Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

To be successful in business you  must be a leader.  Being a leader brings with it responsibilities.  As a business owner you make yourself accountable.  Depending on your field, you may only be accountable to yourself.  More often than not you are accountable to regulatory agencies, your customers, your suppliers, and so on. You as the owner of your buisiness have accepted these responsibilities.  They are yours and only yours....

yeh, I could see how most of us can feel alone from time to time.  I am very lucky to have a great spouse and two girls, and although they do not understand or express any interest in many of my projects, they are there.  Sometimes it is just to listen to my excitement and sometimes it is to listen to my frustration.

Every entrepreneur needs a support system of some sort.  Some find it on the internet in these forums, some have family and friends, some have experienced mentors.  I bet most are like me and take a little from all categroies.

So Lonely?, yes at times it can be.

Alone?   Definitely not...not literally anyway.

This is a great subject and you make some very real points. I am a sole alone entrereneur. I`ve had partners for the only reason of not feeling alone. Only to find that none of them had the wrok etic, passion or same goals as me. I ended up always in bad situations later on of having to force them out or ugly business divorces.

Now I am on my own with the beginning of a great new company. I work form home and I have to get out each and every day.

I go to the post office and stop at Starbucks every day at the same time. it seems the same people are there everyday, they are my friends my "social contact". At the gym for lunch hour again, the same people everyday they are my work out partners.

I have friends in other businesses that I call on a regular basis at least one every day. I bounce ideas and they do the same. I have friends in other states who do the same as I do so I can safely discuss what works and what does not without concern for them competing against me.

I find it absolutley necessary to not "feel" all alone. That just brings on a world of self doubt and negaitive thoughts. I have to keep positive and very busy even if there is no business to be done that day.

Thank you

PS This website is part of my daily schedule...I must constantly fill my thoughts with positive encourage fruitful thoughts and there is nowher better than right here.

CraigL; Thank you for starting this subject, and for mentioning me in bringing up the idea in my `What I Learned in 2006` post.

My idea here was not to whine about being alone or lonely, but to state the simple fact that being visionary, breakout, and innovative is thrilling and lonely at the very same time. I can see how Edison, Einstein, Bell, or others, while surrounded by brilliant colleagues, ultimately stood between the present problem and the breakthrough solution. When everyone else has gone home, a true entrepreneur continues to think about the business all the time. That doesn`t mean we should be workaholics; that`s a definate road to burnout. But even at Starbucks, or an art museum, or wherever, the things around us are constantly reminding us of how to do what we do better.

I think about that song, "In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning", especially at 3am a few nights ago. My web design firm had emailed me the creative brief late, and I had to get it back to them ahead of a 2pm meeting. So it was just me and my computer in my study, with the house as quiet as it has ever been. But you know what? Genius came out of that time, and strategy, and direction, and energy.

No, there is definately a difference between being alone and lonely. But it is still a tough road as an entrepreneur. This is my third venture, and I will not give up equity or offer partnerships to anyone - ever. I`ve been down that road before, and while this may sound cocky, I never met anyone as driven and brilliant about my dreams as I am. I guess by definition I`m the only one who could be, anyway. After all, they are my dreams, not someone else`s.

In short order, I`ll have employees, or at least contractors, and growth will be a different set of challenges. But living with passion, leaping before the net occurs, and creating a life worth living is not something one gets from corporate America. It is in those wee small hours that sparks occur, and I wouldn`t be anywhere else.

Jeff

P.S. I know I have been more than a little pissy with some of my posts, and I apologize to everyone for that. Email communication is difficult anyway, but this community is important. Thank you for letting me be a part of it.

Jeff,

As far as I`m concerned. ain`t nothing wrong with being a little "pissy" ... indicates "fire in the belly." You`ll never PO me, I guarantee it ... let it flow ... as long as we are respectful, some good pro and con debates are the best communications there are, IMHO.

Glad you`re here!

R@

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Richard Arnold · Key Concept Writers · Business Communication: The "Key" To Success· Law of Attraction Blog · Life Ain`t Brain Surgery Blog

 Strength is in numbers, even though some of us are an army of one, we still can recruit advisors, use networking, and forums such as this one. So if one considers themself " alone " then they just may be. But that is their choice. We are here to encourage, assist and support each other. For the most part I have found SuN to be just the right environment to get some feedback from a wide range of resources = YOU!!! and thanks to all.

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CCLDESIGN

BrandAlchemy, I do get the difference between being alone and lonely. It`s been done up in a cliche, even, of "feeling alone in a crowd." I wasn`t highlighting your own specific experience, but when I read your post, it shined a light on the concept.

Even if the aspect of it I wanted to bring out isn`t personally a down-side, there`s a mixed interpretation of the terms "alone" and "lonely." And so, here on the topic we do indeed have two variations of the theme. I wonder why some people don`t get the emotional satisfaction of "doing their own thing," to a degree that it cancels out that feeling of being lonely.

There`s nothing wrong with being alone, particularly when (another cliche) you`re going down "the road less travelled." I think the reason for the post is somewhat of a reality check for entrepreneurs.

