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This is a long post, but I`m going thru a lot right now and the only thing I can think to do is lay it all out there and see what comes back. So here goes.

I have always had good organizational skills, creativity, ambition and the desire to run my own business. I thought it would be something involving entertainment early on, because of my interest there. However later, I made what I thought was a smart decision to try my hand at the building industry since I had a friend with skills in various trades, that also needed my help financially. I figured I would get back into the entertainment industry once I was successful at this. At the time it seemed more stable, and provided more to fall back on in the event things didn`t work out. In retrospect all of that may have been just a way to not go at it alone.

During the last 15 years or so, I have worked a job to support both of us while we tried various businesses such as woodworking/custom cabinet making, remodeling, and new home construction. My primary role in these businessess was been the organizational side and finance, but I did hands on work as well. My friend is the primary person in charge of the actual building or construction of our products. We have tried to the official and unofficial versions of business, meaning with business cards, insurance etc, and without. Off and on, we have had some good opportunities along the way, but like many small business start ups, we lacked enough funds to make a real go of it on some occasions, other times we just couldn`t complete the jobs in enough time to make any money with such a small crew and low rates. Being in a small town, you can`t charge a lot of money for some things and there is always someone around to do it cheap. Some of our problems came from a lack of knowledge about what it would actually take to complete a task. The ability was there but...anyway, you live, you try, you learn. I can estimate a lot better now that`s for sure.

Fast forward to the last few years. We decided to skip the small stuff and go for the whole product a few years back and get into new home construction. Mainly spec building, but looking for opportunities to build for others as well. The market in our area seemed as though it would support it especially since we were just going to build a couple of houses or so per year. I made enough at work to finance the first venture out of pocket even though I was taking additional risk by delaying my tax payments and using some credit accounts for some financing but here was my plan.

My friend had some family land. Phase 1 of the plan was to build a house on his property out of pocket. He would do the majority of the construction and we would hire a few guys to help when needed for cheap labor rates. Once completed, we could borrow money against the house to: A-payback money I owe in taxes and credit cards, B- help to finance the next project. Now, speaking of the next project. I purchased 2 lots across town from a guy I know for a good price. Phase 2 of the plan was to build homes on each of the 2 lots purchased and sell them. I obtained construction loans for each of the 2 houses to help finance the costs, combined with the money from the equity loan, we should have enough money to cover costs. What about the cost of the equity loan you ask? Well my partner was to pay that note since he and his family would live in the house, and with the construction loan and the combined equity money, we finally have enough money to pay him a decent salary. I would make my money on the back end. I had insurance, licenses, and even a couple of prospective buyers lined up.

Now comes the problems. The first problem is that it was time to start construction on the 2 new homes but we began having problems finishing his house. We are about 80% complete now. Of course no money can be borrowed against it until it is done. The second problem is that the deadline to complete the 2 homes across town is October of this year and it is now July. The third problem is that without the money from the equity loan, I don`t have enough to finish either house based on the amount the banks would loan me. The fourth problem is that I have run out of time and the money I owe in taxes and other bills is due. And the 5th problem is that my job situation has changed I can`t afford to pay the money that is due or pay for the rest of the construction costs to complete the first house.

So here I am, phone ringing with bill collectors on the other end, hoping I can find a job soon and that maybe the government will let me make payments on the money I owe and not throw me in jail. Construction insurance policies cancelled because I couldn`t make payments. Somewhat debating whether to take the last $5000 I have and ration it out on my familys mortgage and another bill or two, or combine it with some of my own sweat to try and finish the house even though it still would leave me short by $4000 according to my calculations. Sometimes I`m mad at my friend for not doing everything he could to help out and keep me from going under. Then I realize that is just pointing the finger at someone instead of taking responsibility for my own decisions which is what a leader has to do.

I`m losing everything. All the time I went with bad credit after the early endeavors, to finally get back in good shape, to see it go down again. I`m trying to hold it together but, I just don`t know...I took all these risks, and not even for a big payday, this was just to get off the ground. I was more than willing to wait for my time to get paid. Breaking even and paying my debts would have greatly satisfied me. But instead it looks like all I will get to walk away with is debt. I sacrificed everything, money, time with my family, worked 80hrs a week for who knows how long at a job I`m sick of. Supported my family, his family, guys who helped out. I thought when I finally came home from working on the road I would be able to justify being gone so long to my family, and even though they`re just happy for me to be home, I`m just trying not to lose it, because I feel like such a failure. To top it off, I haven`t been able to find a job (a job that I`m sick of) and I need two of them to try and make ends meet. The only good thing is that whenever the house gets finished, I`ll be able to get some money to go towards this mountain I created. Even though by then it`ll be too late.  

Well thanks in advance for reading/listening/commenting/advising.

