Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

Good morning SUN community.

After taking your advice I have redone most of my website.  It now has online ordering and we now accept credit cards.  If you agree, the site is done and ready to go.  I like the background.  I like the nav bar.  I like my list of customers.  I like the site in general.  However, I have been told by some that the wording could be more professional.

That being said, I am coming to you with my breastplate on and ready for some real hard criticism.  Please take your time and click around.  The click thru to my product line is located in two places, once on the home page and once on the product page.  For a reason.  Once you click thru, I am not 100% responsible for design, as this is a 24/7 shopping cart I have chosen to use.  I hope everything is user friendly and looks and acts professionally.  I may not be abe to change everything you think should be changed, but tell me anyway.

English is not my 2nd language, it is my first and I do not like to see it abused, so feel free to let me know how my wording could be tweaked.  I feel this is my only down side right now.

Thanking you in advance and ready for some serious critiquing.

Respectfully yours.

http://www.continentalprintingsupplies.com

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6

ContinentalPrintingSupplies... I agree the writing could be improved. The font style (visually) and verbiage could be more engaging.

In respect to the font style, I would suggest only bolding the main points rather than the entire paragraph. It feels a bit stuffy as I read.

Functionality seemed good, but there really wasn`t a lot of content for me to become involved.

All in all, I was not turned off by the look and feel. But I would likely not, return because it really wasn`t clear  to me what you have to offer.


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Vincent Wilcox (a.k.a. KRAKR)
Drummer
My band: Letters Make Words

I have no idea what you do, you print stuff no doubt but what? Saw something about ordering more than $ 1,000 a year worth of HP products but what? clicked the `online ordering` option, that tells me nothing of what you sell, worse still it forces me to `sign in` since I don`t have an account I chose the new visitor option to browse the catalog, that takes me to a page that requests personal information, and lists no products.... Your site should sell your product, I have no clue what are you selling.

Keep your site clean, get rid of that background, too busy and distracting, it adds nothing to your selling proposition, whatever that might be.

One of the best traits any manager can have is to know what he/she does not know, and seek help from those that do. Hire a web designer.

vincent.

thank you for your input. but, again. . . how to fix the problem??  how do i make the writing more clear?  what is wrong, exactly?  stuffy, how??

ElidS . . thank you.  the background stays, that was made clear in the beginning.  as for hiring a web designer, it is not an option.  unless you are offering services pro quo.

the only personal information the visitor asks for is your zip code, and that is only to verify if you have to pay sales tax.  as also previously mentioned i have no control over this option.  however, i have made it perfectly clear that i do not like it and do agree with you.  hopefully this will be able to be bypassed in the future.

thank you both for pointing out that it is not clear what i do.  seeing that i sell office products, i did not see the dilemma.  i don`t know what my customers will feel about it, seeing that they already know what i do.  however, i am also trying to reach others (prospective customers) as well.

if the wording sucks and someone can tell me exactly why, maybe i`ll try to fix that as well.

thank you very much for your time.  if you can be a bit more explicit i`d love to fix the problems you have mentioned.

regards.

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6

Tracy,

Here we grow again. Your mental armor is in place. My disclaimer is that I`m a novice advisor. You state you are doing this yourself, without the aid of a paid designer. And you chose your own shopping cart. Can you alter the location of the NewVisitor tab, placing it top center, and include the zip-code and catalogue code bars on the same login page? Always provide a link back to the homepage. A logo link will keep your name in their minds.

On your home page you say `online ordering is now available`. That should link to the statement page announcing online ordering for your current customers. Over on the side in bigger lettering, Our Products should link directly to the Login page. Now that your customers can easily access what you`re selling, if they want it, they`ll be more apt to buy. At some point, the front page announcement that online ordering is something new, will be replaced by a more captivating and graphic welcome as your budget allows for copywriting and design experts. For now, a quicker view of your catalogue from the homepage Products link, is a must.

You have improved and will continue to improve. Your willingness to recieve criticism and appeal to the masses, is a necessary trait to have. I`m surprised no one has said to go visit other printing sites for the perfect wording and style. Lastly, I know critique by e-mail has helped. It`s been my pleasure. There is some wording changes needed, but the customer first needs to quickly know what they`re buying. I also suggest grouping your catalogue links in columns, making the links larger, and when finally we can view a picture, they all need to be larger.

Perfection takes time. You`ll get it right. You can also put a link and short business 10 word pitch as your tag line here and re-work your profile to include a link and mention top selling products or a SUN discount. Hey, I`m just a novice advisor. That`s my disclaimer and I`m sticking to it. Best wishes Tracy.

The copywriting definitely needs work. Here`s a link to some information on copywriting.

http://www.startupnation.com/pages/community/forum_posts.asp ?TID=2997&PN=2

If you`re interested in learning more about copywriting and writing marketing communications, look at some of my other posts.

