Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

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I don`t think you can replace your family with work.. It`s not healthy and would make both you and your family miserable. I think you just have to manage your time better.. or get them to help out with the business. That way you could incorporate your business time with them

Jmes


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There`s time for work and time for play. Set limits for work...  And when you`re with your family, BE with your family. Live in the moment, instead of thinking about work. Some balance between the two will go a long way towards keep you and your family happy and healthy.

I think that to answer fundamental questions like this, we have to step WAY back and examine the meaning of some of the most basic assumptions about life, family, and societies.

There`s a reason that having a Life Plan is right at the start of the Sloan brothers` 10 steps to starting a business. It`s because too many people, these days, have forgotten what life is all about, what it`s supposed to be all about.

Take a look at the way you`ve outlined the problem. It begins with a set of assumptions, and I think we have to question those assumptions. It also doesn`t address one of the most basic questions: what`s the meaning of a marriage?

Speaking very generally, a marriage can be viewed in two broad categories. The one type of marriage is two people coming together for no particular reason, but who feel strongly drawn to each other. That`s a feelings-based marriage. They shouldn`t be overly criticized because centuries of art and literature portray "love" as the essential reason for marriage.

But the other type of marriage, also with centuries of backing and wisdom, is where two people come together for a purpose. It`s a way to combine resources to reach goals. That`s a values-based marriage.

We all know about political marriages, and we know about arranged marriages. But in our oh-so-modern culture, we "feel" that they`re far from optimal. Then we don`t understand why we can`t "think" our way out of a seeming paradox.

Following the first type of marriage, it`s almost inevitable that the results will be exactly what your friends or associates have discovered. Two people working separately, each with their own life goals, neither of whom are willing to or are interested in using the marriage to any purpose.

It`s only in the latter type of marriage that the couple and family can even begin to work out a strategy for branching out into something entirely different from traditional workaday "rules."

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Well, the good news is that it`s not really your problem. :-) People change when the pain of the moment is greater than their inability to change or their fear of changing. The word of the day is "wait."

We`re at a time in cultural evolution where traditional "old" ways are failing everywhere. Even 20 years ago, those old methods of fixing things might work with enough money, pressure and force. Now, even that isn`t working anymore.

Those who can and will adapt will survive. Those who can`t or choose not to adapt will fail. So I don`t think it`s important or necessary to quickly convey the message to these folks. In a fairly short while, they`ll discover that they`re coming to you with desperation, knowing that all else has failed.

I only recently discovered that the phrase "survival of the fittest" did NOT come from Darwin. It was first presented by an economist, and he was speaking about the natural selection process as it applies to business and enterprise.

What we`re facing today is a difference of opinion regarding the fundamentals of life and reality. Words rarely suffice when it comes to changing the basic platform from which people understand everything around them. Mostly, it`s experience that brings about that kind of change.

halleluja craig (spelling?)

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WebJunky, you pose an important question. I`ve had two marriages that went sour primarily because there was more commitment to his job than to our marriage. Now the shoe is on the other foot, and I`m the one who has to balance business with time and energy spent with the spouse. It`s a challenge, but we communicate and make adjusments where necessary. My husband has been a tremendous help getting my online store off the ground, and he looks forward to using that fishing boat I`ve promised him when all of our hard work pays off!

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This is such a great topic! I hadn`t thought about bribing my wife, but I`ll have to think about that :)

Seriously, it`s not that my wife is against my entrepreneurial passions, but she doesn`t understand them, nor does she understand why I`m not satisfied working in a job that I enjoy (mostly) and where I get paid well. So because she`s not able to relate to that, she just looks at the monetary part of it, and doesn`t want me to do anything that would jeopardize our finances. But I feel that my business is progressing very slowly because I don`t have time to devote to it. I`d like to just live on savings for a while and get things really rolling, but she`s not going to support that. So, I make progress, little by little, and once I achieve enough success that I can extrapolate what things would be like if I did it full-time, then I`ll be able to justify making the switch.

I have a little bit of time after the kids are in bed to work on my business, but I won`t sacrifice my time with them. I`ll never get these years back, and my business success is lower in priority than spending time with them. That may sound like I don`t have the Eye of the Tiger, but that`s part of my Life Plan :)



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Brian O`Keefe
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