 

It sounds like you`ve taken on too much and it`s all catching up with you.  Can you lighten your load?  What about selling one or both of the second properties that you purchased?  It may not be advancing your construction biz but it may be what you need to hang on to it and revive it.

<sigh> Been there, done that, and got a box of T-shirts. Anyone need an "I Failed!" tee-shirt? Got `em cheap....

Listen, you`re not alone, you`re not the only one, and so what if you failed? It happens.

I grew up in an upper middle-class world, filled with international businessmen. Wives didn`t work, and it was the rare woman who was succesful, back then, in the higher echelons of corporate business. Yes, it changed, but not all that quickly.

I saw the world from a success perspective, and, like many of my generation back in the 60s, thought it was so easy. We had no problems, we kids, and so we could afford to be cavalier and jaded about "the poor people." We`d have to wait a day to get new jeans, and that was a crisis.

Again, like many of my generation, I left all that behind. I went as far as I could from home, and was going to make it on my own. Fortunately, I stuck with the music industry, so was VERY quickly disillusioned! I discovered what life is like for people who have everyday problems, no money, and high-risk financial situations.

Even so, it didn`t happen to me! I was doing okay. Not rich, but okay. Life went along, I invested time or a little money in various things, and they`d work or not. Then one day, it all came crashing down.

Since then, I`ve learned about life in the "other world," the one where people live day-to-day, can`t catch a break, have zero connections, often not much education, and live surrounded by hopelessness. I`ve seen the mental and emotional grindstone that wears away at people, day by day, until there`s nothing left but an empty shell of dust.

And y`know what? It`s not any different from the empty shell of narcissism, alcoholism, and drug addiction that so often takes place at the high end of the spectrum.

So what`s there to hold on to? How do people survive this?

Trite or not, arguable or not, there`s 1 question only that produces a real set of answers, dynamics, and actionable plans: Is there an organization to the universe or is there not?

That`s it. You can only answer the question three ways: 1) Yes, 2) No, 3) I don`t know. If you go with answer #3, you`ll likely sink below the waves and that`s the end of it.

To proceed from where you are, you have to decide which of the other two answers you want to subscribe to. They can`t be proved, can`t be analyzed, can`t be "partly" believed, and they aren`t the same as "faith."

I`m not talking about whether or not this organization is from a mind, from God, from spirit, from any sort of conscious entity. I`m saying that there is or isn`t some sort of organization to Existence. If yes, then there`s meaning. If no, there`s no meaning at all.

Without meaning, there can be no hope.

Jcrew2,
Seems like you put all your eggs in one basket. After reading your post, I can somehow relate to you. I think, one of your biggest problem was not "PLANNING", no one plans to fail, "people fail because they don`t plan", with projects of that size, did it ever occur to you to use some sord of project management tool like Microsoft Project? that helps you budget and details all the tasks for you?
Secondly, I think you`ve just been to helpful to other people[your friend] and not getting anything in return.
For the sake of your family and yours, with the last 5,000 pay your taxes, the rest will all fall into place.


-------------------------

Edgar Monroy
Web Developer / Owner / Consultant
When starting your own business the need to "know-how" is greater than money!
http://www.nuevolution.net

Hi JCrew2,

First thing, you haven`t failed. You`ve learned alot about business and life. Use what you have learned and  keep going. Even if you get thrown in jail (which won`t happen) look at it this way - you`ll get a free meal and a place to sleep! Ha.

Second, you still have hope. If you didn`t, you wouldn`t be here asking for help. That is a good thing. You have motivation to make your life better by trying these new ventures, home building etc. That is more than other people have.

I recommend that you build up your confidence by looking at everything you did in a postive way. Don`t ever focus on the negative aspect of it, because it will drag you down in an endless spiral. You need to build up your confidence and hope so you can move forward and get things finished.

Once you have your confidence back, you can start looking for creative solutions. There is always someone who has money to lend. The people with money are looking to make more money. Find someone with money, even someone out of town, who will give you the cash you need to get these projects finished, in exchange for a loan or an ownership share in a house, to be paid back when it sells. Use the pressure you feel from the loan to give an enthusiatic pep talk to your partner to get the projects finished.

If you burn through the last $5k to pay your mortgage and bills etc. Then what? Then you will have NO money to invest in anything to get yourself back above ground.

Use this crisis as a super strong motivator to take action and do whatever you need to do to get these projects done.

Donald Trump was in way worse shape than you, as well as many other non-famous people. You can do it, just like everyone else did it. Don`t give up !

I relate a lot of business problems to motorcycle riding. See there`s two types of street riders, those that haven`t gone down, and those that have. The ones that have gone down are always better riders because of it. The same thing applies to business owners, not that any of us WANT to fail, but it happens, motorcyclists dont WANT to fall but it happens. Sure you can take precautions, play the safe line, etc. But at some point your going to have to stick your neck out and just try. So my words of advice, as bad of a situation your in now, you`ll be stronger and wiser in the future. Keep going because giving up is not the answer, I look at you as a winner, because your out trying and not giving up.

