Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

Good to see this post, UStar...it`ll help focus the conversation. Later, you can build a condensed 10-word "tagline." :-D

Here`s the problem I see in the above. It begins by referencing the technology, in paragraph 1, then in #2, speaks to the person who gets the DVD.

However, your primary intent is to sell this overall system to the parks` owners, and/or concession controllers.

The confusion over target market has to be resolved first. Secondly, I don`t think anyone really cares that much in an elevator pitch, about the new technology. Instead, what you wrote in your "background" info was a much better elevator pitch. :-)

Too many people get all wired up preparing to go "on stage." Then, when they get onstage, they somehow believe they need to talk differently, act differently, and focus on different ideas than they would in regular life.

Much better is to just *be yourself!* :-) Talk about what you`re passionate doing, and tell people why you`re excited about that passion.

Something along those lines. It can be refined, but focus on the benefit to both the customer and the park owner, primarily on the owners.

Craig:

Your version is better than mine already.

However I think slightly different on the topic of our audience target. Our pitch is throwing at potential investor who is neither a park owner nor an ordinary visitor at this moment. Nevertheless, he is a human being and we must convince him that this business is desirable and wanted. What I don`t know is that if he will be thinking in shoes of a park owner or a visitor. I think a little bit of both, probably a little more as visitor, I think.

And I agree on the less technology part. This is one major drawback I developed during my career time. Thanks for warning out. Now see if I can change your version a little bit.

U-Star uses new technology to make ordinary visitors to parks and resorts the star of their own video. A customer pays a small fee, and then wears a device as they enjoy their day. Wherever they go, numerous cameras will capture their activities to be chosen for their video material.

When they leave the park, they return the device and a few days later, receive a souvenir DVD video in mail. People can enjoy their day without the worry of managing their own tripods, cameras, battery packs, carry bags, and other burdens. They simply have fun, enjoy themselves, and know that even unplanned moments can be included in a treasured memory disk.

(now adding new parts)

We need $2.5 million in funding to get to the point where the company is self-sustaining. This should happen in the middle of our second year. Right now, we`re seeking $1 million of initial funding in exchange for a 20% ownership stake in the company. If we hit our numbers, we expect to be able to go IPO within 5 years. 

 

 

Tim

 

 

ustar2007-8-16 13:47:32

The investor will first think like a park owner, then think about how much they`d like or not like the invention, THEN start to examine the financial return possibilities.

But nobody can or would want to spend effort analyzing a possible ROI on a new product, unless they FIRST are captured in their own imagination.

So for example, suppose you sell a new type of rigging for sailboats. Would you go to an investor who never sailed a boat, never drove a motorboat, hadn`t seen an ocean, and really really enjoys shooting rifles?

Investors may be a separate category, but an elevator pitch has to immediately spark the imagination. IF that imagination takes off, the hoped-for result of the pitch is to get a meeting. That later meeting is where the numbers, details, and questions and answers begin to happen. See?

Well, here is the new one, not far from your original.

 

U-Star uses new technology to make ordinary visitors to parks and resorts the star of their own video. A customer pays a fee, and then wears a small device as they enjoy their day. Wherever they go, numerous cameras will capture their activities like they are the stars of day.

When they leave the park, they return the device and few days later; receive a well edited souvenir DVD video, that features themselves, in mail. People can enjoy their day without the worry of managing their own tripods, cameras, battery packs, carry bags, and other burdens. They simply have fun, enjoy themselves, and know that even unplanned moments can be included in a treasured memory disk.

 

I will depend on investor`s response to decide weather to add the 3rd part, the money part. Maybe after a long pause to let them imagine a bit. If they are still listening, then I will add it on.

That might work. More likely, if the potential investor is inspired, they`ll ask, "So how much would this cost?" I believe they would mean how much would it cost the consumer---the person buying the DVD. Then they would ask how much it would cost the park to buy the whole package, including installation.

After THAT, they might ask you what you think you need to initiate the company.

I am going to use this in a Elevator pitches roundtable meeting for fund raising. I timed it myself and that`s about 50 some seconds long. Still have 5s room.(60second limit) So I can add one more statement as last line. Wish me good luck.

U-Star uses new technology to make ordinary visitors to parks and resorts the star of their own video. A customer pays a fee, and then wears a small device as they enjoy their day. Wherever they go, numerous cameras will capture their activities like they are stars of the place.

When they leave the park, they return the device and few days later; receive a well edited souvenir DVD video, that features themselves, in mail. Bacuase of us, people will be able to enjoy their day without the worry of managing their own tripods, cameras, batteries and other burdens. They can simply have fun, enjoy themselves, and know that even unplanned moments can be included in a treasured memory disk.

Application includes ski ranches, race tracks and Karaoke places in Asia. The market is huge. 

This is really good! :-)

On the last sentence change it a little to something like:
Oops....almost forgot the most important part: ASK FOR THE SALE! :-)

If someone gets your card, they`re likely going to feel it`s only fair to give you their card in exchange. Not always, but it`s at least moving into *action.*

Tim,

 

The following may help:

 

 

Walt Disney is not in the theme park business – they are in the ‘happiness’ business. Walt Disney provide and make memories.

 

What you are offering is the same.

 

You should be aiming to make memories.

 

Walt Disney slogans:

 

`If we do great in the happiness business, customers should be smiling as they leave our parks even more so when they arrive.`

 

`Every fan leaving will be talking about who they are going to bring with them the next time they visit.`

 

Andrew