You asked for a "Brutal Critique", did you not?
4. I would go with 12 point fonts. I'm not sure what you're using but believe me, older users will find your site hard to read. If you want to deal in "fine print" that's your call, but if you want comprehension, make your small fonts bigger.
1. Your writer has unwittingly committed the cardinal error of direct marketing: confusing features with benefits. To a technician, features are benefits, because the technician already knows everything... but to the non-technician (your customer) the features leave him confused - he wants to know "what's in it for me?"
It is not easy, for most people selling a product or service, to step outside their own interests, biases, and assumptions - yet doing so is critical to the success of a sales message. In short, you need to put yourself in your customer's shoes to know what he wants.
Nobody buys a drill - they buy the ability to make a hole. I'm not here to explain direct marketing; smarter people than I have written many books on the subject - the first among greats is "Scientific Advertising" by Claude C. Hopkins. Read it and again and again until you start to understand the difference between features and benefits. Of course it's not the only book that explains this, it's just in the public domain and can be got instantly and for free.
quoted from your site:
- Unlimited 24/7 Tech Support
- On Going PC Maintenance
- On Going System Upgrades
- On Going PC Tune Ups
- Advanced Virus, Malware and Spyware Protection
- 100% Covered Labor Warranty
- Support for all peripheral devices
- Access to a Wealth of IT Expertise and Experience
- Easily transferable to any PC
These are all features of your product... a couple edge over towards benefits but in general the tone of writing you've used feature-oriented. Writing benefits is a skill - and does not come intuitively to most people.
what does tech support mean? What is it but verbiage? YOU know what YOU mean but how do the words "tech support" communicate? I don't feel they do. I know this isn't easy, but saying you offer "tech support" is like saying "we offer the best quality and service" - it's at the level of rhetoric.
"On Going PC Maintenance" ("ongoing" is usually written as one word) - does that mean you come to my house and vacuum out my PC? I don't think you do, because it seems to me you offer some sort of remote over-theinternet service - yet it also seems to me you're making the broad assumption that your visitors just "know" about what your terms mean.... yet, the people you are targeting, apparently, are the group most likely to be confused by jargon, unspecific "buzzwords" and so forth.
what is a "100% covered labor warranty" what is covering it? a blanket?
what is an "advanced virus" how do you protect from it?
what the heck is a "peripheral device"? and how do you support it?
See? you've assumed all these terms are "understood" - and they are anything but understood. Sure, you're making sales to the people who see the value in remote support, but that's only a portion of your market.
3. All this terminology is what I meant by "doublespeak" - I didn't mean to upset you by implying you're out to mislead - just that you've used the terms that computer people USE and assumed your visitors use them as well... and understand what they mean. From my perspective, the problem of a lot of folks who would want your service is they are pretty much clueless about what all this stuff means.
I think you're preaching to the choir, mostly.
2. Pictures of your staff. Why would your tech team dress in designer suits? Am I paying for their coifs and suits with inflated fees? They look like car salespeople... and too slick.
That's my opinion - it's a subtle thing. Do you want your company to be perceived as one staffed by models?
I don't think your site sucks at all.... but would you be asking for feedback if you were happy with your results?
If I were to dig deeper into your site I would find answers to many of the questions I've brought up.... but would I? See, that's the rub: if your first message doesn't inspire your visitors to explore what you offer further, you lose. It's not enough just to offer a great service, the specialness of it needs to be "telegraphed" almost instantly into the reader's mind. Not easy to do... which is why so much advertising doesn't work very well. You have the bones of a USP (Unique Selling Proposition) but it is not brought into clarity here... because you've used a visual language that makes your site look like just another "dressed to impress" hosting outfit.
My phone number is on my site below. I have my own way of doing things to be sure - my main thrust is copywriting - info at http://copymatch.com