Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

I`m posting this because over the past couple of years, I`ve had an extremely difficult time dealing with my wife`s "employee" mindset and I don`t know what else to do.

I already closed up shop with a startup after a year once because of the pressures she created, but I wasn`t making much money anyhow so I didn`t let it get to me.

However, I have had my new business since August, and she is already doing everything she can to force me to give up and "get a job."  This business has a much higher earning potential (average job around $5k and 50% profit margin), but it is just taking time to get sales moving due to boostrapping it.

I know that this can have a big payoff if I just give it a chance, but my wife`s bad attitude and willingness to give up so soon is driving me nuts.  It`s like someone constantly telling you to be a quitter.

To be fair, money is tight right now.  I am working in the wee hours of the morning delivering newspapers to make sure the bills are paid, but we don`t have money for even the slightest extras.  For me, it is worth delaying some gratification for a big payday down the road, but to her, all she can think about is short-term getting a paycheck now.

I already came very close to leaving her for this earlier this year because I just feel we will never agree on this subject.  She is just too entrenched in employee-think, and I would rather live in a cardboard box than go back to working a day-job.

Any advice?  Please?


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Sales Training www.leadersclub.com/33003 This Drink Helped Me www.mymonavie.com/justinsmith

Some people are very risk-averse. Does she know how important this is to you?

Do you mind sharing some additional details?

• Although money is tight, are the bills being covered?
  
• How long have you been married?
  
• Do you have kids?
• Does she work outside the home?
  
• Do you think her attitude would change if more money were coming in or is it a "job security" issue?
  

With winter coming up can you do an "Off-Season" promotion to generate more work now even thought the margin might be less?



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It is difficult getting family members to have the same mindset for entrepreneurship. Sometimes I would say it is impossible. I wouldn`t want to see a situation of separation just because you want to start (and become successful) a business. There are a couple ways to reason with others who are influential to your entrepreneur spirit.

First, maybe you both need to examine your "Life Plan." Learn what her concerns are in YOUR life plan. Then make her life plan yours, as well as your life plan hers. I know it is not that simple. But maybe she is fearful because you both are not on a level, which she feels safe reaching for a larger goal.

Maybe you can make her more of a contributor to the process. Give her power. Make her see your vision. If she does not want to "work" with you, make her an "executive." Bring her reports of your actions / failures / success. Ask her "executive" position about how to proceed next. What would she do differently to push profit numbers that you are not doing.

My only suggestions... as you can tell... is to focus on your life together with your wife. Are you both going in the same direction? Second, make her a part of the process. I know that if I am not involved, I am less likely to be energetic about a challenge.

I don`t know if this helps, but really... My wife holds such an important level in my life. I couldn`t imagine being without here. I couldn`t be an entrepreneur without her because she is part of the business plan. Have you seen the movie "Barbershop"? There is some hints to entrepreneurship in there. The main character fights so hard to start a new, fresh, business that he forgets all of the treasures he currently holds... hmmm. Deciding to get a job is easy. McDonald`s hires on a daily basis. Deciding to open your own business takes weeks of preplanning and may never bring profit. It`s a tough sell, no matter how you package it.


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Vincent Wilcox (a.k.a. KRAKR)
Drummer
My band: Letters Make Words

Does the wife work with you?  Maybe she could get a "real" job to pay the bills while you take care of the business.  If she is complaining and not working then you need to have a good chat.

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Travis Tschepen
Hibachi Bros. LLC

--My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.--

Thanks for the input guys.  I think the main issue is not having money for extras.  The bills are being covered with some left over, but she feels that since right now she is technically making the "most" money, she is getting a raw deal because she cant freely spend due to my business.  Typical "I want it now even though it screws me in the long-run" behavior of most Americans.

I find it funny that back in the summer when she didn`t have to work while I was managing my brother`s biz, she never once heard from me how I couldn`t have what I wanted.

We`ve been together for 3 years.  We have 2 kids.  We come from very different backgrounds.  She came from a tough background in rural Kentucky with parents that worked themselves to the bone without hardly any pay.  I came from a modest middle-class upbringing where my dad was blue collar but made a decent living and my mother stayed home.  She definitely has an EXTREME fear of not being able to put food on the table, which has never happened before.  I sense this comes from her background.

Her actions are purely emotional, which is tough to reason with.  It`s solely about money...if I was bringing in decent money, she wouldn`t say a thing.

