Forums: Discussions for entrepreneurs and small business.

Web copy is completely different.  I took into account some of what start-up nation critics said.  What do you think?  http://www.invesp.com

Let me know

That`s great!  I`m really excited.  Now, does it clarify my position with administrative and writing services? 

thanks for the input! :)

It`s much better but there is still far too much text on the front page and a lot of it is unfocused and sort of seems random. [The part where you talk about failing to plan and strategize. What does this have to do with virtual assistants?] The problem with using so much text is that most people won`t bother to read it. Honestly. People won`t bother. If you request a critique, people might read the text in that context, but most random visitors won`t read that much. This is a web site, you can move the extra text to other pages.

The other problem with too much text is that it reduces clarity and that decreases the effectiveness of your marketing communication. On your current landing page, I start to understand the benefits of your product/service, but it`s still not immediately clear.

old page = clarity

current page = clarity

goal = CLARITY

Go over the three above examples of "clarity" again and again. Decide how much clarity matters in your marketing communications. How much clarity do you want? How important is relevance? Are clarity and relevance more important than your desire to use lots of words on your front page?

I think you need to sharpen the language even more. Probably a reduction in word count is a good place to start. Try to develop the copy a little more by connecting what you offer ... what do you offer? ... to your products and services. Right now the page seems to say that INVESP offers "success". This is a very intangible benefit. INVESP should offer something very specific.

With respect to the dual market positions. As I said in my first critique of your site, using two market positions is guaranteed to confused most people. It`s a really, really, really bad communication strategy ... or indicative that you have no communication strategy. If you know that this dual position confuses people, and I think you do know this, why on earth would you risk confusing people on your landing page? Confused visitors don`t pay attention. Confused visitors hit the Back button. Confused visitors cannot determine if your product or service is relevant. I really understand that you want to offer two services. This is totally fine. You just need separate copywriting for each service.

The landing page really needs to hook the visitor and stimulate action.

[Secrets To Business Success = much better but it`s still a cliche.]

[Don`t End Up A Statistic = cliche.]

[Think it can`t happen to you? = cliche.]

Some of the copy seems pretty negative. I am fundamentally against using negative copy except in cases where it is absolutely justifiable. Citing failure statistics is really not smart. Why not cite success statistics instead? Even if they`re small. [If you insist upon using these statistics, you need to cite your sources. Otherwise this is just "marketing babble".]

You also talk about attitude, sales, marketing, customer service, etc. How is this relevant to your product or service? You don`t offer sales, marketing, or customer service. I don`t understand why you need to use so many words. Is there any chance you can develop some very plainspoken copywriting. I`ve investigated your services page as well and I cannot believe you are offering to write marketing plans as well. The copy on that page is strange. You call marketing a "piece of cake", a sure sign that you don`t know much about marketing. You also say that a marketing plan will improve sales "tremendously", but fail to provide concrete connection between a marketing plan and an increase in sales. Seriously. This is a total disconnect. None of these services align with virtual assistants. BUT. I love the part where you talk about providing customer service and helping with work life balance. These are *real* benefits of using your product or service. I don`t want to sound harsh, but if I had an assistant, he or she would not write my marketing plans. Marketing has to be carried out by experienced people, or by people with beginner`s mind. Developing a marketing plan requires serious background and nothing on your site convinces me that you have the right background. [Marketing plans do not lead to stronger marketplace presence, or an increase in sales, without an extremely solid plan combined with great execution. You do not bother to mention this in your copywriting.]

I think you need to focus. Focus on offering and marketing *one* service for the time being. This multiple service approach will not work at present. Perhaps in the future, as you grow, you can branch out into additional services. I get the feeling that you`ve written the landing page more for yourself than for your clients. This is a common mistake that is easy to correct.

====================================================

Overworked? Think You Can`t Afford An Assistant?

We are the full service office support solution for your business. We manage calendars, respond to clients via e-mail or phone, and coordinate meetings. You can rely on INVESP for your adminstrative needs.

====================================================

I wrote a second post on copywriting.

http://www.startupnation.com/pages/community/forum_posts.asp ?TID=3637&PN=1

well you make a good point about our positioning. However, at this time, "focusing" on one is impossible.  Both segments (administrative and writing) are very successful, and it is impossible to just do without one and let all those team members go.  So, I`m stuck with this...now with all the circumstances presented, how do you suggest we approach this?  Could we reword the copy in a way that would bring both together and make it easier to understand? 

 I like CraigL`s suggestion.  I believe copy is never perfect, like any form of writing, there is always room for improvement.  So please, share your thoughts.

thanks :)

I`ve provided all the advice I can provide at this point. [Re-read previous post.]

1. Never focus on the negative, bad, down-side, and problematic.
2. Always focus on the positive, good, advantages, and solutions.