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I re-worked it and focused on the product line.  I will be finding out the names of the managers to address it to specific individuals.

K.A.N.Y.C. Enterprises

P.O. Box 904 Peck Slip Station

New York, NY  10272-0904

212 769 7912

kanycwholesale@yahoo.com

http://www.wholesalekanyc.com

 

To:  Manager/Buyer

 

From:  K.A.N.Y.C. –Wholesale Division

 

Re:  K.A.N.Y.C. Beauty –New Product Line

 

 

 

K.A.N.Y.C. Enterprises was founded in 2008 with the goal of offering the most natural  and quality products to retailers in the U.S. and Canada.  We are happy to be contacting establishments, such as yours to offer this line.

 

We have carefully selected, almost hand-picked the manufacturer and our hard work has resulted in a very attractive line. K.A.N.Y.C. is confident that you and your customers are going to love them.  We guarantee:

 

Ø    Quality 100% natural (no harmful chemicals)

Ø    Affordability

Ø    Low minimums -48 per product

Ø    Discount of 10% for all total orders of 240 or more.

 

 

Enclosed is our business card and two scents for you to sample.  You may order a range of samples, the cost of which will be deducted from your first order.  Please check out our site and place your order for a full range of samples and to order your e-catalog.

 

Sincerely,

 

 

 

Katherine Appello

Loren

posts: 242

Jan 30, 2009 10:21 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Bleah.  Go read some books on copywriting, business
letters, or just hire a writer.

Boring letter.
Loren1/30/2009 10:20 PM
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