Too many, myself included, at one time, I think get caught in the accidental problem of not understanding the true nature of being an innovator, pioneer, inventor, or developer. We`re familiar with how it feels to be lonely, so when there isn`t a constant hubub and companionship, we feel something. Then we mistake it for a descent into being a hermit, isolation, antisocial, or whatever other "bad" thing our parents used to warn us about.

It`s imperative, in my opinion, to learn to distinguish the subtle shades of difference between "alone" and "lonely." Being alone is simply having no other living beings present. But being lonely means more to be aware of that isolation, and actively want those other living beings.

There`s also the interesting paradox of the inventor who wishes there were people with whom to share the triumphs, yet knowing that such people would potentially steal the idea. I think that`s where innovators make the mistake of partnering with someone of lesser passion or skill, just because they "wish" that person was an equal.

On the opposite side of the same coin, what about the person who gets that "Eureka!" moment, then has nobody with whom to share it? Or worse, they succeed, become famous, but nobody can relate at all to what they`ve invented?


I also believe that when you`re in the grip of a true passion, it`s not only impossible to feel alone or lonely, it can introduce relationship problems. In that case, being "in love with a muse," another human being can end up jealous of the "muse."

Bottom line: I think it`s important to bring forward and articulate the psychological component to being an entrepreneur. It`s just as important as the practical and "business" aspects. Those psychological issues, unaddressed, can cause at least as much damage as bad accounting and legal problems.

A related issue would be the concept of a "fear of success." Maybe that`s a separate topic, but I wonder---how many people who can`t handle the feeling of loneliness also have an unexamined fear of success? Dunno, and haven`t read any studies about it.

Well, I know how someone can go back to the corporate world after working at home.   Not that I want to do that, but I used to work in a room of 450 people, who screamed and ran around all day.  I loved it.  Now,  I`m single, work at home.   And even though I`m an introvert, I find the loneliness of owning a solo business horrid!   Some of that might be that I deal with lifelong low-grade depression, but I hear of so many other women who don`t deal with depression who are lonely working at home.

Here is what I`ve done to combat it.

When I lived in NC, there was an incubator in my very small town.  I would volunteer there at lunch time to answer phones or what not.   Eventually I did my first not-paid business speaking event there, actually on stress reduction and it went over so well, I was asked back and became a regular speaker and teacher.  I had hoped to rent a room there but I decided to move.  I recommend this option to you, check out the National Association of Business Incubators.

My five year goal is to have an office with staff of 6 or a shared office with other professionals who work with business owners.  I think it will be good to get out of the house more and interact one-on-one.

I "used" the Internet  for a while to fill the void, and it doesn`t work long term.  Instead I found myself online way to often.   While there is a connection with those online, and I love it, it`s just not the same as the physical interaction.

I used to take on clients "whenever", six days a week, and that sometimes caused me to call them from weird places or in between shopping, or "living".   And since I have goals to speak nationally and travel across the country once a year for a few months out of the year to go home (I`m a native NY`er living in WA state) I made more changes in 2004.   The biggest change was that I moved all my phone clients to Mondays and Tuesdays, but I work longer hours on those days.   Then on Wed, Thurs. and Friday I work fewer hours and schedule speaking engagements, attend networking events, meet for coffee, have meetings, etc.   I make sure that I have lots of "me" time to re-energize.

Anyone else found that since they`re at home that they hate doing housework even more?   I think part of it is because I`m cooking or making 3 meals a day now.  But the rest is that I`m here so often!

So in 2005, since where I live in a town that allows home businesses but you can`t have employees, I did what I was legally able to do.  I hired a teenager as casual labor and pay her from my personal money.  She does everything from cleaning, to pressing, to my garden or whatever needs doing.  Sometimes we work together.    Although she`s doing cleaning and such, she prefers that to working at a fast food place.  And she walks around the corner to work ;) 

In 2006 I did a few other things to deal with the loneliness -  I joined a business club in the city where I have the best chances of attracting clients.  Now I have an "office" in the library of the club,  or can rent space .    I can go out to eat by myself and chances are that if I want, I can have lunch with other business owners,  who are there to eat, too.   They have networking and social events, too.  I highly recommend looking around for clubs.  Some are called city clubs, or women`s clubs, or business clubs.  Some meet at country clubs or the tallest buildings in cities or towns.

I also put together a Power Team and some members live locally.  I hope that we`ll be meeting quarterly, even if it`s just one-on-one.  The team members all work with the same or very similar ideal clients, we like each other, have similar values and we refer each other.  Takes a while to get to the point where I ask someone to be on my team, but it`s worth the trip! And I`m always looking to forge ahead to find other team members.   What I`d like is to have at least `two` of each category of members.  This way my clients can choose who is best for them to work with.

So far, this year, I`m re-evaluating the networking/associations I`ve been a member of and those who are out there to join.  I`ve left a few groups and joined the National Association of Women Business Owners.  Even though we don`t` have meetings locally (yet) I hope to meet fellow members. 

