Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

I don`t remember the prior site too well, so I`ll start from the top.  Your last bullet point on the home page doesn`t align with the text.  Your green background clashes with the tan/brown that overlays it.  I would recommend getting rid of the green. 

The site is well organized and easy to navigate. 

There`s no "Call to Action" on the home page, which is a bit too wordy.

There`s too much I ..., I ..., I...., I ... .  It`s bad form to start almost every sentence with "I".  If you have more than a few items of accomplishments, try putting them in a bullet-point table.  Just an idea....

Also, proper typography is to put two `em` spaces between sentences.  It separates them and makes the paragraph easier to read.

If I recall, one of the criticisms of your earlier site was the overemphasis of your religious faith.  I see that you have limited it to one link.  This is good.  This way people can see your faith without having to be beaten over the head with it.




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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

Call to Action is the one-line hook that you tell the viewer what to do next.  Something like: "Call me and we will talk about your project and how I will bring it to completion".

Double entendre` not intended. 

But you get the picture.


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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

Hi Susan,

I thought I`d give you my 2 cents.

1. Too wordy, about 10 times more text than you need....literally. Edit, edit, edit, remember you only have about 20 seconds to capture a visitor. The search engines will love the site with all the text, but it`s way too much to read.

2. Typically a sans serif font is easier to read, and preferred on web sites. (Serif - Sans)

3. Now, please don`t take this personally...but you are a designer, where is the pizazz? The site looks like its designed my someone without any creativity at all. Show me something artistic, creative, that captures my eye, like one of your book covers would.

2-minute review

meta tag keywords is dead: you can stop worrying about that now.

http://searchenginewatch.com/showPage.html?page=2165061

Your second set of bulleted items break onto the next line, because there is an extra DIV tag around each item.

You`re flooded with extra formatting code (a huge and problematic symptom of point-and-click editors like Microsoft and others) - these extra codes make the site harder to maintain, slower to download and quite search engine hostile (too much crud to dig through)

You focus on meta keywords, yet ignore the most important SEO tag, the TITLE on each page. `about us` - please, tell me (and the engines) a lot more!

Testimonial text is miniscule. Beyond hard to read.

OK, I`m done.

This site needs a lot of help - we have to wonder why website design is such the commodity that DIY is considered a viable option? I would not even attempt to design a book  (it`s not my expertise - I`d hire one as needed).

Susan - you work fast.  I like your Call to Action.  Now lets work on your text.  You need to avoid the passive voice. 

"Crescent Moon DTP Designs can provide you professional assistance in designing your next book, manual, newsletter or brochure. "  "Can provide" is passive.  Change it to "will provide" and it becomes active. 

Also, I would like to see slightly larger text.  Especially in the testimonials.  Any chance of more sample cover shots of your designs?



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Steve Mann
Internet Videographer
MannMade Digital Video
My Email

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