She really has no interest in anything to do with my business.  I think it is because she is definitely on another level thinking-wise and feels I dominate with my intelligence.  I can be somewhat over-bearing, but I think she is intimidated and feels "dumb" because she doesn`t understand a thing I say when I talk about business.

I just wish there were some way I could get her to understand the importance of long-term thinking.  But despite how many analogies I give, it all comes down to her not trusting my ability, plain and simple.

I could go get another part time job to get some more cash flow, but I am already seeing my heath decline from working in the middle of the night delivering papers, so I don`t know how much more I can physically take on.  It may be my only option though.


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Sales Training www.leadersclub.com/33003 This Drink Helped Me www.mymonavie.com/justinsmith

bmwsmity,

as always, steve adds some great comments and guidance here.

i hope a path forward can be found that helps you live fully while maintaining your relationship.

how possible is it for you to take a hybrid approach (similar to your current approach) but shifted in the following way:

find a steady income position (as an employee). and stoke your entrepreneurial fire with a part-time business that you run. the idea is to create stability for a short period of time via a "job" while building momentum and taking out risk in the entrepreneurial venture. the value of this goes beyond you and your confidence level to your spouse who is also tied to your career performance.

if you can show her that you are making great strides with the project, taking out risk, even include her to some extent, you might find that "being an entrepreneur" will become less of a scary thing and more of an "of course!" thing.

might this subtle shift in approach be possible?

rich


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Rich Sloan , Co-Founder, Chief Startupologist, StartupNation

I already am working a "job", albeit a piddly one.  It does make sure all the bills are covered.

The problem here is that she wants IMMEDIATE "normalcy."  Basically, she wants "stuff" and isn`t willing to take a risk and delay gratification to get a payoff in the long run.

The main issue is childcare.  If I were to get a typical 9-5 job, I would have to get childcare.  Since I work at my house, and I work when my wife is home in the mornings delivering papers, we don`t have to pay for childcare because they are with me at home.  If I went out and got a job but had to pay for childcare, the net income after childcare expense would be the same as what I`m bringing in now really.  The only other option is going back into sales like I used to, and I just can`t be good at sales when my heart is in something else...it`s just the way I am.  Frankly, I`m not willing to sell my soul just so she can piss away our money on worthless junk that doesn`t make us any money.

She wants to piss away money....I want to make money work for us.  Plain and simple.

I`ve even considered having separate money systems for each of us because of our extreme difference in attitude toward money and business.


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Sales Training www.leadersclub.com/33003 This Drink Helped Me www.mymonavie.com/justinsmith

Are you actively working your business? When? How far are you away from profitability?

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Yes.  The problem is volume of jobs.  On my first job, I broke even.  The second job I am still waiting to get paid by the builder for (it`s been almost a month).  Between the 1st and 2nd jobs, I have already tripled what I put into the business.  ($325 into $1000).

Each job I do generates profit of 40-50%.  I have an $8,000 job coming up at the end of the month or beginning of next month (new construction).  That job will generate roughly 2 month`s worth of what she makes, and twice what I could make if I did well in a sales job that I`ve had in the past.

To me, it isn`t worth risking my business to go into a sales job where some manager can lie about how much I`ll make, only to make a pittance.  It`s happened to me too many times.  I don`t understand how she can`t get this.  (well, I do, she has zero aptitude for numbers or finance).


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Sales Training www.leadersclub.com/33003 This Drink Helped Me www.mymonavie.com/justinsmith

bmwsmity -

You seem to be extremely sure of your ability to generate income if given some time.  My question is this, how much time will it take before you are making enough that your wife would no longer consider you going back to a real job?

Determine this, then approach her with your version of the following:


Might something like this work?  Keep in mind that you will have to be realistic about your projections.  The last thing you want to do is to project on the short side and then have to go back to a real job. 

The other thing to keep in mind is that you will have to honor your side of the bargain.  But, if you are so certain about your potential then it`s a risk worth taking, right?

Any way, that`s just a thought.

As a bonus 2 cents, I agree whole heartedly with Vincent.  Leaving your wife is not going to fix things nor is going to make your life easier or better.  For better or worse, remember.  Too many things in life have lost their meaning these days.  Don`t make that one of them in your life.

R-


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Quaerite Primum Regnum

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
~ Oscar Levant ~

Twitter: @rossb