Many are like me, starting social-networking group for business owners. Some groups are national, others are local.   One group I`m a member of went to the Dead Sea Scrolls, out for a meal, networking and drinks.  This week we did a mastermind with 8 business owners (4 women, 4 men).  I hope to do more of that.  

As you can tell, I`m doing everything possible to "NOT" be lonely or ever go back to Corporate America -  cept to do speaking gigs at companies ;)

I`d love to learn what else I `could` be doing.  Love this post.  Thank you for starting it.   

Reading the original post I related to being lonely on several levels,
but also thought of my internet friends.

I wake up alone, work alone, eat alone, go to bed alone, then do it all
again. Relationships with men are few and far between at my age. Family
within a mile and some local friends help. Most communication with them
is by phone.

When I was writing books I was miserably lonely. Not so bad on the 3
month projects, but when a book took nearly a year it was hell. My
parents literally brought me food, my sister-in-law too. (Family leftovers.)
Working on my GoLive Bible, I became good friends with GoLive experts
around the world. That book was done a few years ago, but the friends
remain. It`s as if they are in my home with me each day. Of course, they
are not, but somehow the warmth of friendship is there.

Now I write for magazines instead. The shorter pieces are far easier on
me. I never want the lonely hell of that last book again.

In addition to the authoring, I started my own trade show - the
MacGathering™ - in 2003. I do nearly all of it myself. I don`t have the
problem of worrying about trade secrets. And again, I have found an
email list that took me out of the feeling of being in it all alone.

I also run a website - MacEfficiency.com - in which I encourage
communication.

Funny, I`m very much a social person, but so much of what I do is solo
and devoid of people. That`s because I love people and contact but I don`t
want commutes in traffic, 9-5, and to have to keep selling myself to
clients or invoice or explain that even though I`m nice and friendly while I
work I do need to be paid. Living in LA it has been hard to be paid;
nothing like NYC where a handshake was everything.

I joined this list too, hoping to develop relationships with others who
think for themselves and don`t need the obligation of a job as the reason
to get up in the morning. It would be nice if some could be more than
virtual.

Okay, so there`s no doubt of a qualitative difference between intellectual companionship, such as the Internet forums, and physical companionship.

So let me throw in another word to the mix: intimacy.

No, I don`t mean the physical intimacy of lovers. I mean the freedom to speak truthfully about those things that matter most to each of us. Those matters may be silly, ridiculous, dumb, ignorant, or false. But they matter.

I would say we have "channels" by which we communicate. Each of those channels is different, as a different medium of communication. As such, our physical body communicates through sensory data (touch, smell, sight, etc.). But we`re made up of more than only a physical body.

Our mind uses words, our imagination uses Art. To be alone is also to have no "target" for communication. I would further say that communication---the exchange of information about the self---is a fundamental part of being human (alive, and also an animal).

Taking it together, although we can get strong communication through the Web, it many times limits us to only text language and the intellect. We can have very different communication satisfaction via the phone, where we`re mostly hearing. Video gives us sight--visual communication. But without the physical interaction, we`re missing a pretty large portion of our communication needs.

"Lonely," then, I think is the awareness and consciousness that we`re not satisfactorily communicating in one or more of the channels.

If we`re alone for a long time, we miss the communication with something outside our own head. If we`re lonely, it`s because we`re unable to communicate on some of the channels we use. But not only do we have the quantitative problem of alone or lonely, we also have the qualitative problem of constraint. That`s the lack of intimacy.

Too many of us in modern society are weighted toward a belief system that doesn`t consider an integrated "whole" person. I think it`s mostly because so few people anymore believe there are objective definitions for words like "success, happy, joyful, satisfied, content," and so forth. We`ve bought into the blather that words are whatever we each of us choose to make them mean.

I think that this whole concept of being alone, or of being lonely, regarding the at-home entrepreneur is closely related to the "why" of starting a business. It refers to the Life Plan the Sloan brothers have posted as part of this site. Building a business shouldn`t be the end-all, be-all of a person`s life. It should be a method or part of a process that`s in context with the deeper meaning of life. (That would be the quality of life thingie.)

So here`s another question: If someone attempting to be an entrepreneur grows increasingly lonely (as opposed to notices they`re alone), should they stop being an entrepreneur? What would they gain if they were to succeed in their business?

I am an artist, an African wildlife artist living in New York, so I know how it feels to be working on projects that few other people know much about. However, I think of this as an advantage. People remember me because I`m probably the only wildlife artist they know. I also understand the alone/lonely comments. I used to work in an office environment and although I`m far more passionate about wildlife art than I ever was about being a computer consultant, I do miss the daily interaction with other people and the office banter. I make sure that although my schedule is extremely busy, I allocate time-off during my week and as a result I don`t feel guilty about meeting with a friend every now and again. Meeting with other business people is also necessary and makes you realise that we all go through the same doubts & worries, regardless of what business we are in. There are positives and negatives to any style of working but since I started Nicholls Wildlife Art I`ve never been happier!

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Alison Nicholls www.NichollsWildlifeArt African Wildlife in Watercolor