The novel on your home page is your attempt to tell visitors everything you want them to know. Instead, you need to focus on what they - your visitors - want to know. What makes your customers feel like they`ve spent their money well after doing business with you?
After reading your entire home page (normally I wouldn`t have read that much text, but since you`ve asked for an opinion, I felt obligated to read it ), I`ve concluded this what you`d do for me:
Within 11 weeks, you`ll see a significant cash flow increase as a result of the reduced lead time that our hands-on TOC training delivers to manufacturing companies.
What makes SBS different from traditional TOC:
- Designed for small manufacturing companies with limited time resources
- Minimal impact on management`s day-to-day responsibilities
- Hands-on implementation over 4-8 weeks
- We deliver bottom line improvements in 3 weeks
Consider consolidating your home page content into a concise headline and a few bullet points like that above. After you`ve piqued the visitor`s interest, you can offer additional information. Make sure that your additional information is still concise, however.
I don`t recall where I picked up this piece of advice (it may have been Seth Godin or perhaps Dr. Eric Schaffer from Human Factors International -- sorry gentlemen for not remembering), but I`ve rarely found myself unable to apply the rule to a client`s, as well as my own, first draft of website content:
You should be able to reduce your first draft`s word count by 50% without changing your message.
I`d venture to say that you could reduce your current home page word count by 50% and then run through again and further reduce it by another 50% without changing your message`s main points.
That`s all I have time for now. Good luck!
P.S. Here`s a nice example of a website that concisely tells the visitor what the product will do for him (or her):