Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

An improvement.

The "low cost office supplies, no matter where you live" part needs to be in large, bold typeface. Get rid of the "welcome" and "thank you" part and use the low cost line instead.

The problem with "welcome" and "thanks" is that they do not communicate anything about what you offer. You can say thanks after someone orders.

There is still too much text on the front page.

Here`s another article on copywriting that I wrote recently:

http://www.startupnation.com/pages/community/forum_posts.asp ?TID=3637&TPN=1

thanks cookiemonster,

glad to see i`ve made an improvement!!

OK, so i broke down and took out the thank you and welcome, but left the excess wording, will look at that closer later.  thanks again.

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6

Well, to be blunt, unless you`ve somehow captured some kind of market and are actually selling from this site, please start over.  I`d recommend looking at website templates (there`s lots of perfectly good ones out there, for free, or really cheap) if you really want to do this yourself. You can get some really good and rapid web design help for just a few hundred bucks....post to Craigslist gigs, Elance, etc.

If this really matters to you, is your only selling outlet, and you`ve decided to invest some time and money - let someone else whip up (or copy) a quick, professional-looking site.

Dadministrator.

Thank you for your input.

Please read above.  as i mentioned a few time these ARE TEMPLATES.  i cannot stress this enough.  i pay for the patriotic pages thru earthlink for $19.95 p/m, it is included in an email program i pay for.  as for the other pages, i need all to understand that the pages you are viewing would cost me thousands and thousands of dollars to create if i chose to go ANY other way.  unless you are offering your services pro quo, please be specific as to your thoughts on what is wrong and how it can be corrected.  i have researched this and there are litterally 35000+ items that are listed in this site and are constantly updated as pricing changes and items are added and deleted.  i do not do a thing.  it costs me less than $200 p/m.  the only pages i can adjust are the ones that have the flag on them.  so please be specific as to your complaints/suggestions.  i am willing to change what can be changed, if i feel that the complaint is merited.

again.  thank you for your input, please provide details as to what you feel is so dreadful, so i can better adjust.

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6

Two cents from 337 Design - The Website Company

1.  Clarity.  In the split second that most new viewers will take a look at this site, they will think it`s either an American Flag company, or a place to Eagles printed on stuff.  Get some product images into that wild montage, some binders, filing supplies, copiers, printers, etc.

2.  Try and get product images into your shopping cart.  The text link look pretty amateur hour.

Don`t mean no harm... just trying to make you some extra cash!


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Ben Grinnell - 337 Design - Web Design & HD Video Production

Thank you Ben.

Definitely didn`t see the patriotic theme as a hazard.  didn`t look at it your way, hmmm.  the shopping cart does in fact have images once you narrow down the particular item you want to see.  personally, i like to see a lot of pictures, but have been told by many that they would just like to get where they are going and not have to wait for images to load.  still having a tough time with that one.  as for `the text link`, i`m not sure i know which you mean.  not sure i`m following you.

thank you for the feedback.  would appreciate more.

boy and i really like my flag page.  ;o)  (however, willing to lose it to make money)  :o(  ;o)

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6

Ben,  I`ve been thinking.  Most all of my letterhead and correspondence has a picture in the uper left hand corner of the page that has a ship mast with a large US flag flying in the wind.  My flyers and all my advertising has the same picture in use on them.  I have taken this to the fullest with the red white and blue theme.  My next set of promotional pens will have the flag on them, stripes on one end and stars on the other.  I`m sure you`ve seen them.  As much as I see your view point on being a flag manufacturer, or flag printer, or the like, I think I am definitely going to keep the flag background, as mentioned previously.

I have put together an instruction book for my current and prospective customers to help them as they surf thru the website, explaining that the `back and forth` browser button does not work on my site.  So that will help with that issue, and yes, I know it doesn`t help with people that `find` my site, and surf without my contacting them to begin with, but it will make life a little easier for those that have been contacted.

So for now, I guess the site will stay as is, unless someone is willing to write my copywright pro quo better than what I have.  I have ordered some type of professional website tool that earthlink is offering.  So once that gets here and I have time to look it over and see what it has to say, I will be happy to show you my new and updated site once again for more critiquing. 

I thank all of my critiques.  I think my site will do for now.  I have to move on to other projects demanding my time.  Please feel free to continue to tell me how you think the site would work best, and why, along with EXACTLY what I should do to change.  I will continue to look them over and let you know how I feel.  Yes, I know that you can`t please everyone.  So you`ve got to please yourself.  But, I do want the site to pay for itself, and your input would be very much appreciated.

Thanks again.

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6