First I want to say thanks again to everyone for responding. As an entre-poor-nuer of many years, I know many of the things you guys said. But I still needed to hear them from some other people just to try and pick myself up. You know the drill, I`m feeling low right now...way low. Confused about decisions I made and those I need to make right now.

I`m going to try and address some of the comments/concepts mentioned and by all means keep the feedback going. It`s the one thing I`m looking forward to right now. Everything helps.

CampSteve and Steve W.

I can sell the other 2 lots that I own, but not until I close out the bank loans that are now associated with them. I`ve been delaying my decision to do that until the last minute, hoping that I might get the first one done, get the equity money and still be able to salvage the plan. That`s why I`m considering using the last 5 grand to try and finish. Actually 4 grand, set aside 1000 for next months mortgage, and since I can`t find a job anyway, roll up my sleeves, put on my boots and start painiting.

I haven`t asked, this time at least, but I wouldn`t expect to be able to borrow funds from family and friends based on their "work a job, don`t spend your money attitude". Plus I  know they will continue to think I`m crazy for this latest effort. To be honest, I feel too embarassed to ask anyone for money because it all sounds so foolish. To go into this much debt, take this much risk, especially tax debt. I know that`s the life we lead as entreprenuers, one of high risk, high debt, but that`s why many of us go it alone. It`s hard enough to step out onto that limb, who needs ridicule and "warnings" when you already know you`re taking a chance.We just believe we can do it. Others just aren`t cut from the same cloth as us. But when it doesn`t go right, it ain`t just the grass that looks greener on the other side, it`s the cloth too. 

I don`t know who else to ask for money. Especially with low to no profit margin to start. I considered "Prosper", the peer to peer lending network.  But I`m not sure about putting my social and other information out there like that. Anyone ever used them? Any other ideas? Banks are out at this point for sure, credit standing is on the decline plus they don`t give construction loans on homes that are more than 60% complete.

Nuevolution:

I did plan, and I even used some Microsoft products like Office and Excel. However, it seems to me that a part of venturing into this world of entrepoorneurism involves constantly doing things that don`t fit into or weren`t part of  "the plan" or don`t meet "the schedule". I say this because, when you think about "planning",  you think of things that add up in the traditional sense. Like you said, no one plans to fail. But in this thing we do, a lot of times you choose to do things in ways that are abstract and unconventional. Hence, you may easily not hit your target calendar date, yet you may still be following the path according to your plan, therefore it still seems to be working or still have a chance to work. You have to constantly improvise, keep trying, don`t give up...you know all the stuff that we`ve said here.

Steve W. and Tikki50:

I know that I should look at the positives of my efforts, but thats difficult to see with all the negatives surrounding me. "At least I tried" just isn`t too much of a motivator right now. I do have tools and equipment I purchased that can be used if I start to subcontract, but that`s like starting another business, and one thing I`ve learned is that it takes two things to start a business,  time and money. Right now I don`t have either.

Craig L.

Thanks for your post. I was actually looking forward to it after reading some of your others, but I`ve got to say...you lost me on this one. The universe? The closest I could come to understanding what you meant is that you are saying...care or don`t care, choose one. Help me out here. I did get the part about people being much worse off than me though. I work in a hospital, and I have learned to count my blessings, because I know that my problems are nothing in comparison to some.

Thanks again everyone. Keep em coming.

   

>> I know that I should look at the positives of my efforts, but thats difficult to see with all the negatives surrounding me.

That is exactly why you need to focus on the postives, because you are so negative right now. Where else can you go with that attitude but further negative? And since you are here asking for help, you WANT to get happier. So force yourself to do it. Have a crisis, it forces you to stop thinking whatever you are thinking about (worry, panic, pity, etc) and forces you to figure out how you are going to survive.

See you need to force yourself to think positive, and then you will realize that in thiking positive you will find solutions. You will ask family members for money, even if you think they will say no, you will ask because you have hope. You will find other business people to give you money, because they understand what it is like, and they will be willing to help if you make it worth their while. If you don`t pay back the money with interest, they get part of the house. How is that for motiviation?

It`s time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. don`t waste your time replying until you have figured out what to do next. go give a pep talk to yourself, go give a pep talk to your partner, and go talk to 5 successful business people who can loan you money! don`t make an excuse, just go do it

Understand that I`m a philosopher, looking at the logic of situations. Yes, I have some experience in psychology, and did a lot in business, but my overall interest is in the logic and process analysis.

When I say "the universe" it`s a simpler expression than "existence," or "reality," in general terms. It means everything happening in and around you, whether or not you perceive it or comprehend it.

You exist, but you must exist *somewhere.* To basically reference that somewhere, you can use whatever word you want...I chose "universe."

