Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

This came up in a conversation the other day. It`s about one of the biggest fears people have---being in front of an audience. That includes public speaking, presentations, speeches, and so on---anything where you`re the center of attention.

Now think about it: When you go to talk with a possible customer, or you want to present your company and products, you`re right there in the center of attention. If you`re a shy type of person, what do you do?

Many small business owners don`t do sales calls, don`t join groups like the Chamber of Commerce, and don`t "spread the word," simply because they don`t feel assertive enough. They`re nervous about talking with strangers, and all the rest of the symptoms.

I didn`t think about business, but just wanted to be a rich and famous rock star. Since I could play the piano, I started with bands back when I was in grade school. I went through phases, but pretty quickly overcame my stage-fright and became an entertainer.

One community member joined a local theater cabaret. It didn`t matter how talented or not anyone was, it was a way to overcome that fear of talking with strangers. It seems to have helped.

What have you done in your life to help you become more comfortable speaking with people you don`t know? Have you joined something, enrolled in something, or otherwise worked something out? Were you always a bit shy or did you always have an out-going personality?

My grade-school days are littered with the husks of dried up report cards, all saying I was disruptive, talked too much, and didn`t work very hard. And it`s all on my Permanent Record! So I didn`t have as severe a problem as others.

What are some tips to overcome this fear of speaking out in public? :-)

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Melanie Rembrandt
CEO, Rembrandt Communications®, LLC
Visit www.rembrandtwrites.com for valuable PR tips and SEO copywriting help!
Twitter: @RembrandtWrites

According to a show I saw on the Discovery channel, it turns out that shyness is indeed rooted in genetics, to an extent. Anything that you`re "born with" can likely be changed as to how you deal with it, but it is harder than things you learn.

Shyness is essentially connected to our comfort with risk. And that`s directly associated with how we handle pain, and our relationship between pain and fear. Some people have a much higher tolerance for pain, and a commensurate lesser amount of fear in their lives. As such, they tend to take more risks.

In some cases, people also learn at a body level to get a thrill from adrenaline. Same kind of thing happens with people addicted to insulin rushes. People we see, who love the thrill rides at an amusement park tend to also associate pleasure with adrenaline. Others are terrified of the roller coaster, for example.

It comes down to self-knowledge, and understanding how much of your feelings are created by your biochemistry. If you "feel badly," or "feel afraid," that isn`t the universe telling you that you`re doing the wrong thing! It`s a chemical process that may or may not be correct---true. But you can choose how you`ll deal with that bad feeling.

I also knew a corporate lawyer who wanted to improve her standing in the firm. She enrolled in a course on stand-up comedy, and said it was one of the strangest things she`d ever done. She had a fabulous sense of humor, but was very shy and nervous when talking to groups.

As the saying goes, "you can`t do much about what happens to you, but you definitely can do something about how you`ll respond." Just so, if you know that you`re more shy than you`d like to be, you can take the bull by the horns and do something about it. :-)

Who knows....maybe you`ll end up rich and famous!

I remember the first time someone told me that no matter who was in the audience, everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time. I think we were playing a resort and there were a lot of expensive executive type people. I got to imagining that, and before I knew it, I was talking with folks in the audience and realizing that, by gosh, they`re just regular people.

There`s definitely a difference between facing a numbskull and feeling nervous, versus just being plain afraid to talk with a group of strangers at all. So far, it sounds as if some acting or dancing classes are more fun than taking a speech class. :-)

The fear of rejection is probably as big a fear as public speaking. When they both come together in a sales presentation....Oy! I don`t suppose recommending high-quality pharmaceuticals would be the acceptable solution...right?

People always assume that since I`m so outgoing I couldn`t possibly be shy.  However, the truth of the matter is that I`d much rather be one of the people standing on the sidelines watching everything else going on.

I do come from a family of very outgoing individuals - and have always been aware of the benefits of public speaking.  Both of my parents have always been public speakers and dealt very well with the media. My sister is a powerhouse at public speaking - and being comfortable in social situations.  A friend once met her and commented, "Boy, that woman can suck the air out of a room." 

I began taking public speaking classes back in high school, and in college always put myself in public speaking situations (testifying before the state legislature, serving in the student senate, being Interfraternity Rush Chairman, etc.)  and, while basically still shy, I`m now very comfortable speaking in front of groups of hundreds at major conferences and universities.  In most cases, when I`m on stage, I can`t even see the audience - so there`s nothing to really be nervous about.

Many individuals I know have benefited from attending groups such as the Toastmasters in getting over their shyness and being uncomfortable in social/public situations.  One incredibly shy friend shocked many mutual friends by inviting us to attend a public performance of his improv comedy troupe one evening.  None of us had ever seen him be so outgoing - and funny!

While high-quality pharmaceuticals may not be the answer, one person I know who now makes his living as a public speaker did give me a tip once - have a small glass of wine before making a major presentation (and keep breath mints handy!)  He had taking a public speaking course in which the instructor taped their presentations.  The instructor then took the students to a nearby bar for one drink.  They all returned to the class and again taped the presentations.  The result was dramatic.  With the nervous edge taken away some of the shiest students gave incredible presentations.

I still may be somewhat shy these days, and still actually prefer sitting in the audience to being on stage, but preaching what I practice is what markets and promotes my business efforts and books.

- J.



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Jeff Fisher | Jeff Fisher LogoMotives | Tweet! Tweet!

This is so important to learn---the idea that people don`t see you or your product as the end-all goal of life. Whatever we`re doing, we tend to get so wrapped up in it that we believe it`s the center of existence. Then we forget how few others see things the same way.

Rejection is often about the most mundane things. It definitely pays to learn that lesson and come to terms with the idea. You put your product out there, people either buy it or not, but it`s usually nothing to do with you.

On the other hand, there are times when it really is personal or related to poor skills. The trick is to be able to perceive what`s going on.