Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

In my speaking engagements lately, I’ve been talking to people about
how to separate emotion from their finances entirely, and especially how
to let go of the negative emotions - shame, fear, anxiety, blame and
stress - that often come with debt.

To let go of all emotion tied to money, I recommend looking at how we as
people, or any individual, is attaching identity to their finance. We all
know what this looks like. The notion that having a lot of money, making
a lot of money, driving a nice car, wearing nice clothes, etc., somehow -
in our own perception and (we hope) other’s perception - we are a
“better” person because of our financial success.

Conversely, so many people believe that financial downturns (we even call
them “failures”) make us “lesser” people if we have identity attached to
our finances. How many people really internalize an emotional feeling of
being “good” in association with a high credit score, and fear that we are
“bad” if we have a low credit score?

What all this means is that a financial downturn, as so many people
around the world are experiencing right now, doesn’t only mean the
actual facts of less money, but also attacks our identity making us feel
“lesser,” which in turn causes the pain, fear, stress and anxiety.

What most people are really looking for when they want to find a way out
of their financial troubles is a way out of the pain and fear than comes
with their financial troubles.

The power to do away with the negative emotions lies within each one of
us as a core, personal power that has nothing to do with the income our
outflow of money.

It has to do with letting go of the identity that we associate with money. If
one can recognize that having more money or making more money (while
great) doesn’t make you a “better” person, then conversely having or
making less money doesn’t make you a “lessor” person.

With that realization, it is easy to let go of the shame debt, because there
is no shame, the debt has nothing to do with your identity. It becomes
easier to share our financial situation with those who could help us,
spouses, family, friends, professionals, because we do not fear that we
will “look bad” in their eyes for having financial concerns, because the
financial concerns don’t say anything real about us as people.

I like to say that “you are not your money, and your money is not you.”
Money comes and goes, like everything, the wave patterns of the
universe, but if your core beliefs - especially about yourself - are not tied
to the wave patterns of your income, then up or down, there is no identity
crises.

Kenny Golde is the author of "The Do-It-Yourself Bailout: How I reduced
my credit card debt from $212,000 to $30,000 in six months."
www.SettleYourCreditCards.com

Alright, so we let go of our stereotypical identity related to money. What do we replace it with? What identity should we then use? And how do we build up that identity?

Creating a personal identity takes years of life and experience. One of the greatest achievement a toddler undergoes is forming that first identity, separating from the parents and family.

Throughout childhood and adolescence, we`re constantly forming identities that fail. Parts of them succeed, and we try everything to hang onto those parts.

Along comes adulthood and you`re suggesting we should casually get rid of a core component of our identity. That`s all well and good, but how exactly does that happen? :-) Just "think it away?"

Psychotherapy takes years and years, and there`s that old joke: "How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"One, but the bulb really has to want to change."

So too, people don`t just casually form and collapse egos. Most people don`t even have access to their subconscious thinking, which makes up a major part of identity. Then there are the millions of experiences that went into forming one`s identity.

What most people are looking for when they experience the gut-wrenching loss of their money and material possessions is a way to survive! And that doesn`t mean only psychological survival. It means real-world survival.

Money is the modern world`s fundamental medium of exchange. We can`t just go out and hunt for food. Nor can we casually chop down trees and build a log cabin in the woods. ALL of that has gone away as people create increasingly complex civilization and societies.

Most people are just fine with their identity. It`s the lack of money, and the imminent prospect of living on the streets that causes the pain and terror. If they already have a shaky identity, the pain and terror only become magnified.