Why are Blondes navels always brusied?
Cause Blonde men are dumb too.
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
A golfer is on the 4th hole. He tees up and slices his drive into the rough off to the side of the fairway at the bend. He and the caddy go looking for his ball and find it. It is lined up perfectly for the drive to the green. One "slight" problem is that it is sitting about 50 ft. behind a 100 year old oak, about 5 feet around.
The caddy says he`ll have to take a stroke to move the ball or chip onto the fairway. The golfer says, with great confidence "No, I can hook it around this tree and still make the green. The caddy is quite dubious about the claim, but shrugs his shoulder and steps off to the side and back. The golfer sets up for his shot, swings back and nails it. The ball hits the oak dead-on and ricochetes back at the golfer, hitting him between the eyes.
When the golfer comes to, he has a nice imprint of the ball on a big swelling between his eyebrows. When he can finally focus his sight, he notices big pearly gates and St. Peter standing there with "the BOOK".
St. Pete asks the golfer his name and how he died. The golfer told him while playing golf. St. Peter then asks him if he was any good.
Reply: I got here in two, didn`t I?