Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

The last week or so, I`ve encountered a few similar experiences that bring up a problem I think ought to be made visible. I wonder how many entrepreneurs subconsciously feel that "The Customer" designation means a person who`s actually a different species or a different class of person? By class, I mean like the aristocracy versus the peasants. :-)

You know you`re often a customer. You go to Big Box, find a pair of shoes, go to the checkout counter, and BAM!...you`re a customer! The person running the cash register (credit-card register?) seems "different."

Intellectually you know they`re just a regular person, but they don`t feel that way. They`re The Authority, The Servant, or they`re A Doormat. (That`s not how people ought to perceive a sales clerk, but many people feel that way regardless of what ought to happen.)

But now YOU are exactly whatever you feel is true of that person! Now YOU are behind the checkout counter! YOU are the person who`s responsible for transferring goods or services to The Customer.

Do you see how this psychological process leads to problems and anxieties? The way you perceive That Person behind the checkout counter, that`s the way you believe The Customer perceives you! If you don`t know this is happening, you can`t change things. So it`s useful to examine your feelings and psychology as you interact with sales people on a day-to-day basis.

When you have an occasion to speak to a customer, perhaps as a follow-up on a question, do you *feel* that you`re speaking with a friend of yours? Feelings have no words. They exist only as a feeling. It`s the job of the intellect to figure out what words best might describe those feelings.

I wonder how many people who ordinarily are a little bit shy, or who`re nervouse about speaking in public, have this kind of problem? They perceive The Customer as a different species, co-existing with "us" here on the planet. Then they start talking and discover that The Customer is really a nice person who`s just like "us." :-)

Craig,

It may be semantics (with me semantics are a really big deal since I create brand names), but my clients are like-minded professionals - peers, really - in the success of their venture. I have mentioned before that my only three rules of engagement are 1) No working with jerk clients, 2) No working with clients who don`t respect our work and us likewise their innovation, and 3) We will not take on a client who we do not believe is bringing a legitimate solution to the marketplace.

I have a client right now who is starting to treat me like a cashier at a Wal-Mart, and his unreasonable demands are about to cost him more money and much more anguish than if he would have chilled. I have no problem firing a client if the basic issue of respect isn`t there between us. Sure, he doesn`t get it with regards to the value of our work, but he also is a control freak and is attempting to take out his failing marriage stress on me and my team.

Respect is a two-way street, and I do not play the subservient role very well. Peers, yes. Passionate entrepreneurs, all the time. Shoe shine boy (alluding to an earlier post of yours) - huh uh.

Jeff,

You`re making an excellent point, which goes along directly with the observation. I want to highlight this "perception traffic," and then link it to why so many entrerpreneurs get a "spike" of anxiety when they have to speak with a customer.

It`s my thought that there may be a psychological "rule" at work here. The way a person perceives and interacts with cashiers around them is directly related to the way they "feel" themselves being treated by their own customers.

An "entity" is a unique thing in and of itself. An "attribute" is the way we describe an entity. The two words are not at all the same thing. Entities have attributes; "things" have "ways to describe them."

A customer is NOT an entity! The term "customer" is an attribute of "person."

I believe many people make a psychological mistake, saying that when someone becomes a customer, they become an entirely new entity....something completely different from a "people." :-)

Someone once said that if you want to get a picture of a person`s character, watch how they treat a waiter or waitress. I think we can use that same principle in discovering why some entrepreneurs have an extraordinary level of anxiety when speaking with customers, handling customer service, and promoting their business.

There`s a difference between being aggressive and being assertive. There`s also a difference between being shy and being afraid to deal with customers. But if you`re going to run your own business, you can`t afford to be "afraid" of dealing with customers. Right? :-)

Amen.

I have always said that, when dating someone, the way they treat a server or Starbucks employee reveals most everything about their attitude. Same thing if your pet doesn`t like them - time to ditch the girlfriend, not the cat.

The underlying psychological issue here is "displacement." At issue is whether or not the anxiety faced by a small-business owner in dealing with a customer is this displacement. I believe it is.

So many people her on SuN have talked about growing up in families where they, as children, were told their ideas were dumb. Their later friends thought they were crazy, couldn`t do what they dreamed of doing, and so on.

To compensate, many people walk away and hide. They stop talking about dreams, hopes, inventions, ideas, and innovations. They shut down the mouth, thereby shutting down the Imagination piepline.

Obviously a business owner isn`t literally afraid of the customer. :-) But something about the interaction with the customer is calling up a deep well of anxiety and stress.

I`m proposing that the customer is standing in for "displaced" memories of the anger, fear, and feeling dumb engendered in us as children.