Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

I think you should probably explain what 'Shimmery dresses' are in the first place. I have no idea what they are or what they look like other than some type of dress. 

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My Concern with this pitch is you started out by saying trends change....then went on to say you are focused on the latest trend - This says to me (as a potential investor) - my investment will be valuable during the shimmer trend - after that, my cash is at risk.

Would suggest you take it up a level such as..."We are focused on delivering the latest trends to X, for Y to Z". "Our business will always deliver the latest and therefore we are always gaining the benefit of providing the products which are in the hottest demand.etc."

See the diference?

Any questions let me know.

Andrew

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Andrew PS - Here's a free report on creating your startup success. Free report