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How to get your spouse`s buy-in?

 
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WebJunky

posts: 549

Jan 11, 2009 11:37 AM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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 friends,
 
just had an interesting discussion with a group of friends (all married with families). the discussion was that life in the USA is so tough and everyone is so busy and tied to their jobs live slaves that there is no time to pursue anything else.  those with families and kids are in a tougher bind because they have a family to tend to when not working. everyone needs some of their time, money and attention (resources).
 
so where does the extra time come from to pursue a venture? where does the extra money come from to invest? moreover, it takes a lot of time hard work and dedication to succeed....so with all the time devoted to the venture, how does one tell the loved ones that time can`t be spent with them? or is there a good way to balance this all out? i am usually good at giving advice and did have some ....but i really could not answer most questions.
 
unfortunately i dont think i am qualified to answer the question as i started my ventures when young (best time to start). my ventures were well established before life got tougher and more demanding in every which  way ;-)
 
so i need your help, experience, advice and suggestions...how do you get buy in from your family, kids, spouse...etc?
 


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Jmes

posts: 98

Jan 12, 2009 3:25 AM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I don`t think you can replace your family with work.. It`s not healthy and would make both you and your family miserable. I think you just have to manage your time better.. or get them to help out with the business. That way you could incorporate your business time with them

Jmes


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MiteyMite

posts: 489

Jan 12, 2009 3:42 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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There`s time for work and time for play. Set limits for work...  And when you`re with your family, BE with your family. Live in the moment, instead of thinking about work. Some balance between the two will go a long way towards keep you and your family happy and healthy.

CraigL

posts: 9051

Jan 13, 2009 2:23 AM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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I think that to answer fundamental questions like this, we have to step WAY back and examine the meaning of some of the most basic assumptions about life, family, and societies.

There`s a reason that having a Life Plan is right at the start of the Sloan brothers` 10 steps to starting a business. It`s because too many people, these days, have forgotten what life is all about, what it`s supposed to be all about.

Take a look at the way you`ve outlined the problem. It begins with a set of assumptions, and I think we have to question those assumptions. It also doesn`t address one of the most basic questions: what`s the meaning of a marriage?

Speaking very generally, a marriage can be viewed in two broad categories. The one type of marriage is two people coming together for no particular reason, but who feel strongly drawn to each other. That`s a feelings-based marriage. They shouldn`t be overly criticized because centuries of art and literature portray "love" as the essential reason for marriage.

But the other type of marriage, also with centuries of backing and wisdom, is where two people come together for a purpose. It`s a way to combine resources to reach goals. That`s a values-based marriage.

We all know about political marriages, and we know about arranged marriages. But in our oh-so-modern culture, we "feel" that they`re far from optimal. Then we don`t understand why we can`t "think" our way out of a seeming paradox.

Following the first type of marriage, it`s almost inevitable that the results will be exactly what your friends or associates have discovered. Two people working separately, each with their own life goals, neither of whom are willing to or are interested in using the marriage to any purpose.

It`s only in the latter type of marriage that the couple and family can even begin to work out a strategy for branching out into something entirely different from traditional workaday "rules."
CraigL2009-1-13 2:26:20
WebJunky

posts: 549

Jan 13, 2009 9:41 AM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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craig - i agree i am a big advocate of life plan before business plan myself. it is not as easy to convey that to someone so fast however.  a lot of it i believe must come from their within. they must be willing to open themselves to that concept since most of our society works the other way around. people plan everything around their "jobs".  in these guys` case i feel it all comes down to how much the spouse and the family agree with them and are able/willing to support them (i.e. buy into the idea).
 


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CraigL

posts: 9051

Jan 13, 2009 11:38 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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Well, the good news is that it`s not really your problem. :-) People change when the pain of the moment is greater than their inability to change or their fear of changing. The word of the day is "wait."

We`re at a time in cultural evolution where traditional "old" ways are failing everywhere. Even 20 years ago, those old methods of fixing things might work with enough money, pressure and force. Now, even that isn`t working anymore.

Those who can and will adapt will survive. Those who can`t or choose not to adapt will fail. So I don`t think it`s important or necessary to quickly convey the message to these folks. In a fairly short while, they`ll discover that they`re coming to you with desperation, knowing that all else has failed.

I only recently discovered that the phrase "survival of the fittest" did NOT come from Darwin. It was first presented by an economist, and he was speaking about the natural selection process as it applies to business and enterprise.

What we`re facing today is a difference of opinion regarding the fundamentals of life and reality. Words rarely suffice when it comes to changing the basic platform from which people understand everything around them. Mostly, it`s experience that brings about that kind of change.
Funandgames

posts: 14

Jan 20, 2009 1:43 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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WebJunky, you pose an important question. I`ve had two marriages that went sour primarily because there was more commitment to his job than to our marriage. Now the shoe is on the other foot, and I`m the one who has to balance business with time and energy spent with the spouse. It`s a challenge, but we communicate and make adjusments where necessary. My husband has been a tremendous help getting my online store off the ground, and he looks forward to using that fishing boat I`ve promised him when all of our hard work pays off!
WebJunky

posts: 549

Jan 20, 2009 8:24 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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you are a very lucky lady to have such a supporting husband. or maybe you just bribed him into it with the boat promise :-)
 
wishing you continued married success


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brianok

posts: 95

Jan 20, 2009 9:35 PM ET    Quote  Report Abuse
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This is such a great topic! I hadn`t thought about bribing my wife, but I`ll have to think about that :)

Seriously, it`s not that my wife is against my entrepreneurial passions, but she doesn`t understand them, nor does she understand why I`m not satisfied working in a job that I enjoy (mostly) and where I get paid well. So because she`s not able to relate to that, she just looks at the monetary part of it, and doesn`t want me to do anything that would jeopardize our finances. But I feel that my business is progressing very slowly because I don`t have time to devote to it. I`d like to just live on savings for a while and get things really rolling, but she`s not going to support that. So, I make progress, little by little, and once I achieve enough success that I can extrapolate what things would be like if I did it full-time, then I`ll be able to justify making the switch.

I have a little bit of time after the kids are in bed to work on my business, but I won`t sacrifice my time with them. I`ll never get these years back, and my business success is lower in priority than spending time with them. That may sound like I don`t have the Eye of the Tiger, but that`s part of my Life Plan :)



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Brian O`Keefe
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