 

ContinentalPrintingSupplies... It is difficult for me to describe what is wrong with the copy content. I am not an accomplished enough writer to give suggestions. I just didn`t feel motivated to continue reading... I have been doing all kinds of reading about, "how to write effectively." I still don`t get it. I leave much of it in the hands of my writer. I hope she`s doing her job.


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Vincent Wilcox (a.k.a. KRAKR)
Drummer
My band: Letters Make Words

What`s wrong with the copywriting? There is no "copywriting" on the page. The writing on the page is standard-issue, amateur quality, right from the "welcome" onward. [You wanted some honest feedback.] If hiring a web designer is not an option, and you`re doing the work yourself, at least find a nice template design ... purchase one or find something free.

Unfortunately the copywriting is a more difficult problem to solve. Thing is, writing marketing communications takes real experience. It also takes a fair amount of time to get it right. This goes back to the concept of "offer -vs- do". If you`re selling printing/office supplies then that`s what you "do". What is it that you offer? Convenience? Pricing? Something? I really can`t go on and on about this because I`ve written a dozen or more posts about "offer -vs- do". The key to good copywriting, besides experience, practice, understanding words, and the "eye", is understanding that no one cares what a business "does". What a business "offers" is much more interesting. If you`re handling your own copywriting duties then write about what you *offer*. Forget about what you do.

On the bottom paragraph of the frontpage, you talk about what you "do". Besides talking about what you "do", which is always a mistake unless it`s on the "about" page, you`re stating several different positions. This is a bad idea. Most visitors cannot and will not bother to try and figure out if you`re local or long distance. Does it matter? How about a single page web site that says "Low cost office supplies and friendly service. No matter where you live." Don`t forget your phone number!

Using "Low cost office supplies and friendly service. No matter where you live." is a perfect example of what you "offer". Using clear, concise, plainspoken language ensures that the customer instantly understands and positions your business/product/service in their mind.

I hope this all helps!!

hey!  You guys are wonderful!  thanks so much.

frndchps, you have taken me from where i was to where i am and have shown me the error of redundace.  thanks so much.  2 things ppl are not aware of. 

#1 this is a templated website, i can adjust the copy, the color and some of the look and feel, but not all.
#2 the product shopping cart has mostly NO changing allowed.  it to is a template

I chose this shopping cart company based on price, but mainly on customer service.  there were 2 or 3 companies in my price range that dealt with my catalog, and all i had to do was pay them and they attach their cart to my existing site with a click thru.  however, it was this company who were willing to answer most of my ??`s thru email and then when that became overwhelming, they simply picked up the phone and called me.  unlike others who said `call so and so, she can help you.`  i like e-mail and they impressed me thru their willingness to use it.

anyway . . . you have brought me a long way, and i appreciate it.  you may be a novicce, but not all of us are professionals, and we need critiquing from all view points.  i can`t thank you enough.

victor . . . same goes for you.  your advice is truthful, and honest.  gentle and not condemning.  thank you.  when you state you were not interested in reading on, i have to say i got sick of reading it myself, but thought that it was because i had read it like a million times.  now i know it is not so.  go figure.  i truly appreciate the honesty of saying that you don`t get it either.  now i don`t feel so all alone.

cookiemonster . . . ah ha!!  now i get what you don`t like!!  maybe the same lies true for the rest of us.  yes.  it all helps.  i will look at your ideas and if it`s ok, i`ll just borrow your tag line `low cost office supplies and friendly service, no matter where you live.`  i like that.  being somewhat of a `professional` i don`t want ppl to think that i am an idiot because my sentences end in prepositions or something else as lame as glaring grammer mistakes.  will the average person appreciate that i am down to earth??  maybe, but what about the purchasing agent of a large corporation??  i NEED them to think i have somewhat of an idea about properly putting a sentence together. (or `how to properly format a sentence`)

please throw out more ways to go from boring to exciting.  i want this site to pay for itself.  then maybe i can afford to ditch the templates and make a dynamic site where i pay thousands of dollars in website design and layout, and make the images large enough for the user to view intricately.

i will make the changes to the best of my limited ability and we`ll see how it goes.

thanks so much.  i will look at the sites and posts you have mentioned and keep working on it.  thanks again!!!!

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6

OK Ladies and Gents, I have taken another stab at thecopywriting on the home page on my website.  Not a very good stab, but wanted to see if i was on the right track at all, or still way off base.  either way, it`ll probably stay for a while, as i have to finish getting my paper catalogs out in the hands of my customers.

Still and all, if you could . . . I`d appreciate it.

Also, I think I fixed my links to take you from the home page into the shopping cart.  I think you`ll like the way it works now.

I have put together an instruction booklet to give to my customers, for reference.

Frndchps:  I tried to get the click thru for `products` to cick straight thru to the shopping cart, but it is templated there and only allows the menu to be used to navigate to another page in the site.  thanks for the thought though.

I am terribly interested in seeing if i have made any headway at all.

thanks in advance, once again to all.

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But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrew 11:6