First let me say that your product looks great. I believe you could be very successful with this venture and I wish you the best of luck. However, I don`t feel your executive summary does you or your product justice.
This executive summary is not worded well. It doesn`t read easily. There is nothing drawing the reader in.
The executive summary is a synopsis of the entire business plan. It is critical that this summary be carefully crafted and compelling. When I read this executive summary I perceive the writer`s apprehension. It is not compelling. It is as if the writer isn`t confident of the product themselves. Towards the end it appears that you are relying more on the impact of DRTV than the quality of your product.
There are many run on sentences and other grammatical errors. It isn`t sufficiently polished or professional to bring in the level of capital you are looking for - $300,000.00.
You need to talk about your market and the demand for these products by citing some resources as I have pasted below. You should not site the success of the informercial marketing as the reason your product will sell. Your last three paragraphs focus on informercials or DRTV more than on your product. Your last paragraph about "one in ten products not making it past the testing phase" should not be there at all. I think that most investors are knowledgeable about the impact of DRTV marketing. You could use that space more effectively to promote your product and build confidence in the potential investor.
You need to demonstrate to your potential investor that there is a demand and a market for your product. It is very effective if you can show that your market is increasing thereby forecasting increasing sales and success for your business. If you have done the market research use it to sell your business idea.
Here is an example:
Skin care and cosmetics, naturally! The global market for natural cosmetics is forecast to grow 9% annually through 2008, when it will reach $5.8 billion. To meet growing demands for effective naturals, companies are peeking in at all points of the globe to source ingredients.(GLOBAL report: natural products)(Industry overview). Nancy Jeffries.
Global Cosmetic Industry 174.10 (Oct 2006): p31(4). From InfoTrac Small Business Collection.
After reading your executive summary I found this during a quick 5 minute search of my local business research library`s Thomson Gale data base and there were many, many more research articles referring to the cosmetic industry. Citing just a few statistics can help to reassure your investor of the predictability of your success.
I wish you the best of luck Katherine and I hope my response may be of some help to you. I will be watching for your informercial! Very exciting. It sounds like you have put a great deal of work into developing your products and I hope you realize your dreams.
I think I know what it is. The firm wrote it specifically to send to their investor database that knows them inside out and so they didn`t really get into details. Here is the re-write, what do you think? I will add in about the industry.
Ayurveda, the science of longevity used in India for thousands of years, aims at promoting the concept of positive health, natural beauty and long life. These ayurvedic ingredients have been formulated into an array of herbal products and utilized in the development of ancient beauty enhancing beauty cosmetics for cosmetics, hair care and henna products. What you will not find is toxins that most other products, even those classified as organic use that in lab studies have been shown to cause long term damage to organs, and the nervous system. To create a consumer culture that is centered around Ayurvedic and 90-98% organic living is the main goal, while building a global retail/wholesale enterprise.
The Ayurveda Dreams brand, which will be patented for Caterina Fashions & Beauty Incorporated by Classic Creations of
Katherine Appello, founder, is dedicated to bringing the Ayurveda Dreams line to its fullest potential. Ms. Appello will introduce Ayurveda Dreams to the public via a 30 minute DRTV infomercial. The reason being that television is the most powerful medium in the history of communications. With incredible potential to reach millions of viewers, direct response TV can take new products… directly into the consumer’s home working closely with Infoworx and taking advantage of their turnkey package that handles every aspect of fulfillment. From this we will build to add new ayurveda products, 90%-98% organic fashion and beauty, including our own line. In addition, we can create our own franchise, purchase a never before in the
In addition to Infoworx, Ms. Appello will hire an operations manager. She has also chosen who will be her assistant and bookkeeper, as well as outside consultants to ensure smooth running of the firm. She is happy to work very closely with the investor group to benefit from their wisdom and experience.
Revenue would come from product and services sales initially, then franchises, and finally taking the company on the stock market. What Ms. Appello asks for is $175,000 for the turnkey package and $375,000 for six months operating expenses. Valuation is $8.9 million the first year from the infomercial and shopping channel alone and Ms. Appello is offering equity/ownership percentage, never to surpass that of Ms. Appello as Chairman/President/CEO.