I posted my site last week thinking that I had a great site and wanted some minor critique on it. The response I actually received was surprising and an eye opener. My copy was way too long, way too goofy, and didn`t cover the points it should have.
My site is: http://www.studentsuds.com
I decided to revamp the copy on my homepage and make it more effective. I will edit the other pages too, but this one is the most important, so I`m addressing it first. I took out a good portion of the jokes and put 3 very short paragraphs aka sentences to lead into the bullet points. Below is the edited version I have come up with. I wanted your guys feedback before I dish out the money to have my web developers make the changes.
Improve your life with Student Suds
Being a student is a blast: living on your own, making new friends, going to parties, and doing your own laundry.
Yes, that`s the L word. We know, it`s a bit taboo. You don`t talk about it in polite society, and you certainly don`t want to do it.
That`s why we`ll do it for you. So you can get out of the laundry room and onto more productive stuff. Like studying, clubs, sports, and hog-wrestling.
- Sign up for one of our laundry plans and each week we will collect, wash, dry and fold your laundry, then deliver it back to you in a 48-hour turnaround.
- We provide free pick up and delivery, so you`ll never even have to leave your dorm.
- Our plans cover either one semester or the entire year. And because we pick up your laundry every week, you’ll never be without clean clothes!
- Signing up is easy! Just click here, choose your desired plan, and enjoy your free time knowing that your clothes are being professionally cared for.