Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

I had to comment on this one. Me, being the introvert that I am, I thought twice about it. Yeah right!

You know, as a matter of fact, you can still be an introvert with an extrovert`s personality. The projection of oneself is sometimes a front to throw people off so they don`t know how shy you are. I tried explaining in college to my psychiatry instructor that I was truly an introvert. She snorted at me. It`s the same way depression comes out in different ways for folks. Some deal with depression by eating, some by funneling it all out through anger, some just stop everything.

I was a very shy child to the point that if a teacher called on me in class, I would have rather buried myself in a deep hole than answer. By high school, my personality hit a higher level due to a higher self esteem. A few years after high school, I joined the Marine Corps as an outlet to everything I knew. Little did I realize this would be a big boost in confidence levels and allow me to become more of a people person. Well, less of a people person and more of a loud person who likes for his opinions to be heard now a days.

After that first stint in the Corps, I then started assigning myself duties within my employment or in my personal life which would place me in the limelight. I`ve made speeches on behalf of local politicians trying to get their foot in on state level, led our student body as the Student Government President (when I was in college), as well as taken on roles in organizations which pushed me into a position where I had to make speeches on subjects I was passionate about.

Now, you see what lies before you. A man who has enabled a boost of self esteem and confidence from within (with some help) to graduate to a true position of authority. Ok. Not too much authority but at least I make up my own schedule day in and day out. It has led me to places I never would have dreamed of being at this point in my life. I`m 38 years old and have a successful business, a few other businesses (not as successful as the main one but sufficient) and have been crowned a leader in the ecommerce community I take a part in. So, yeah. I`m happy.

Well, enough talk about me since I`m so introverted. Great post Craig. I hope you are doing well.

Dan

Dan, long time no see. :-) I`m assuming your confidence has led you to further great heights in the realm of cooking?

Interesting, though, that the military experience was so helpful in overcoming shyness. I was in the Boy Scouts, long ago, and now I`m thinking of the many benefits that sort of organization had for me, to get me out and talking with folks.

I had the same issues of shyness in grammar school and throughout high school.  I had a speech class in 10th grade and I was uncontrollably nervous.  I used to sweat profusely and stutter, but after my third or fourth speech I began to become calm and used to talking in front of people.  I can happily say that I have no problem with public speaking now.


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So doing something you didn`t like (the speech class) and sticking with it despite feeling badly about it, that was the key to success.

I`m increasingly bothered by the number of people who define their concepts of reality by how they feel. "I feel badly about going out to meet people," they`ll say. "So it must be the universe telling me it`s the wrong way to go."

Unh-hunh....right. :-) Good for you, Layla! Growing and improving usually don`t feel all that great. It`s the long-term rewards, though, that count.

Like many commenting here, I too used to be extremely shy.  In fact, it`s still part of my personality and I am often uncomfortable in certain kinds of social situations.

But over the years and as I gain more life experience from business, relationships, etc., trepidation has waned.  I don`t think of myself as shy anymore but that doesn`t mean I don`t have my moments.

I`m still looking to step out of my comfort zones and improve upon the social skills I believe I need for greater business success.  Today, I`ll be attending my first Toastmasters meeting just to check it out if it is an avenue I want to pursue.  We`ll see how it goes.

Way t`go, Steve! Let us know what you ran into at the Toastmasters, from the perspective of someone leaning toward the introverted, rather than extroverted. :-) I think there`s a big difference between shyness and introvesion, although they appear on the surface to be the same.

Oh, I`m definitely introverted.  :)

The Toastmasters meeting I attended was a good group and the structure of the meeting made it comfortable for us newcomers, of where there were 3 of us.  It started with someone telling a joke, which wasn`t really that funny but did the job of making people laugh enough to ease tensions.  One guy gave a speech which was critiqued in a very positive manner.Then it was an open floor where people pulled topics out of a hat and had a few minutes at the podium.  Topics were easy to discuss like "Talk about a recent pleasant surprise" or "How was your Thanksgiving?"  This was on a volunteer basis.

I decided I was there to learn something and step out of my comfort zone, so I stepped up and gave a little talk on the topic of "a high school memory".  I was definitely nervous and I know it could be heard in my voice.  But that`s ok because everyone there was probably in a similar boat at one time.  The whole point of the exercise is to improve so even though my nerves were wrecked, it didn`t really matter.  People applauded.

One thing that was cool was that there was one guy who`s role it was to count "ah`s" and "um`s".  And at the end of the meeting he pointed out who did and how many.  But like I said, the criticism was all positive.  I don`t remember my ah`s but I had 7 um`s.

I`m going back next week!

LOL! I love it....counting the "ah`s and um`s." :-D

It seems to me that what`s coming out of all this discussion is basically that Practice Makes Perfect (or at least Better). Would we agree?

There doesn`t seem to be any way other than to just Do It to overcome the nervous apprehension of being in the center of attention---the spotlight. And since so much of running a business involves exactly that, being in the spotlight, it also seems like a good idea to find a way to practice.

Military experience, dance class, and school speech-making are good for our kids, to help them get this experience. But now, at this time in adult life, it looks like Toastmasters is a great idea, some sort of amateur theater group, or perhaps taking other adult classes that offer some type of "recital" performance.

What else could people go out and get into now, as adults? Singing groups, musical groups, those would put you on stage in a concert situation. Any other suggestions?

Jobs.

I have always been an extremely shy person and speaking in public terrifies me like nothing else. However, when I needed some extra cash I remembered something I read in Rich Dad, Poor Dad about taking jobs you`re not so great at to improve your skills. That helped me to get up the courage to teach English as a Second Language part-time to Spanish businessmen for six months.

I remember being scared out of my wits every day, yet guess what? I`m still terribly shy, but now I can walk into a room and talk to anyone. I may feel like a complete idiot doing it, but the important thing is that now I can.

What did I do? Before every class I would give myself a mental pep talk ("I can do this!") and practice breathing exercises in the ladies restroom. Like LisaPR, the acting angle helped me as well. Every day I would tell myself that I was just acting, and today I would play the part of the cool, confident, professional businesswoman. The first few days of class I just wanted to jump out the window, but as the months passed, it got easier and easier and I can definitely say that my social and business skills are stronger for it.

That really does seem to be the best way---the acting thing. Over and over, throughout my own years of being an entertainer, I`ve heard the same thing. "Act as if...." and as time passes, the act becomes real.

The key, though, is that while you`re working to overcome the shyness, you`re "just pretending" to be confident. It`s a mental perspective trick, but it definitely seems to work for a lot of people! :-)