No, it isn`t about whether or not you care. It`s about whether or not existence has an objective meaning or no meaning at all.

To be a bit more formal; we`re at a time in history where we`re coming into the endgame of 300 years of philosophy, and a fundamental conflict between existentialism and idealism. How many people understand those references or terms? Not many.

But what it means to you, personally, is that you`ve grown up in a culture where lack of any meaning so permeates everything that you don`t even know you`ve been affected.

Life is a choice. It isn`t an absolute, it isn`t instinctive, and it isn`t necessary. But *very few* people a) are forced to consciously choose to live, and b) are tested on that choice prior to their reaching the end of a lifespan. In other words, most people just mosey along in life, "assuming" they want to be alive. But they`re never really tested on that assumption.

Some people, mostly because they have a daring adventure in mind, go out and try to accomplish something creative. In many instances, that`s when they run up against reality...existence...the universe...whatever. And at that point, if things fall apart, they have to choose: Live.....or Die.

The next question has to do with "how come I have to choose?"

And that`s where your philosophy becomes a required body of knowledge. You have one or you don`t. Most people have a sort of sense of things, but have never really "worried about" deep important things that don`t mean much to them.

So again: The problem for you is to decide whether or not what`s happening around you and to you has any kind of organization, in any way, comprehensible or not (to you).....or is it all random.

A philosophy is a way to organize your self and your knowledge. There isn`t a single way to do it, just as there isn`t a single way to organize your office. But you surely understand the difference between SOME kind of organization, and no organization at all, right?

And so, with many philosophies, it`s entirely up to you which one you want to "believe in." You choose one, and hopefully it`ll provide answers about life and reality. If it doesn`t, choose a different one.

But what`s the worst situation, is to arrive at a point where real things are causing real damage to you, and you have no idea at all why that`s happening. Then, making it "the worst" is to believe that everything around you is meaningless, pointless, and can`t ever have any meaning at all.

And yet a huge number of people see reality exactly that way. Are you one of them?

Consider the whole question of "why." If there`s no meaning to anything, then the word/concept itself is meaningless. In which case, you can`t even ask "why."

Then think about "what do I do?" How can you plan anything if there`s no organization or meaning to anything? You make a plan, and for zero reason at all, it fails or succeeds, randomly. Is that how you want to see things?

People can approach a problem such as yours with specific information about what to do right now. That`s good, and with so many community members you can get some help there. I`m not all that interested in specific problems. Instead, I`m interested in the "patterns" (I believe in an organized universe that can have patterns) that join together related problems.

Right now you`re in trouble. The "logical" thing is to try to figure out how to get out of trouble. What I`m asking you is if you believe that "the place" where you are---in which you exist---even *allows* for planning?

ALL else derives from that single, consciously stated affirmation. You must first decide, "Can I ever plan anything?" And to do that, you have to first consciously choose to believe whether or not All of Existence has some kind of meaning (not purpose, but organizational pattern) or not.

You may "feel" that such a question is too big, to wide, not specific enough, too vague, not on topic, or unrelated. That`s fine. I`m only suggesting that for you to begin to understand what to do next will require that you "assume" that you CAN do something that will in some way affect your situation---is it even possible.

Existentialism and its New Age offshoots propose that nothing has any meaning unto itself. All that exists (never explained) is a soup of nothingness. Only your personal mind "imposes" meaning on whatever that nothingness is. That gives you *total* control over all of reality, everyone in it, and all that takes place.

In that case, there`s nothing anyone can do to help you, since it`s all your fault. Would you prefer to believe that?

I think things just work out.

I swear every time I have felt like I am failing in this first year of business ... something comes along to change that for me. And yes, the hour is getting closer and closer, so you need to get out there and get this thing FINISHED.

I have the same problem sometimes too ... too many things dragging on for way longer than I wanted. You don`t need a fancy software program. You just need to buckle down and get dirty ... just get through one step at a time. And FINISH THIS!

On a side note, my dad was in the money pit with his house too ... he`s in construction too. The funny thing is that the appraiser from the bank really didn`t look at it that hard. So really he just had to make things look like they were in working order, even if it was just a farce. Consider that ... it might get you through. Call some local construction guys and real estate people, ask them what appraisers look for and what would be good enough to get the loan. Then go back and fix the stuff for real.

Did I mention FINISHING?

Go Start It Up!

Failure is merely a frame of mind. I have walked out out of many businesses and positions. I consider them learning experiences.

Just be sure that you CAN finish this, or collect your losses and don`t try. Realize the difference! Will more money instantly solve the problem or just keep you afloat for a while? While you are figuring out where the money is going to come from, figure out how you are going to use this next influx differently to get this done.

And yes, investors are everywhere. Many people are looking for an investment that will pay ... work on your elevator pitch!