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Ok-Let me have it! Am in the homestretch or just kidding myself?

 
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vwebworld

posts: 1237

Jul 18, 2008 7:08 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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"Every season, you will receive your GreenBeans Rewards to spend!"
Not sure what that (every season) means...but it gives me the impression I have to wait some period of time to get my rewards.   That is a turn-off.  If I got to Walgreens and purchase a rebate item, I get my rebate card back in the mail in a few weeks at the latest. May other "rewards" programs give me access to my rewards immediately.
 
"Wouldn`t it be great if every time you recycled, or purchased a "Green" product, you got a little extra back?  You can with GreenBeans!"
Using a question is one way to engage the viewer... but it`s a lot to read especially the way the words/text is formated.  You might try something shorter and more direct........ "Recycle with us and get paid. Buy green products and get green in your pocket."
 
~Roland
 




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beautifulpetunia

posts: 327

Jul 18, 2008 7:32 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Ah so, wise viewers, thank you for the constructive critcism, I will spend some more time on this over the weekend. Your tips and POV`s are very helpful, it gets hard to be objective sometimes. 
 
As I am looking at other sites to better understand clear, concise messages, it occured to me: Isn`t it funny how unconsciously we digest a well written message, mostly without remark (unless that`s what you`re tuned into),  but when it`s bad you recognize right away "oh that`s crap". Geez, it`s so much easier to take a step back on someone else`s words....
 
Glad to have you folks to step back and take a look!
 
CraigL

posts: 9051

Jul 18, 2008 7:37 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Kinda like kids: When they`re ours, they`re perfect. It`s just a shame everyone else`s kids are so troublesome.
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